promoted will not need to say, with the King of Denmark, "O, my offence is rank!"

"MANNING THE (BACK-)YARDS"

Chelsea, June, 1891. Four Bell(e)s.

MILITARY SURGERY

Dear Field-Marshal Punch.—In a telegram from the seat of war this week I find the following obscure passage. "General Blank held the enemy's main body whilst General Dash carried out his movements." Knowing your skill in tactics, may I ask if you can explain this to me either verbally or pictorially. Used in contradistinction to his main body, I presume the enemy's "movements" must be his limbs, and if all four were carried out by this barbarous general, it would be certainly a feat of arms, and the movement might be said to be al-leg-ro. Nothing is said as to whether the enemy survived this fearful operation depriving him of his members, but it may be a case of a truncated despatch. Then, where were the movements carried out to? If the presumption stated above be correct, I infer it must have been to the region of limbo, but the army in Flanders never practised such lopsided manœuvres.

Yours respectfully,

Corporal Trim.

"All's Well!"

Cockney Volunteer (on sentry go). "Halt! Who goes there?"

Rustic. "It's all roight, man. Oi cooms along 'ere ev'ry maarnin'!"

SKIRMISHING IN PERSPECTIVE

"A good skirmisher, if there is no cover, should hide behind his boots!"

Elder Sister (coming up). "Kitty! what have you been saying to Captain Coward? He looks dreadfully offended!"

Kitty (engaged to the Captain). "I only told him that if he had gone to the war and been shot, I should have been so proud of him!"

"AN ARMED NATION"

    ["The War Office has decided to grant one rifle to every ten men joining the new rifle clubs, throughout the country."—Daily Press.]

1. In face of the enemy the rifle must be fired as quickly as possible, and then passed on to the next man.

2. No squabbling in the ranks, as to whose turn it is to shoot, shall be allowed by the commanding officer, and his decision shall be final.

3. The other nine men, whilst awaiting their turn, must stand at "attention," and scowl fiercely at the enemy.

4. Where the commanding officer, in his discretion, sees opportunity for so doing, he shall employ several men simultaneously, to fire the rifle—i.e. one to hold the rifle to his shoulder, a second to close his left eye, and a third to pull