قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105 September 23, 1893
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105 September 23, 1893
opened, and "Master Sammy" applied the gas. I am sorry to say he performed the operation rather clumsily, and my poor lad never "went off." George Lewis Bolton Rollit subsequently described every detail of the performance, and said that he had suffered excruciating pain. Then Mr. Leo Armstrong went to work, and, after several struggles, got out a bit of tooth, and then another. Then George Lewis Bolton Rollit came to himself, and the usual comforts were supplied to him.
"I think there's a bit of the tooth still in the gum," said Mr. Leo Armstrong; and then, after a pause, with the air of Jack Horner pulling out a plum, he produced an immense pair of forceps from the instrument drawer. "There." he added, triumphantly, as he exhibited another piece of ivory, "I told you so!"
George Lewis Bolton Rollit had now sufficiently recovered to complain bitterly of the pain he had suffered.
"Impossible," I observed; "remember this is painless dentistry."
I had not intended the remark as a witticism, but rather as a solace to the sufferer. Still, "Master Sammy" and Mr. Leo Armstrong accepted it as first-class waggery, and indulged in roars of laughter. Then the former took his departure. I found that I was indebted to the latter to the extent of 15s. 6d. I don't know how my dentist had arrived at the sum, but he said it with such determination that I could only offer a sovereign and receive the change.
"I want my tooth," said George Lewis Bolton Rollit, who is of an affectionate nature. "I want to give it to Mother."
Then Mr. Leo Armstrong interposed. He desired to keep the tooth (in several pieces) himself. I understood him to say that he regarded it as a memorial of an initial victory—his first extraction.
"Dear me!" I exclaimed. "Why I thought you had been established at least twenty years, Mr. Leo Armstrong."
"Well, to tell the truth," was the reply, "I am not Mr. Leo Armstrong. He's away for the day, and I am taking his place!"
Then George Lewis Bolton Rollit and I bowed ourselves out. As I left the premises I fancied I heard the click of marbles. No doubt "Master Sammy" and "Mr. Leo Armstrong" had resumed the game our visit had interrupted. I was relieved to find myself safe from a fall caused perchance by one of their runaway hoops.
And now to perform my duty. I need scarcely say that it is to add my recommendation to that of Sir Peter Twitwillow anent Callerherring. You should not fail to visit the place, especially if you have a son suffering from "a raging tooth," that "must come out."
Pump-Handle Court, Temple, September, 1893.
THE THREE JOVIAL HUNTSMEN.
(Latest Parliamentary Version.)
It's of three jovial huntsmen, an' a hunting they did go;
An' they hunted, an' they hollo'd, an' they blew their horns also.
Look ye there!
An' one said, "Mind yo'r 'ayes,' and keep yo'r 'noes' well down th' wind,
An' then, by scent or seet, we'll leet on summat to our mind."
Look ye there!
They hunted, an' they hollo'd, an' the first thing they did find
Was a tatter't boggart, in a field, an' that they left behind.
Look ye there!
One said it was a scarecrow, an' another he said "Nay;
It's just the British Farmer, an' he seems in a bad way."
Look ye there!
They hunted, an' they hollo'd, an' the next thing they did find
Was a gruntin', grindin' grindlestone, an' that they left behind.
Look ye there!
One said it was a grindlestone, another he said "Nay;
It's just th' owd Labour Question, which is always in the way."
Look ye there!
They hunted, an' they hollo'd, an' the next thing they did find
Was a bull-calf in a pinfold, an' that too they left behind.
Look ye there!
One said it was a bull-calf, an' another he said "Nay;
It is just a Rural Voter who has lately learned to bray."
Look ye there!
They hunted, an' they hollo'd, an' the next thing they did find
Was a two-three children leaving school, an' these they left behind.
Look ye there!
One said that they were children, but another he said "Nay;
They're Denominational-divvels, who want freedom plus State-pay."
Look ye there!
They hunted, an' they hollo'd, and the next thing they did find
Was two street-spouters and a crowd, an' these they left behind.
Look ye there!
One said they were street-spouters, but another he said, "Nay;
They're just teetotal lunatics who on Veto want their say."
Look ye there!
They hunted an' they hollo'd, an' the next thing they did find
Was a dead sheep hanging by it's heels, an' that they left behind.
Look ye there!
One said it was Welsh Mutton, but another he said, "Nay;
It's the ghost of a Suspensory Bill; we'd better get away!"
Look ye there!
They hunted, an' they hollo'd, an' the next thing they did find
Was a fat pig boltin' thro' a hedge, an' that they left behind.
Look ye there!
One said it was an Irish hog, but another he said "Nay;
It's our plump, pet Home-Rule porker, which the Lords have driven away!"
Look ye there!
So they hunted, an' they hollo'd, till the setting of the sun;
An' they'd nought to bring away at last, when th' huntin'-day was done.
Look ye there!
Then one unto the other said, "This huntin' doesn't pay;
But we've powler 't up an' down a bit, an' had a rattlin' day."
Look ye there!
BRILLIANT SUGGESTION.
(Overheard at the Sea-side.)
She. "So much nicer now that all the Visitors have gone. Don't you think so?"
He. "Yes, by Jove! So jolly nice and quiet! Often wonder that Everybody doesn't come now, when there's Nobody here, don't you know!"
QUEER QUERIES.
Parson and Premier.—I see that a person who is called "the Episcopal Vicar of Blairgowrie" said that he would decline to shake hands with the Prime Minister, in the utterly improbable event of the
