FELINE PHILOSOPHY

BY THOMAS CAT

RENDERED INTO ENGLISH
BY
WALTER LÉON HESS

BOSTON
RICHARD G. BADGER
THE GORHAM PRESS

Copyright, 1919, by Walter Léon Hess

All Rights Reserved

Made in the United States of America

The Gorham Press, Boston, U. S. A.

FELINE PHILOSOPHY

BY THOMAS CAT

FELINE PHILOSOPHY

BY THOMAS CAT

FIRST CATERWAUL

The family have gone to the country,
Horton, his wife and four children.
They took the butler and maids, the dogs,
The canaries and parrot. Shutters
They put on the house and the keys
Are turned in the locks. The silver
Was put in the vault and everything
Valuable carefully stowed....
Little Jack
Looked well for me. But when he found me
Was told to put me outside; a cat has no
Place in a house that is closed for
The summer.
When they were sorely troubled
With rats and mice they coaxed me to
Come to live in the cellar. They fed
Me richly on cream and the choicest
Bits from their lavish table. They gave
Me a rug to sleep, and taught the children
To pet me. All took turns to feed me and
They saved the bones of each fish.
The
Mice and rats disappeared; the rug
Is filthy, in tatters. Old Horton curses
And kicks me and kicks me down stairs when he
Meets me; warns the baby to heed my
Claws and the older children that
Cats breed all sorts of diseases. Edith
Has young men to call and “cannot abide
The cat that is covered with ashes.”
Only Jack remembers—which reminds me
How well I was treated. I was young when
They found me and now have grown wise in
Their councils.
I have no food and no
Lodging.

SECOND CATERWAUL

It’s more than a week since I’ve eaten
And my bed is made in the gutter. Well-fed
And beggars go by and their boots are
All alike ready as soon as they spy me.
Jack Horton went by with his father and
Stooped to whisper his secret. Old Horton
Jerked his arm and urged that he’d miss
The train. So even railroad time
Seems relentless as the procession
Passes over and about me. Between buying
A new suit for his party
And his affection
Even young Jack had no choice.
Now I have to hunt
And I’ve eaten a sparrow for breakfast.
I ate with infinite relish
Though I never ate one before;
I was starved and the murder and crime
Were lost in my terrible necessity.
My depravity is beginning to wear....
I shall wander down to the river....
I have heard Jack’s father say:
When a man falls so low as that
He had better drown himself than—
I’ve forgotten the rest; I cannot think
In my present state of mind.

THIRD CATERWAUL

Arrived at the wharf there was not
Another soul in sight ... except at the very end
Where sat a most woebegone looking Tramp
Smoking what was once a cigar
Of price. Half smoked it had been thrust
In the gutter at the theater-entrance
By a careless and prosperous merchant.
The Tramp was very near to the edge looking out
Over the water as blankly as a blind man.
A man! Look at him ... and I a mere cat!
No doubt Old Horton was right.... One leap
Into the darkness and all gloomy thoughts,
All trouble, like the half-finished cigar
Would give place to beautiful dreams and
Never-ending.... At least it cannot be much
Worse.... No! Far better than the foul gutter
And the murderous cravings for the unattainable.
I shall burst my bonds and jump in.

FOURTH CATERWAUL

It gave a terrible fright when I struck
The water. Even in filth and mud I found it more
Pleasure to swim than to drown. How comfortable
The gutter now seemed but my strength was
Utterly useless.... My thoughts had been
Less overwhelming than the murky slime that
Would kill me ... and to sink, to be swallowed
By fishes that had been sweet food for my palate.
A boat came out of the darkness and a brown
Arm folded me up from the last gasp in the river.
It was going out to a yacht and the mate was the
Man who rescued: “What luck with our rats and mice
To find this bedraggled feline.... Maggie can give
It some milk and the Master won’t curse for the
Vermin....”
Perhaps I was born as an antidote!
Perhaps I have no choice what to do!
But whatever may be I shall at least do
What is expected, the best that I can—
How else can I expect anything?

FIFTH CATERWAUL

Did you ever see a palace in a desert?
Ralph Dimon was a good catch and Irene’s
Father was very rich. Low necked dress,
Dress clothes, lace, jewelry, curtains of
Fine brocade, mahogany panellings and
Nickel-mountings dimmed the lights of Brough’s
Yacht and were more plentiful than the drops
Of water that had nearly drowned me.
As I was lifted over the side I saw the
Two lovers lounging in the bow where there
Were no lights; while inside the electric
Lamps burned neglected. The wind blew a gale
And