whare philosophy and sentiment frolik together, and whare wit sits in state, with one arm around the waist ov morality."—Omaha Patriot, July 4th, 1869.

JANUARY MONOGRAPH.

This month waz named after one Janus, a sharp sighted old chap, with a face like a pikaxe, so that he could look both ways at once, back onto the old year, and forward onto the new one. At the latter part ov his life he died of a thaw, leaving a snug little property, sum six or seven hundred dollars, which akordin tew one ov the bye-laws ov hiz will, waz invested in tin back thermometors, and distributed amung the suffering poor ov his native village, az mementoze ov Janus.

DOMESTIX RECEIPTS.

Tew find the square root ov a hog's noze, turn him into a gardin patch.

Tew enjoy a good reputashun, giv publickly, and steal privately.

Tew remove grease from a man's karakter, let him strike sum sudden ile.

Tew giv oysters an extra good relish, eat them at sumboddy else's expense.

Tew git wrong things out ov yure child's head,—comb it often.

I never argy agin a suckcess, when i see a rattlesnaixs hed sticking out ov a whole, i bear off to the left, and say to miself—that hole belongs to that snaix.=

Josh Billings

Cider may be a good temprance beverage, but i hav seen folks git so drunk on it, that they couldn't tell one ov the 10 commandments from a bye law or a base bawl klub.=

Josh Billings

Q.–What iz an old bachelor?
A.–The hero ov a cot bedstead.

FEBUARY MONOGRAPH.

This month haz but 28 days, the extreme kold weather that prevails haz puckered up the month. Once in four years thare iz a big melt and then the month swells, and haz 29 days. This month iz looked upon az unpleasant, and it iz unpleasant for digging out woodchucks, but for setting in front of the fire, and skinning apples, and snapping the seeds at the galls, it kant be beat. The name ov this month is derived from an old Chinese word (now lost) which means condem kold.

USEFUL HINTS TEW BOARDIN HOUSE KEEPERS.

In buying roast beef, dont forgit, that roast beef, tew be bully, must be tuff.

Be kerful how yu soke yure makrel, too mutch sokeing, takes the wear out ov them.

In selekting a yung goose for yure table, dont forgit tew remember, that the longer a goose has lived in this world, the more experience he will hav, when he cums tew be chawed.

Keep a cow, and then the milk wont hav tew be watered but once.

Q.–What iz the best