Enters.

Cor. Because, my dear sir, I was otherwise engaged, and I felt assured that you would indulge me to that extent and postpone your desires to my especial accommodation. Thank you! [With a wave of the hand.]

Dol. Oh! and how in thunder were you engaged?

Cor. [Loftily.] I was paring my finger nails.

Dol. Oh! Oh! [Falls in chair at desk.] This is too much. To return travel-wearied and hungry, and be made to wait by such a jackass. And I must be at court at ten, and [pulls out watch] it’s nine now. [Starts up in a rage.] I’ll not stand it, sir! I’ll throw you out of the window!

Cor. [R. C.] Indeed! Then I should be at a loss to wonder what could be the matter with the door. Stay your temper, sir! It is decidedly unbecoming a man of your years. Preserve a calm dignity such as I furnish a striking example of.

Dol. [Disgusted.] There, sir! [Hands him letter.] This is the gratitude I receive for what I have done for you. Read it, and I hope you will have as much joy of it as I have in getting rid of you.

Cor. Thank you! Thanks! You have performed your duty well. Some day I will return the kindness; I shall engage you as my lawyer.

Dol. Get out, or I shall be tempted to do you an injury. Get your things ready to leave to-night, sir! I’ll not put up with your nonsense and impudence another day. Now go, sir! and order a lunch for me at the restaurant, to be sent here—and mind you see that I am not disturbed until court time. I’ve got more than I can do to prepare my cases for this morning’s court. I may forget the flight of time, in which case you will please come in and remind me of court time.

Cor. Your wishes shall be obeyed. I fly to execute your orders. [Exit D. R. 4 E.]

Dol. [At desk L. 3 E.] George Washington, you’re a fool—your magnanimous nature has suffered you to be imposed upon—you’re a—[Coriolanus puts his head in D. R. 4 E.]

Cor. I beg your pardon, sir! [He Enters.] In the excitement of the moment I neglected to inform you that a lady called to see you. I informed her that you were out of town. She was much distressed at the information. She waited for you until eight o’clock, when she left in a state of great mental excitement. She’s been waiting since six o’clock this morning, waiting your arrival.

Dol. If she comes back don’t let her in. Tell her to come to-morrow morning. I cannot attend to any more business before court. [He busies himself among papers.]

Cor. [Bows.] I fly! [Exit D. R. 4 E.]

Dol. Egad! Some people must think lawyers are made of iron and work like machines! No! I’ll listen to no more cases before court. I’ve only got one head and one pair of arms. [Coriolanus puts his head in D. R. 4 E. To Coriolanus.] Well, sir! What now?

Cor. [Enters.] She’s come back! I delivered your message. She wrung her hands and said she came eighteen miles to see you, and she must return at noon.

Dol. I can’t help it! She must come another time. I positively decline to see any one before court.

Cor. I quicken! [Exit D. R. 4 E.]

Dol. Some one without money to try to enlist my sympathies in helping some scalawag out of trouble. Not long ago I defended a tramp whom I thought unjustly used. I helped him out of the scrape and gave him a bowl of soup and some alms to help him on—and how did the rascal serve me? He published it about the town, and for two weeks I had every tramp from fifty miles around at my door begging for soup and alms. You don’t get George Washington Dollerclutch in such a scrape again. [Sees newspaper.] Hello! what’s this? [Picks up paper and adjusts spectacles. Reads.] “On the Brink of a Civil War.” Lord bless us! [Adjusts his glasses.] “Slavery and Anti-Slavery.” “The Inauguration of Lincoln.” Ah! That’s my man—Old honest Abe! He’ll show those rascally slave masters a thing or two before he’s done with them. [Reads.] “Firing on Fort Sumter.” “Major Ander—”[Drops paper.] Hang it all! I can’t get that girl out of my mind. What the dickens did she want to say that for, anyhow? [Sighs.] Well! Well! [Picks up paper and reads.] “Major Anderson with seventy men, after a brave resistance of three hours against five thousand Secessionists, was finally obliged to surrender.” Eighteen miles to see me? It must be an important case. [Rises to his feet.] Confound it anyhow! Why did I let it slip? [Calls.] Coriolanus!

Enter Coriolanus, D. R. 4 E.

Cor. You have called! I have obeyed your summons.

Dol. Hold your tongue! Just go at once, and run after that girl and bring her back.

Cor. [Bows.] I quicken! [Exit D. R. 4 E.]

Dol. Why the dickens does she want to come here and upset my peace of mind?

Enter Coriolanus, D. R. 4 E. He goes to R. C. Dollerclutch C.

Cor. In compliance with your desire, I have brought her back and left her on the door-step.

Dol. You thundering blockhead! Why didn’t you bring her up here? Why the devil did you send her away in the first place? Here I’m losing all this valuable time. Usher her up at once.

Cor. I quicken! [Exit Coriolanus, D. R. 4 E. Dollerclutch busies himself among his papers.]

Dol. Perhaps she’s a fine rich lady, and I’ll have a fat case. If not, I’ll have nothing to do with her. I’ll hustle her off in short order. I’ll crush her with a look.

Enter Coriolanus, D. R. 4 E., bowing in Hilda.

Dol. [Aside, looking at Hilda.] H’m! No money in her case. I’ll have nothing to do with it!

Cor. [At D. R. 4 E.] My mission I’ve fulfilled; your pleasure I await.

Dol. [To Coriolanus.] Get out! Didn’t I tell you not to let me be disturbed before court?

Cor. I’ll make an honorable retreat. [Exit D. R. 4 E.]

Hil. [C.] I beg your pardon, sir! Are you not Mr. Dollerclutch, the lawyer?

Dol. Now, ain’t you ashamed of yourself hanging around a gentleman’s door and carrying on in such an outlandish manner, when I’m so busy, eh?

Hil. I am very sorry, sir, but—but—

Dol. But what?

Hil. Oh, sir! I—I—

Dol. It’s no use! It’ll cost you two hundred dollars to look at me. Take my advice and go home and leave law alone. I dismiss the case. I’ll not charge you a cent for that advice. Don’t you say another word—good day! [Waves his hand. He busies himself among his papers. Hilda wrings her hands. After a pause.] Well, why don’t you say something? What’s your name?

Hil. Hilda Wallace, sir!

Dol. Humph! Trying to raise a subscription for an able-bodied invalid, I suppose?

Hil. Oh, no, sir! I come to see if you could not help a poor girl out of a sad trouble.

Dol. [Aside.] I thought so! Trying to work the sympathetic dodge.