PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 150

JUNE 28, 1916.

CHARIVARIA.

Two sailors charged with stealing a barrel of beer from a public-house at Dover explained that it was only a joke. The prosecution however pointed out that when the defendants were arrested a large part of the joke was found to be on them.

An applicant to the London Appeal Tribunal asked for exemption on the ground that he was engaged in the business, previously monopolized by Germans, of filling Santa Claus stockings. The Tribunal however concluded that for the present he would be better employed in the business, also largely a German monopoly before the War, of filling a tunic.

Herr Bethmann-Hollweg has explained to members of the German Flottenvereins that after the War Germany will require a strong Fleet to "guard the transatlantic lanes of commerce." This of course explains why they have refrained up to the present from annihilating the British Fleet. They expect to use it in their coming war with Portugal.

"The pair of swans on the lake at Hampton Court," says a news item, "have hatched out seven young cygnets." Ordinary swans of course only hatch out goslings or ducklets.

A defendant who was fined £1 at Woking for shooting a wild-duck pleaded that he was an enthusiastic ornithologist and wanted the bird for comparison with other specimens. We ourselves in former times were in the habit of mounting our wild ducks in sets, but since the outbreak of the War the exorbitant prices charged by the local taxidermist have deprived us of the pleasures of comparative ornithology.

A Bill introduced into the House of Commons last week enables the Crown to continue for a limited time after the War (three years, with a possible extension to another four) in possession of land occupied during the War for defence purposes. We understand that in the framing of this measure the feelings of Tino were not consulted.

The Berlingske Tidende declares that the British authorities are collecting vast quantities of coffee in Sweden which will be sent to Germany after the War. It is also generally believed, on the strength of the reports of the Paris Conference, that equally large quantities of beans are being assembled in France and elsewhere which will be handed to Germany immediately after the conclusion of the struggle.

A Willesden man, charged with being disorderly at a music-hall, pleaded that the performance was so jolly that he had to dance. That sort of thing is all right in places like Willesden, but we trust that our West End managers will continue to eliminate from their programmes anything likely to be provocative of similar behaviour.

The report that Mexico has sent an ultimatum to the United States is probably exaggerated. The Mexican authorities are said to be of the opinion that a policy of firmness combined with moderation will bring their unruly neighbour to reason.

A turtle weighing a ton has been caught off the Scilly Isles. The animal, which made no attempt to resist capture, stated that it was tired of being mistaken for a submarine.

Sweep (who is to be called up in a few days, pointing to staff uniform). "I shall be wearing them things next week, mate."

From an account of the Russian advance:—

"The enemy is desisting furiously, particularly in the region of Torgovitsa."

Provincial Paper.

Just as the German High Seas Fleet did off the coast of Jutland.

THE SENIOR PARTNER.

As viewed by Franz Josef, Junior Partner.

WHAT THE PRESSMEN SAW.

(By our Naval Expert).

I have passed a week rich in experiences. The things I've seen! As one of a party of journalists accorded the privilege of a visit to the Trawler Fleet I am able to-day at last to lift the curtain and tell the public what is going on. It is true that there are some restrictions as to what may be published, but I think you will find that I am free to relate the best bits.

The Trawler Fleet! The Trawler Fleet is a power of great and diverse capabilities. But my visit was paid not so much to estimate its fighting value as to plumb its spiritual depths (which are not so likely to be interfered with by the Censor). The very heart of British sea power, the epitome of modern naval war, is to be found in a little port somewhere on the —— Coast. Here cluster just ordinary little one-funnelled trawlers, grimy little every-day vessels. These are the real thing. They come and go, these trawlers, in and out, back and forth, up and down, round and round; but they are being wrought into the weft and woof of history, every one of them.

I contemplated them. On one I found an old tar cleaning his shore-going boots. We entered into conversation, the ice being broken by a friendly query of his as to whether the adoption of Summer Time had affected the prohibited hours. And I—with intention—asked him if he had been fishing.

"Fishing?" said he; and he looked at me and winked. There was heroism in his wink with a dash of humour, as is the way with men of our race.

On another I found a mere boy. His job, I gathered, was to help the cook and wash up. "The War," he considered, "'adn't made no sort o' difference to 'im. His job went on much the same."