subscriptions, which perhaps Mr. Kelly will be good enough to canvass and collect for Mr. Punch. The Kelly-Punch Biography will be a production worthy the gigantic genius of the age, and Mr. Punch admits that his collaborateur has admirably done his part of the work.

HISTORIANS AND HERETICS.

By attempting to enforce the Infallibility Dogma on those inconsistent people, who, calling themselves Old Catholics, have seceded from Popery in exercising their private judgment, and refusing, though ordered by an Œcumenical Council, to eat dirt, the Archbishops of the Roman Obedience appear to be waking snakes. The Pall Mall Gazette a few days since, said:—

"It was announced in our latest edition yesterday, that the Archbishop of Munich has excommunicated Professor Froschhammer. To-day a German correspondent informs us that the Professor has published an essay, in which he proves that the Catholic Clergy are all excommunicated for adopting the Copernican system and taking interest on money."

Professors Froschhammer and Döllinger, however, are snakes in a more serious sense than the ordinary cobras, rattle-snakes, copperheads, and vipers in general which the Fathers of the Lateran Council would mean by snakes, as a name for heretics. Hitherto heretics have been regarded by the Roman Catholic hierarchy as vipers which, in impugning Authority, bite a file. The above-named Professors appeal to History against the Pope. Dr. Manning may declare this appeal to be treason. He might add that it is undeniable treason. The reproach of treason lies in failure.

"But when it prospers none dare call it treason."

Such snakes as Professor Döllinger and Professor Froschhammer bite things more vulnerable than files. They bite legs and feet, through scarlet stockings, and white satin cross-embroidered slippers.

A Creed Miscalled.

The researches of Mr. Ffoulkes and other learned investigators appear to have proved that the creed of St. Athanasius, so-called, was not composed until ages after the decease of that personage. If so, it was unduly entitled with his name. Considering the purport of certain generally unpopular clauses in Athanasius his Creed, one conceives that it might, perhaps, be more appropriately styled the Creed of Anathema-maran-athanasius.

"CHEEK!"

Commercial Gent (to Swell who was smoking a fragrant Havannah). "Would you Oblige me, Sir, by Changing into another Carriage, or putting your Cigar out pro tem.?"

Swell (nonchalantly). "O, certainly." (Throws his Cigar out of the Window.)

Commercial Gent (complacently producing and filling his Meerschaum). "Sorry to Trouble you, but I never can Enjoy my Pipe when there's a Bad Weed a goin'!!"

FROM GALWAY TO CANDY.

Mr. W. H. Gregory, the accomplished Member for Galway, goes to Ceylon as Governor. We firmly believe that the Ædile rejoiceth at this, as Mr. Gregory knows a deal about Art, and the Ædile loveth not such men. Mr. Punch regrets to lose a bright speaker from the House, but is glad of his promotion. It will be no more,

Gregory, remember thy swashing blow."

The Honourable Member's "blow" will be had where—

Such will be the Gregorian Chant for some time to come. A pleasant exile, and a safe return, are Mr. Punch's sweet wishes to him who departeth for Candy.

UN MONSIEUR SMITH.

Among the news of the other day appeared the following:—

"Two Frenchmen, one of whom, however, gives the name of Smith, are in custody, charged with the commission of several burglaries in the suburbs of the Metropolis."

You would have liked to hear one of the Frenchmen give the name of Smith. His tongue, surely, betrayed him. M. Vaurien, or whatever his real name was, of course, in attempting to give the name of Smith, gave that of Smeet or Smis. Give the name of Smith, indeed! A Frenchman might as well try to give the password of Shibboleth.

A WORKING MAN ON WORK.

At the National Congress of Trades Societies at Nottingham, last week, a Mr. Graham said:—

"In his opinion it was one of the rights of a free man to cease work when he wished, either for reasonable or even unreasonable causes."

This is so exactly Mr. Punch's belief that, wishing at this identical moment to cease work, for the reasonable or unreasonable cause that he feels more inclined to smoke, he knocks off, without appending any proper and moral observations to Mr. Graham's dictum. Whether Mr. Graham keeps any sort of servant, and if so, whether Mr. Graham recognises the right in question when he wants his beer fetched, or his boots cleaned, is the only query that Mr. Punch chooses to exert himself to put. But he must add that the world would go on delightfully if this rule were always acted upon; and he is glad that the Trade Societies are enlightened enough to do their best to bring on a Millennium.

Suggestion to Mr. Lowe.

Lay a heavy tax on all persons telling old jokes, making old puns. Let the tax be doubled in the case of any person attempting to pass off such old joke or pun as "a good thing he's just heard," or as "a funny thing that happened to his cousin the other day." Mr. Lowe will find public-spirited men ready to hand in nearly all clubs who will voluntarily give their services, and for a moderate percentage will act as Collectors of this particular form of taxation at every dinner-party (where the name and address of the offender will be taken down), and in Society's drawing-rooms. This and a tax on photographs will bring in a handsome additional revenue for Eighteen-Seventy-Two.

A STILL BIGGER "CLAIMANT.

MY HEALTH.
(Concluded.)