see her now and again, you know.

Smith. (aside) Drop in and see her! What does——Oh, I see, he must have a family vault. (aloud) Her loss will be a source of immense grief, sir, I am sure.

Dunn. (in same tone) Why should it be? All young persons are anxious to commence that blissful state of life, for it is generally supposed that they are better off—that is to say, they are much happier. Not that my daughter has ever been unhappy here, but the change will be a pleasing novelty to her, therefore I see no reason why I should be grieved at all.

Smith. (aside) How careless he appears to be about her death, and speaks of the next world as a pleasing novelty. A——h! (draws a long deep sigh)

Dunn. (aside) What nonsense to think that I shall be grieved because my daughter leaves my roof to begin married life! He might be arranging for a funeral instead of a wedding, judging from the mournful manner he has of expressing himself, although I must say that it is quite in keeping with his appearance. (aloud) Fanny has always been a good daughter, Mr. Smith, and deserves to be made happy.

Smith. I can believe you, Mr. Dunnbrowne, and doubt not that she will be happy for evermore.

Dunn. You will do your utmost to make her comfortable when you take her, Mr. Smith, will you not?

Smith. You may rest assured that nothing shall be wanting on my part as far as comfort is concerned.

Dunn. I am glad to hear you say so, sir. Remember that this is a great undertaking, but I suppose you have carefully considered the matter before coming here.

Smith. I have, Mr. Dunnbrowne. The responsibilities are very heavy in a case like this, I know, but I think I am quite able to bear them. When do you wish the ceremony to take place?

Dunn. You must suit yourself in that matter, Mr. Smith, I am not particular.

Smith. Very well, sir. Let me see—to-day is Monday—I do not wish to hurry you, suppose we say Thursday.

Dunn. Thursday! So soon! Do not be too hasty, Mr. Smith, let us take proper time over this matter.

Smith. Well, then, shall we say Friday, or Saturday at the latest? We must get it over by Saturday. It would not do to delay it beyond this week.

Dunn. (aside) Bless us, what a desperate hurry he is in! In his letter he tells me has not proposed to Fanny, yet he wants to marry her this week. (aloud) I am not sure that we could make all our arrangements in so short a time, Mr. Smith.

Smith. I can easily manage my portion of the arrangements, Mr. Dunnbrowne, and I think you can manage yours if you make an effort. We will say Saturday and settle that point.

Dunn. Very well. (aside) I don't know what Fanny will say to this. I wish she would come in.

Smith. Well now, Mr. Dunnbrowne, what church do you intend——

Dunn. Oh, I don't mind. Any will suit me.

Smith. St. Paul's is a very neat and quiet church.

Dunn. Very well. St. Paul's will suit me if it suits you. I suppose the officiating clergyman there understands his business as well as any other.

Smith. Oh, certainly. I am partial to St. Paul's because of the good and dry quality of the ground—there is none of that wet clay about it.

Dunn. Well that is rather a good point, Mr. Smith. (aside) How considerate he is! He thinks the ground will be drier to walk on up to the church door. I should not have given that a thought myself. (aloud) Allow me to fill your glass, sir. (re-fills Smith's glass)

Smith. Thank you, sir. (drinks) I think you did not say how many carriages would be required, did you, Mr. Dunnbrowne?

Dunn. No, I did not. I leave that matter entirely in your hands, Mr. Smith. I have no doubt that you understand what is required better than I do, so I could not think of interfering with any arrangements you can make.

Smith. Thank you, sir, you do me honor. I suppose you would like to have the church bell tolled on the morning of the——

Dunn. (stiffly) Church bell tolled! Decidedly not, sir. What under the sun should we have the bell tolled for?

Smith. It is very common in these cases, Mr. Dunnbrowne.

Dunn. (with determination) Well I don't want to hear it, and moreover I won't have it tolled.

Smith. I am sorry to cause you annoyance, Mr. Dunnbrowne, but I thought you would like to follow the custom in such cases.

Dunn. And tolling a bell at a ceremony of this sort is customary, is it? Well I never heard of it before. (aside) My belief is that I have given him more wine than is good for him.

Smith. (surprised) You surprise me, sir.

Dunn. (carelessly) As you have named the matter I don't mind having the whole peal of bells ringing together. Engage the ringers for me, will you, Mr. Smith, and tell them to ring as many tripple-bob-majors—or whatever they call them—as they like next Saturday.

Smith. (aside) The wine is getting into his head or he would never think of engaging the ringers to ring for a funeral. (aloud) I will engage the ringers if you wish, Mr. Dunnbrowne, but really I——

Dunn. Oh, I will pay all expenses, sir.

Smith. (aside) Argument is useless while he is under the influence of that wine. I had better bring my business to an end, and take my departure. (aloud) Will you kindly permit me to see your daughter?

Dunn. It would give me exceeding pleasure to do so, Mr. Smith, but she is not in at present.

Smith. Not in! (aside) Who ever heard of a corpse going out for a walk! The man is hopelessly intoxicated. It is a blessing that I have not been prevailed upon to take more of that wine, or I should have been as bad as he. (aloud) If you will allow me to see your daughter now, Mr Dunnbrowne, I shall not have to come here again to take the measurements.

Dunn. Take the what?

Smith. The measurements.

Dunn. The dressmaker will do that, sir.

Smith. (aside) That wine again. (aloud) Dressmakers do not usually take the measurements for a coffin, sir.

Dunn. Coffin! What are you talking about, sir? Coffin! (aside) The wine has made him more garrulous than I wished. (aloud) What should we want a coffin here for, eh?

Smith. (aside) He is drunk beyond doubt. (aloud) To put your daughter in, sir. It is absolutely necessary that you have one.

Dunn. (angrily) Have you come here to have a joke out of me, Mr. Smith, or to make arrangements for marrying my daughter?

Smith. Neither, Mr. Dunnbrowne. I came to make arrangements for burying her as requested in your note.

Dunn. (mystified) Burying my daughter! Requested in my note! What does this mean? Explain yourself, Mr. Smith.

Smith. (takes letter from his pocket and hands it to Dunn.) An explanation is needless. There is your letter asking me to come here and make arrangements for your daughter's interment.

Dunn. (examining letter) I never wrote this. There is a great mistake somewhere. (returns letter)

Smith. Then is your daughter not dead?

Dunn. No; she is enjoying splendid health, I am glad to say. But am I to understand that you are really an undertaker and that your name is Smith?

Smith. Certainly! Who and what did you think I was?