The Project Gutenberg eBook, Through these Eyes, by Lauren Ann Isaacson

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Title: Through these Eyes The courageous struggle to find meaning in a life stressed with cancer

Author: Lauren Ann Isaacson

Release Date: August 13, 2011 [eBook #37060]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)

***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THROUGH THESE EYES***

Last Revised August 5, 2011

Through These Eyes

The courageous struggle to find meaning in a life stressed with cancer

An Autobiography by Lauren Ann Isaacson 1961-1986

  Original Hardcover Book: Copyright 1990
  Released into public domain: 2006
  Library of Congress Catalog Card #90 93276
  ISBN 0-9628196-0-3

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Early Years 1 Chapter 2 My Brothers 11 Chapter 3 Todd's Illness 16 Chapter 4 Fifth Grade 19 Chapter 5 Norm / Marriage 24 Chapter 6 Norm / Reflections 28 Chapter 7 Todd / Reflections 31 Chapter 8 Sixth Grade 33 Chapter 9 Discovery of Tumor 38 Chapter 10 Preparation and Surgery 49 Chapter 11 Diagnosis and Recovery 53 Chapter 12 Chemotherapy 70 Chapter 13 Year at Home and Diary 87 Chapter 14 Summer 1976 111 Chapter 15 Return to School 114 Chapter 16 Divorce 119 Chapter 17 Ninth Grade 127 Chapter 18 Summer 1977 133 Chapter 19 Tenth Grade 137 Chapter 20 Eleventh Grade 140 Chapter 21 Twelfth Grade 160 Chapter 22 Summer 1980 167

Chapter 23 Black Hawk College 175 Essays: Views on Choice 181 Views on Awareness 183

Chapter 24 Interlude 187

Chapter 25 Return of Cancer 195 Essays: Suffering 212 Quality in Life 213 Bargaining and Prayer 214

Chapter 26 Categories of Acceptance 216 Chapter 27 Frustrations 225 Chapter 28 Christmas 1981 230 Chapter 29 Self Imposed Barriers 232 Chapter 30 Autumn at Augustana 236 Chapter 31 Depression 243 Chapter 32 Basic Day 246 Chapter 33 Treatment / Hoax 251 Chapter 34 Journey to Greece 254 Chapter 35 In Limbo 263 Chapter 36 Reflections 267 Chapter 37 Zenith of Grief 276 Chapter 38 Personal Belief 284 Chapter 39 Reminiscence 286 Chapter 40 God, My View 288 Chapter 41 Continuum 291

THROUGH THESE EYES, written by Lauren A. Isaacson (10 Dec 1961 - 16 Jul 1986), is rare in several respects. At the age of twelve, she was diagnosed as having cancer of the stomach; leiomyosarcoma is a cancer prevalent in older women. She was accepted at the Mayo Clinic for research, and after a five year period was given a clean bill of health. During her sixth year following chemotherapy, she was diagnosed as suffering from the same cancer; it had invaded the liver.

Lauren decided to write her life story. Her treatment of elementary school days, junior high, her year of chemo and her home tutor, her return to ninth grade wearing her wig, the first day she went without that wig, high school experiences, her modeling contract, the way she coped with her impending death, the continuing of her college education until she could no longer physically endure, the trauma of seeing her 32 year old brother die; all relate an aura, a searching for quality in each given day.

Her thoughts on acceptance, awareness, anger, guilt, her views of an omnipotent being, God; her ability to write poetry as she viewed and photographed life around her; the maturity and depth of her writings bring with them humor as well as pathos. She was concerned about those who loved her and those who medically assisted her. It was her hope to help others facing adversity, or who have loved ones suffering the direct trauma. Her journal was her companion as she coped with life. It brought her peace and acceptance; she would hope it could do the same for others.

Much of her manuscript is complete; it was necessary for her to outline journal entries she wished copied. I, her mother, have completed those listings and have related her final two and one half days at Hospice.

Journal entry June 29, 1986…The night is loud with thunder; the deep, sharp rumbling that shakes the house as if to remind the world that it is alive. It is not subtle, but in its brazen clap, I can find reason to rejoice; I live in the shadows of a wondrous and beautiful world, yet thunder is one element of nature from which I have not been excluded, for it penetrates walls.

Lauren's exclusion began after Christmas, 1985.