certainly." (Gives it.)

He.—"Thanks, awfully!" (Bows and proceeds on his way.)

TEUTONIC SATIRE

Hostess.—"Oh, pray don't leave off, Herr Rosencranz. That was a lovely song you just began!"

Eminent Barytone.—"Yes, matame, bot it tit not harmonise viz de cheneral gonferzation. It is in B vlat, and you and all your vrents are talking in G. I haf a zong in F and a zong in A sharp, bot I haf no zong in G!"

Accompanist.—"Ach! Berhaps, to opliche matame, I could dransbose de aggombaniments—ja?"

REASONING FROM INDUCTION

"Look, Geoffrey! That's Lady Emily Tomlinson. Isn't she pretty?"

"Yes. And I s'pose that's Lord Emily walking with her!"

THOSE INFELICITOUS SPEECHES

Professor Boreham.—"What! alone, Mrs. Highflyer? Your husband is not ill, I trust!"

Mrs. Highflyer (innocently).—"Oh no; but he was afraid he might be, if he came here!"

SOCIAL PERSEVERANCE

Mrs. Onslow-Pushington.—"What a very singular woman Lady Masham is, Professor! I have called on her every Wednesday this month, and the footman (who knows me perfectly) always said she was out, though Wednesday's her day at home, and there were lots of carriages at the door! She never calls on me—never! And when I bow to her, as I always do, she always looks another way, as she did just now. I must really call again next Wednesday."

THE LAST STRAW!

"What's the matter, dearest? You look sad...."

"Oh, everything's going wrong. The children are ill in bed, and nurse has got the influenza, and my husband declares that ruin is staring us in the face, and I've got an unbecoming frock, and altogether I'm thoroughly depressed...."

(Breaks down.)

JUST IN TIME FOR A CUP OF TEA

FELINE AMENITIES

The Misses Tiptylte.—"Such fun! We're going to Mrs. Masham's fancy ball as Cinderella's ugly sisters—with false noses, you know!"

Miss Aquila Sharpe.—"What a capital idea! But why false noses?"

NEIGHBORLY COMPLIMENTS

"Tell me, Mrs. Jones, who's that young Adonis your married daughter is looking up to so eagerly?"

"Her husband, Mrs. Snarley!"

"Dear me, you don't say so! I congratulate you.... Now I understand how you come to have such good-looking grandchildren."

GENTLE TERRORISM

The Professor.—"Will you give me a kiss, my dear?"

Effie (an habitually naughty girl).—"Oh, mammie.... I'll be good, I'll be good.... I promise!"

AN UNPLEASANT SOCIAL DUTY

Hostess.—"Geoffrey, I want you to dance with that little girl!"

Geoffrey.—"Oh, well, if I must, I must ...!"

STREET DIALECTICS

Brown (who was all but run over).—"Why didn't you call out sooner, you stupid ass?"

Cabby.—"I did, sir!"

Brown.—"Why didn't you call out louder, then?"

Cabby.—"I did, sir!"

EQUAL TO THE OCCASION

Mrs. Gushington.—"Oh! oh! what a lovely, lovely picture! So true, so...."

Our Artist.—"Wait a bit, Mrs. Gushington—it's wrong side up.... Let me put it right first ...!" (Does so.)

Mrs. Gushington (unabashed).—"Oh! oh! oh! Why, that way it's even more lovely still!"

PRECEDENCE AT BONNEBOUCHE HALL DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Grandpapa takes the bride in to dinner, and the rest follow anyhow.

HISTRIONIC EGOTISM

Our Pet Actor (just arrived).—"By Jove—these good people all seem to know me very well—nodding and smiling"—(nods and smiles himself, right and left)—"uncommonly flattering, I'm sure—considering I've never set foot in the town before!"

Our Pet Artist (his chum).—"I'm afraid it's me they're nodding and smiling at, old man! I come every year, you know—and know every soul in the place!"

A STATELY STAIRCASE WINDS AROUND A LARGE HALL