kure for lazyness?
A.–Milking a cow on the run, and living on the milk.

MARCH MONOGRAPH.

This month derives her pedigree from the Danish verb "Whizz," which means to blow, to wheeze, to snort, to pitch in endways, and crossways, to shake winder blinds, to smash barn doors, to skare pigs, to brake clothes lines, to make men sware, and wimmin balky. March iz principally immense for wind, but whare it all cums from, and whare it all goes to, are prize conumdrums which i kant untangle Dogs kreated this month invariably hav the bark on.

ATTENSHUN FARMERS.

Rathbun's "Old oaken bucket washing masheen." For washing, bleaching, bileing, wringing, starching, blueing, hanging out, drieing, ironing, marking, fluting, and folding clothes, this lovely masheen haz no competitor in the male, or femail world. This iz the only masheen in the western hemisphear, that takes the inside cloth oph from a man's back on the keen jump, and puts it back agin, in 15 minnitts, washed, dried, ironed, starched, the buttons sowed on, and the collar turned down. Ask for Rathbun's Old oaken bucket washing masheen, and keep asking till yu git it, and when yu hav got it, hug it tew yure buzzum.

Q.–Will yu pleaze to define suicide?
A.–Suicide iz cheating the doktors out ov a job.

APRIL MONOGRAPH.

thus warbled the poet, more than twelve thousand years ago, and he knew his bizz, he had the right sting in him, he want none ov yure pedigree poets, nor dispepshee poets, nor whiskee poets.

Dandylions planted this month are almost sure tew hed out, so are tud stools, so are hed cheeze. This month iz also helthy for planting onions, onions are a luxury, and are good for a bad breth, or are bad for a good breth, i hav forgot which, but either way iz right.

VALUABEL ADVICE TEW YUNG SPORTSMEN.

☛ In fishing for musketoze dont wait for them tew bite the seckond time.

☛ The best bait for bed bugs, iz tew sleep three in a bed.

☛ The best mark for target praktiss iz an old maskuline goose, one goose will last yu for five years shooting, and when he finally gits struck with lightning, and begins tew perish, yu kan melt him up, and git out the lead.

☛ The best kind ov a spear, for bullfrogging, iz a four tined dung fork, when you git the tines all full, shoulder the fork, and put for home.

Q.–How long kan a goose stand on one leg?
A.–Try it,—that's the way the goose found out.