src="@public@vhost@g@gutenberg@html@files@42400@42400-h@images@i_024.png" alt="Man and wife in discussion" tag="{http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml}img"/>

Playing down to him.—Young couple (who expect the visit of a very miserly relative, from whom they have expectations) are clearing the room of every sign of luxury.

Wife (earnestly). "We must do all we can to make uncle feel at home."

Husband (caustically). "Then we had better let the fire out."

Fair Widow. "Yes, I've made up my mind that when I die I shall be cremated, as my husband was."

Gallant Captain. "Dear lady, please don't talk about such dreadful things. Consider how much better it would be, in your case, to—er—cross out the C!"

Visitor (to Friend lately left a Widower).—"Hullo, Tom! That looks a stiffish bill you've got there!"

Tom.. "Ah, how those rascals of undertakers do fleece you! They know you can hardly help yourself! Of course, in my poor wife's case I would cheerfully have paid double. But one hates to be done.—Um!"

A Wife's Vocation.—Husbandry.

A DECLARATION

"Louisa, you've stolen something."

"Go on!"

"You 'ave."

"You're a——! What 'ave I stole?"

"My 'eart!"

MARRIAGE MEMORIES

What the Father says.—Which side must I stand on when I give her away?

What the Mother says.—I am sure the ices will be late for the breakfast.

What the Sister says.—I flatter myself I am the best looking of the eight bridesmaids.

What the Brother says.—Of course, the best man is behind his time—just like him!

What the Pew-opener says.—This way, my dear young lady!

What the Beadle says.—They are sure to be in time, sir. I will motion to you the moment I see 'em a coming.

What the Clergyman says.—Have you got the ring?

What the Crowd says.—Hoorray! That's 'er! Oh, ain't 'e a guy!

What the Old Friend of the Family says.—I have known him too since he was so high. That was nigh upon forty years ago!

What the Funny Man says.—You can see from my face that I am just the man to be associated with the bridesmaids.

What the Best Man says.—Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking.

What the Bride says.—Good-bye, my own darling mamma and papa, and—Emmy dear, please do see the things are all right before we start.

What the Bridegroom says.—Thank goodness, it is all over.

"DECEIVERS EVER"

Goldsmith. "Would you like any name or motto engraved on it, sir?"

Customer (who had chosen an engagement ring).