I’ve known a good many women in my time, and they hadn’t a conscience amongst ’em! There’s only one thing can awaken the conscience of woman, and that is being found out.

GERALD.

I am speaking of innocent women.

COLONEL.

I never met one.

GERALD.

Yet——

COLONEL.

Tut, tut, sir; read your Bible. Who was it had the first bite at the apple? And she’s been nibbling at it ever since!

GERALD.

Well, well, uncle, you don’t often come to see me; so we won’t argue. Can I prevail on you to stay to tea?

COLONEL.

To stay to what, sir?

GERALD.

Tea. At five o’clock, I have a few friends coming. Mrs. Sylvester—[Sylvester puts down photograph and turns]—Miss Bethune—Miss Vivash——

SYLVESTER.

And Dr. Mary Bevan?

GERALD.

Yes, I expect Miss Bevan.

COLONEL.

“Naked and Unashamed?”

GERALD.

They may bring Percy with them.

COLONEL.

Percy?

GERALD.

Percy Pettigrew.

COLONEL.

A man? An actual man? A bull amongst that china?

SYLVESTER.

Well, hardly!

COLONEL.

You know him, Sylvester?

SYLVESTER.

They bring him to our house.

GERALD.

Nobody has done more for the Advancement of Woman.

SYLVESTER.

By making a public exhibition of the Decay of Man.

GERALD.

Sylvester, you’re a Philistine. I won’t ask you to stay.

SYLVESTER.

Man the Betrayer might be dangerous, amongst such foolish virgins.

COLONEL.

The danger would be all the other way. I am not sorry I shall have protection. My sister, Caroline, will be here at five.

GERALD.

Aunt Caroline! [A little nervously.]

COLONEL.

I came to announce her visit.

SYLVESTER.

Lady Wargrave has returned to England?

COLONEL.

After ten years’ absence. She has been travelling for her health, which was never too robust; and since Sir Oriel’s death, she has been more or less a wanderer.

GERALD.

I knew she had arrived, but I postponed presenting myself till I was summoned. My aunt has the kindest of hearts——

COLONEL.

A heart of gold, sir.

GERALD.

And a pocket too. Nobody knows that better than I do. Since my parents’ death, she has been father and mother, as well as aunt, to me. But there was always something about aunt that made one keep one’s distance.

COLONEL [in a milder voice than he has yet used].

And there is still, Gerald.

GERALD.

Then I’m glad I’ve kept mine.

COLONEL.

You acted very wisely; I happen to know she wished her arrival kept secret and to descend upon you like a dea ex machinâ. Caroline always had a sense of dramatic effect. But how the deuce did you know of her return?

GERALD.

Oh, very simply. Margery told me.

COLONEL.

Margery!

GERALD.

Aunt wrote to summon her to resume her duties.

COLONEL.

But Margery’s at Mapledurham. Caroline was stopping with some friends in Paris, and Margery was sent on to her father’s.

GERALD.

Six weeks ago.

COLONEL.

Why, you know all about it.

GERALD.

Yes, I was staying there when she arrived. I have been rusticating for the last six weeks. It’s so much easier to write in the fresh air.

SYLVESTER.

You have been writing down at Mapledurham?

GERALD.

That’s what I went for.

COLONEL.

For six weeks?

GERALD.

Six weeks.

COLONEL.

And you have only finished the first chapter?

GERALD.

It’s so difficult to write in the fresh air. One wants to go out and enjoy oneself. And then old Armstrong’s such a jolly old boy.

SYLVESTER.

Armstrong, of Mapledurham? The farmer? Oh, I know him well. I go there for the fishing.

COLONEL.

Then, do you know Margery?

SYLVESTER.

Margery? No.

GERALD.

How that girl sculls!

COLONEL.

Oh, Margery was rowing?

GERALD.

Do you know, uncle, she can almost beat me?

COLONEL.

But what an arm she has!

GERALD.

And when she feathers?——

[Pantomime.

COLONEL.

Ah! when she feathers?——

[Double pantomime.

GERALD.

What a voice, too!

COLONEL.

Hasn’t she!

GERALD.

So musical! When she sings out, “Lock, ho!”

COLONEL [imitating].

“Lock, ho!”

GERALD.

No, not a bit like that—more silvery!

COLONEL.

Not a bit! more silvery!

BOTH [pantomiming].

“Lock, ho!”

SYLVESTER.

Who’s Margery?

COLONEL.

Oh, my dear fellow, just your sort—my sort—well, hang it, every man’s sort! Margery is—oh, how can I explain? If I’d seen a Margery thirty years ago; well, I should never have been a bachelor! Margery is—come, Gerald, what is Margery? Margery is a woman, who—— Well, Margery’s a woman! That’s all Margery is!

GERALD.

Old Armstrong’s daughter. We grew up together. When I was very young, I was considered delicate, and I was sent to the farmhouse at Mapledurham. When I went to Eton, Lady Wargrave took Margery into her service. There she has remained——

COLONEL.

And she is coming with your aunt to-day.

[Knock at door in flat. Re-enter Wells, followed by Mrs. Sylvester, with a small portfolio.

WELLS.

Mrs.