src="@public@vhost@g@gutenberg@html@files@38111@38111-h@images@i_099.jpg" alt="" title="" tag="{http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml}img"/> HOW REPUTATIONS OF DISTINGUISHED AMATEURS ARE SOMETIMES MADE

Herr Silbermund (the Great Pianist) to Mrs. Tattler.—"Ach, Lady Creichton has for bainting der most remârrgaple chênius. Look at dis! It is eqval to Felasquez!"

M. Languedor (the Famous Painter) to Miss Gushington.—"Ah! For ze music, Miladi Crétonne has a talent kvite exceptionnel. Listen to zat! It surpass Madame Schumann!"

EOTHEN

Cook's Tourist (female).—"What's that jagged white line on the horizon, I wonder?"

Cook's Tourist (male).—"Snow, probably!"

Cook's Tourist (female).—"Ah! that's much more likely! I heard the captain saying it was Greece!"

THE DANCING MAN OF THE PERIOD

"Been dancin' at all?"

"Dancin'? Not I! Catch me dancin' in a house where there ain't a smokin'-room! I'm off, directly!"

UNCONSCIOUS CYNICISM

She.—"It's such years since we met that perhaps you never heard of my marriage?"

He.—"No, indeed! Is it—er—recent enough for congratulations?"

UNLUCKY SPEECHES

She.—"What a disagreeable thing that insomnia must be! Very trying, I think! Do you ever suffer from it, Captain Spinks?"

He.—"Oh, dear, no. I can sleep anywhere, at any time! Could go off this moment, I assure you ...!"

FIN DE SIÈCLE

"That's where poor Mrs. Wilkins used to live!"

"Why 'poor' Mrs. Wilkins?"

"Well, her husband was killed in that horrid railway accident, don't you remember?"

"Oh, but that was months ago!"

A CUP OF TEA AND A QUIET CIGARETTE AFTER LUNCH

PRECEDENCE IN VANITY FAIR

The lady guests go in to dinner with the host and young Sir John and young Sir James and the Hon. Dick Swiveller, while the hostess naturally takes the arm of her nephew, Lord Goslin (just from Eton), so that, as the party is just two ladies short, Dr. Jones, the great historian, and Professor Brown, the famous philologist (whose wives have not been asked), bring up the rear together.

The Doctor.—"Well, Professor, we may be of less consequence than the rest, but at all events we're the oldest and the most renowned!"

THINGS ONE COULD WISH TO HAVE EXPRESSED OTHERWISE

Puzzled Hostess.—"I beg your pardon, Lord Bovril, but will you tell me whether I ought to take your arm, or Prince Sulkytoff's, or the Duke's?"

Lord Bovril (Lord-Lieutenant of the County).—"Well—a—since you ask me, I must tell you that—a—as her Majesty's representative, I am bound to claim the honor! But I hope you won't for a moment suppose that I'm fool enough—a—to care personally one rap about that sort of thing!"

DANCING MEN

ILL-CONSIDERED UTTERANCES

Well-Preserved Elderly Coquette.—"Ah! Admiral, what a good time we had there, junketing and dancing and flirting! It all seems like yesterday! Do you remember the Carew girls, and your old flame Lucy Masters, and that poor boy Jack Lushington, who was so desperately in love with me?"

The Admiral.—"Indeed I do, dear Lady Maria! And to think of their all dying ... years ago!... And of old age, too!"

AN EQUIVOCAL COMPLIMENT

Lady Prattler (a confirmed first-nighter, to actor-manager).—"I congratulate you on your success last night, Mr. McStamp!... How good you were! It was all charmin'—so light, so bright, so well put on the stage!... And oh! such nice long entr'actes, you know!"

PROFESSIONAL BEAUTIES OF THE PAST

Housekeeper (showing visitors over historic mansion).—"This is the portrait of Queen Catherine of Medici—sister to the Venus of that name...."

THE GONDOLETTE

A FESTIVE PROCESSION

Meet of the Four-in-Hand Club, Hyde Park, London.

THE JOYS OF HOSPITALITY

Jenkins.—"Good heavens! Why, there's that brute Tomkins! The skunk! I wonder you can ask such a man to your