"Prevention Better than Cure."

Jeames (excitedly). "Here—Here—Here's the Shillin'! Quick—Quick—Off with you!"
German Impostor (affecting concern). "Dere is some vun Ill?"
Jeames. "Well, not just yet! But there precious soon will be, if you don't Knock Off!"

The Roll-Call.

Sergeant. "Alister McAlister!" Answer. "Hamisho!"
Sergeant. "Donal' McBean!" Answer. "Hamisho!"
Sergeant. "Peter McKay!" Answer. "Hamisho!"
Sergeant. "John Smith!" Answer. "Here, Sir!"
Sergeant (with a Sniff). "Ugh! 'English Pock-Pudding'"!!

Gentility in Greens.

(Mrs. Brown finds Sandymouth a very different place from what she remembers it years ago!)
Greengrocer. "Cabbage, Mum!? We don't keep no Second-Class Vegetables, Mum. You'll get it at the Lower End o' the Town!"

Plain to Demonstration.

Customer (nervously). "Ah! they must be very Irksome at first."
Dentist (exultantly). "Not a bit of it, Sir! Look here, Sir!" (Dexterously catching his entire set.) "Here's my Uppers, and here's my Unders!"

Unprejudiced!

Swell (at the R. A. Exhibition). "Haw! 've you any Idea—w what Fellaw's Pictu-ars we're to Admi-are this Ye-ar!!!?"

A Kind Son.

Paterfamilias (to his Eldest Son, who is at Bartholomew's). "George, these are uncommonly good Cigars! I can't afford to Smoke such expensive Cigars as these."
George (grandly). "Fill your Case—fill your Case, Gov'ner!!"

Crass Ignorance.

First Swell. "Let's see—To-Morrow's——What's t'day, byth'by?"
Second Swell. "Tuesday, isn't it?—or Monday?—was yest'day Sunday? Ne' mind—(yawns)—my Man'll be here Pwesently—pwecious shwewd Fellow—'Tell us like a Shot!!"

A Change in the Weather.

Paterfamilias (with a sigh: his family have been to Boulogne for the holidays). "It's all up!"
Bachelor Friend (who has enjoyed these little Dinners). "What's the Matter?"
Paterfamilias. "Telegram! She says they've Arrived safe at Folkestone, and will be Home about 10·30!"

"Res Angustæ Domi."

Family Man. "Where do you go this Year, Jinnings?"
Bachelor (in a sketchy manner). "Oh—Baden for a few weeks, and the Whine, Belgium—p'waps get as far's Viennah! Where 'you off to?"
Family Man. "Oh, I suppose I shall take the Old Woman down to Worthing—as usual!"
And he says this in anything but a sprightly manner—which was weak and injudicious.

Irish Ingenuity.

Saxon Tourist. "What on Earth are you Lowering the Shafts for?"
(He has just found out that this manœuvre is gone through at every ascent.)
Car-Driver. "Shure, yer 'onner, we'll make 'm B'lave he's Goin' Down Hill!"

Scrupulous.

Shepherd. "O, Jims, Mun! Can ye no gie a whustle on tha Ram'lin' Brute o' mine? I daurna mysel'; it's just Fast-Day in oor Parish!!"

A Game Two can Play at.

Guard (to Excited Passenger at the Edinburgh Station, just as the Train is Starting). "Ye're too Late, Sir. Ye canna