fiddles, I say, take them,
And let your friends hear such mirth as ye can make them.

THE THIRD ACT. THE FIRST SCENE.

Hodge.

Hodge. Sim Glover, yet gramercy! cham meetly well-sped now,
Th'art even as good a fellow as ever kiss'd a cow!
Here is a thong indeed, by the mass, though ich speak it;
Tom Tankard's great bald curtal, I think, could not break it!
And when he spied my need to be so straight and hard,
Hase lent me here his nawl, to set the gib forward;
As for my gammer's nee'le, the flying fiend go wi' it!
Chill not now go to the door again with it to meet.
Chould make shift good enough and chad a candle's end;
The chief hole in my breech with these two chill amend.

THE THIRD ACT. THE SECOND SCENE.

Gammer, Hodge.

Gammer. Now Hodge, may'st now be glad, cha news to tell thee;
Ich know who hase my nee'le; ich trust soon shall it see.

Hodge. The devil thou does! hast heard, gammer, indeed, or dost but jest?

Gammer. 'Tis as true as steel, Hodge.

Hodge. Why, knowest well where didst lese it?

Gammer. Ich know who found it, and took it up! shalt see ere it be long.

Hodge. God's mother dear! if that be true, farewell both nawl and thong!
But who hase it, gammer, say on; chould fain hear it disclosed.

Gammer. That false vixen, that same dame Chat, that counts herself so honest.

Hodge. Who told you so?

Gammer. That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.

Hodge. Diccon? it is a vengeable knave, gammer, 'tis a bonable whoreson,
Can do mo things than that, els cham deceived evil:
By the mass, ich saw him of late call up a great black devil!
O, the knave cried "ho, ho!" he roared and he thundered,
And ye 'ad been here, cham sure you'ld murrainly ha' wondered.

Gammer. Was not thou afraid, Hodge, to see him in this place?

Hodge. No, and chad come to me, chould have laid him on the face,
Chould have, promised him!

Gammer. But, Hodge, had he no horns to push?

Hodge. As long as your two arms. Saw ye never Friar Rush
Painted on a cloth, with a side-long cow's tail,
And crooked cloven feet, and many a hooked nail?
For all the world, if I should judge, chould reckon him his brother.
Look, even what face Friar Rush had, the devil had such another.

Gammer. Now, Jesus mercy, Hodge! did Diccon in him bring?

Hodge. Nay, gammer, hear me speak, chill tell you a greater thing.
The devil (when Diccon had him, ich heard him wondrous well)
Said plainly here before us, that dame Chat had your nee'le.

Gammer. Then let us go, and ask her wherefore she minds to keep it;
Seeing we know so much, 'twere a madness now to slip it.

Hodge. Go to her, gammer; see ye not where she stands in her doors?
Bid her give you the nee'le, 'tis none of hers but yours.

THE THIRD ACT. THE THIRD SCENE.

Gammer, Chat, Hodge.

Gammer. Dame Chat, ch'ould pray thee fair, let me have that is mine!
Chill not these twenty years take one fart that is thine;
Therefore give me mine own, and let me live beside thee.

Chat. Why art thou crept from home hither, to mine own doors to chide me?
Hence, doating drab, avaunt, or I shall set thee further!
Intends thou and that knave me in my house to murther?

Gammer. Tush, gape not so on me, woman! shalt not yet eat me,
Nor all the friends thou hast in this shall not entreat me!
Mine own goods I will have, and ask thee no by leave:
What, woman! poor folks must have right, though the thing you aggrieve.

Chat. Give thee thy right, and hang thee up, with all thy beggar's brood!
What, wilt thou make me a thief, and say I stole thy good?

Gammer. Chill say nothing, ich warrant thee, but that ich can prove it well.
Thou set my good even from my door, cham able this to tell!

Chat. Did I, old witch, steal aught was thine? how should that thing be known?

Gammer. Ich cannot tell; but up thou tookest it as though it had been thine own.

Chat. Marry, fie on thee, thou old gib, with all my very heart!

Gammer. Nay, fie on thee, thou ramp, thou rig, with all that take thy part!

Chat. A vengeance on those lips that layeth such things to my charge!

Gammer. A vengeance on those callet's hips, whose conscience is so large!

Chat. Come out, hog!

Gammer. Come out, hog, and let have me right!

Chat. Thou arrant witch!

Gammer. Thou bawdy bitch, chill make thee curse this night!

Chat. A bag and a wallet!

Gammer. A cart for a callet!

Chat. Why, weenest thou thus to prevail?
I hold thee a groat, I shall patch thy coat!

Gammer. Thou wert as good kiss my tail!
Thou slut, thou cut, thou rakes, thou jakes! will not shame make thee hide [thee]?

Chat. Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, thou glutton! I will no longer chide thee;
But I will teach thee to keep home.

Gammer. Wilt thou, drunken beast?

[They fight.

Hodge. Stick to her, gammer, take her by the head, chill warrant you this feast!
Smite, I say, gammer! Bite, I say, gammer! I trow ye will be keen!
Where be your nails? claw her by the jaws, pull me out both her eyen.
Gog's bones, gammer, hold up your head!

Chat. I trow, drab, I shall dress thee.
Tarry, thou knave, I hold thee a groat! I shall make these hands bless thee!
Take thou this, old whore, for amends, and learn thy tongue well to tame,
And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame!

Hodge. Where is the strong stewed whore? chill gi'r a whore's mark!
Stand out one's way, that ich kill none in the dark!
Up, gammer, and ye be alive! chill fight now for us both.
Come no near me, thou scald callet! to kill thee ich were loth.

Chat. Art here again, thou hoddypeke? what, Doll! bring me out my spit.

Hodge. Chill broach thee with this, by m'father's soul, chill conjure that foul spreet.
Let door stand. Cock! why com'st indeed? keep door, thou whoreson boy!

Chat [to Doll]. Stand to it, thou dastard, for thine ears, ise teach thee, a sluttish toy!

Hodge. Gog's wounds, whore, chill make thee avaunt!
Take heed, Cock, pull in the latch!

Chat. I'faith, sir Loose-breech, had ye tarried, ye should have found your match!

Gammer. Now 'ware thy throat, losel, thou'se pay for all!

Hodge. Well said, gammer, by my soul.
Hoise her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull her throat-bole!

Chat. Com'st behind me, thou withered witch? and I get once on foot!
Thou'se pay for all, thou old tar-leather! I'll teach thee what longs to 't!
Take thee this to make up thy mouth, till time thou come by more!