قراءة كتاب Mr. Punch's Life in London
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Just Off—the Bourse.—Stockbroker (to Client who has been pretty well loaded with certain scrip). Well, it just comes to this. Are you prepared to go the whole hog or none?
Client (timidly). I think I'd rather go the none.
HOUSEHOLD HINTS FOR ECONOMICAL MANAGERS
How to Obtain a good Serviceable Light Porter.—Take a pint of stout, and add a quart of spring water. There you have him.
How to make Hats last.—Make everything else first.
How to Prevent Ale from Spoiling.—Drink it.
How to Avoid being Considered above your Business.—Never live over your shop.
How to make your Servants rise.—Send them up to sleep in the attics.
Bus Driver (to charioteer of broken-down motor-car). "I've been tellin' yer all the week to taike it 'ome, an' now yer wants to, yer cawn't!"
THE STREETS OF LONDON
The stately streets of London
Are always "up" in Spring,
To ordinary minds an ex-
traordinary thing.
Then cabs across strange ridges bound,
Or sink in holes, abused
With words resembling not, in sound,
Those Mrs. Hemans used.
The miry streets of London,
Dotted with lamps by night;
What pitfalls where the dazzled eye
Sees doubly ruddy light!
For in the season, just in May,
When many meetings meet,
The jocund vestry starts away,
And closes all the street.
The shut-up streets of London!
How willingly one jumps
From where one's cab must stop through pools
Of mud, in dancing pumps!
When thus one skips on miry ways
One's pride is much decreased,
Like Mrs. Gilpin's, for one's "chaise"
Is "three doors off" at least.
The free, fair streets of London
Long, long, in vestry hall,
May heads of native thickness rise,
When April showers fall;
And green for ever be the men
Who spend the rates in May,
By stopping all the traffic then
In such a jocose way!
Straphanger (in first-class compartment, to first-class passenger). "I say, guv'nor, 'ang on to this 'ere strap a minute, will yer, while I get a light?"
Civic Wit.—A City friend of ours, who takes considerable interest in the fattening of his fowls, alleges, as a reason, that he is an advocate for widening the
