PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 62.

January 13, 1872.

A STRAIGHTFORWARD VIEW.

High Church Curate. "And what do you Think, Mr. Simpson, about a Clergyman's Turning to the East?"

Literal Churchwarden. "Well, Sir, my Opinion is, that if the Clergyman is Goodlookin', he don't want to Turn his Back to the Congregation!"

POKES IN PANTOMIMES.

Non omnia possumus omnes; we are not all Popes, nor should we be omnipotent even if we were infallible. The Daily News is a journal of ability; but there is a certain inconsistency, the cause of which it declares itself unable to fathom:—

"That all personal allusions to the private lives of individuals should be eschewed on the stage, we readily admit. Indeed, we sympathise with Dr. Johnson, who, on hearing that Foote, the actor, intended to imitate his mien and gestures, inquired the price of a good thick stick; but why, in the name of common sense, when caricatures of Mr. Gladstone and Mr. Lowe weekly appear in humorous journals, and when scarcely a day passes without these gentlemen being attacked in print on account of one or other of their public acts, every harmless joke upon their official doings should be expunged from the pantomimes, surpasses comprehension."

Our excellent contemporary forgets that there is in theatres a place called the Gallery. This place is occupied by a peculiar description of audience and spectators. In the theatre, by physical position, they constitute the higher orders, but in common talk are contrariwise named. Of old, bloated aristocrats were wont ironically to style them "the Gods." Enlightened Statesmen, however, with a just appreciation of their value as British voters, use to call them the People. Now the People of the Gallery are not accustomed to read humorous journals in which caricatures of the People's William, and the People's Robert, appear weekly. If they were, it would be necessary for the humorous journals to be very careful in caricaturing those popular Ministers, lest caricatures should endanger their popularity. The People of the Gallery are our flesh and blood, but they are as yet uneducated, and apt to take jokes too seriously. If the Clown in a Pantomime were to tread upon a match-box, and get blown up sky-high, or if, assisted by the Pantaloon, he presented a working man in an arsenal with a sack, these performances, to the occupants of the boxes indeed, would be harmless jokes, but the effect produced by them in the electoral way would probably be mischievous, in a gallery filled with friends and relations of match-venders and dockyard labourers.

The Best Tonic.

The Doctors disapprove of alcohol, but they are as alive as ever to the cheering effect of "good spirits" on their patients.

PROBABLE INTELLIGENCE.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer, being thoroughly convinced of the injustice of the Income-tax, is maturing a measure for its total abolition. To prove that he is perfectly sincere in the task he undertakes, he has resolved to throw up office if the tax again be voted.

Mr. Ayrton is engaged in studying the Fine Arts, with a view to being able to lecture Lord Elcho and others on the subject, and also to defend the action of the Government in resisting all attempts to improve the National Gallery.

In the fear lest His Holiness be forced to quit the Vatican, Mr. Whalley, M.P., has written, very generously, to offer his own residence as an asylum for the Pope, while exiled from his kingdom.

It is proposed, at the conclusion of the Tichborne trial, to treat the Judge and Jury to a trip upon the Continent, in order to prevent them from becoming monomaniacs, through having their minds occupied so long with one subject.

It is considered almost certain that M. Thiers will seize a very early opportunity to vacate his seat, as President, in favour either of the Comte de Paris or of M. Gambetta.

The game slaughtered at the battues of eleven noble sportsmen (all members of the Legislature), has been carefully distributed among the East-End poor.

It has been ascertained, by an accurate survey in London and the provinces, that no fewer than one pantomime has been produced this season, without containing any humorous allusion to "the Claimant."

Mr. Gladstone has received one hundred and twelve letters, from Peterborough, Hanwell, Colney Hatch, and other places, asking for a confirmation of the rumour that his great-great-grandmother embraced the Jewish faith.

More than a hundred noble members of the Gun Club have withdrawn their names this season, and have transferred their subscriptions to the Humane Society.

Among the measures likely to be introduced by Government are: (1) a Bill for the Reduction of the Prices charged by Butchers; (2) a Bill to Compel Londoners to Clean their Streets in Dirty Weather; and (3) a Bill to Disafforest Primrose Hill and the Brighton Cliffs and Racecourse.

The First Lord of the Admiralty has been taking a few lessons in political navigation, with the view, upon emergency, of taking chief command of the vessel of the State.

It is considered highly probable that, following the good example of some Dramatic Managers, certain Barristers and Doctors in the very highest practice intend to decorate their waiting-rooms with little placards of "No Fees!"

JUST A HINT.

Is there not a bit of Sydney Smith's, wherein that divine, describing a Scottish rising against English tyranny, says that Sawney betook himself to the heather, and, having scratched himself with one hand, and cast up an account with the other, suddenly waxed furious, and drew his sword? We hope that certain Transatlantic friends of ours will not bring in so tremendous a bill against us, as to make it cheaper for us to fight than to pay. For we love them very much, but we are obliged to be awfully economical in these Gladstonian days.

Mathematical Intelligence.

It would puzzle a Senior Wrangler to find out how to square a circle. Yet Tomkins Junior says that, though he is only twelve years old, he will back himself on any given morning to get round a square.

——"We are such Stuff As Dreams are made of——"

Tempest.

EVENINGS FROM HOME.

The next place of Amusement to which Mr. Barlow took his two young pupils was the Strand Theatre. Here they saw Arion, or the Story