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The Vernacular.

"Yer know that young Germin feller as come ter sty in our 'ouse six months agow? Well, w'en fust 'e come, I give yer my word'e didn' know nothink but 'is own lengwidge; but we bin learnin' 'im English, an' now e' can speak it puffick—jes' the sime as wot you an' me can."

Dinner for the H-less. Good Educational Course for an Uneducated Cockney.—An aitch-bone.

Cockneys at Aldershot.—First Cockney. "'Ere, 'Arry, where's the colonel?"

Second Cockney. "The colonel, bless yer, 'e's in an 'ut."

Household Note.—(By a Cockney). What to do with cold mutton. Heat it.

Cockney Conundrum.—Wot lake in Hengland's got the glassiest buzzum?

Windermere.

For Cives Romani.—The way to 'Ampton races?—The 'Appy 'Un (Appian) of course.

'Bus Conductor. "Emmersmith! Emmersmith! 'Ere ye are Emmersmith!"

Liza Ann. "Oo er yer callin' Emmer Smith? Sorcy 'ound!"

Poor Letter "A."

"Do you sell type?"—"Type, sir? No, sir. This is an ironmonger's. You'll find type at the linendryper's over the w'y!"

"I don't mean tape, man! Type, for printing!"

"Oh, toype yer mean! I beg yer pardon, sir!"

MYOPIA

Little Binks (to unsteady party who had lurched heavily against him). "I beg your pardon, I'm sure, but I'm very short-sighted——"

Dissipated Stranger. "Do' mensh't, shir—I've met goo' many shor' sight peopl'sh morn', bu' you're firsh gen'l'm'sh made 'shli'sht 'pology!"

Our 'Arry Again!

'Arry is at a hotel where the boarding system prevails, and sees the following notice posted on the walls—"Breakfast, 9 a.m."

'Arry (to Waiter). "Breakfast, and some 'am."

Waiter. "We've no 'am."

'Arry. "No 'am! (Pointing to notice.) What's that?"

Says one 'Arry to another 'Arry. "I say, old man, the papers say they 'ope 1882 will be the openin' of a new era. What's that?"

Second 'Arry. "Openin' of a new 'earer? Why, a telephone, of course, you juggins!"

A SONG FOR COCKNEY SPORTSMEN