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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, April 27, 1895
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, April 27, 1895
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Volume 108, April 27, 1895
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
CLASSIC QUOTATIONS ILLUSTRATED.
(For the Use of Schools.)
Example I.—"Amari a-liquid."
THE LATEST CRAZE.
(A Dramatic Study of Cause and Effect.)
Scene—Interior of a Private Box at a Popular Theatre.
Enter Angelina and her people.
Paterfamilias. Well, now that we are here, I hope you are satisfied. As for myself, I hate these problem plays.
Materfamilias. They are entirely the vogue just now, and we must see them. What everybody does we must do.
Angelina. So I told Edwin—I should say, Mr. Domum—when he complained of our going.
Mater. Of course. We have to follow the fashion.
Pater. Hush! You must not talk any more, see the curtain has risen.
(Five minutes pass.)
First Heroine (on the stage). And so, my dear, my marriage was an utter failure. The monotony of the life was terrible. My husband anticipated my every wish. The tameness was too awful for words, and so I left him.
[Loud applause.
Mater. (to her husband). Ah, I never left you, Richard!
Pater. (to his wife). Nor I you, Bridget!
Angelina (aside). I suppose married life must be very wearisome.
(Ten minutes pass.)
Second Heroine (on the stage). And now I will tell you the secret of my life. I never loved my husband. He gave me all I required—fine clothes, sparkling jewels, an opera box. But his presents were insults in disguise, and I left him.
[Loud applause.
Pater. I did not insult you by handing you too many gifts, Bridget?
Mater. Indeed you did not, Richard. In fact, I think you carried your abstention too far.
Pater. Not at all. See, after these many years, we are devoted to one another!
Angelina (aside). Failure of Marriage Number Two! Weddings seem to be mistake!
(Two hours pass.)
Third Heroine. I tell you, my Lord Bishop, that I have never regretted leaving you. Twenty years ago you were a young curate, and you spoilt our married life by your indulgence. You let me have everything I wanted. No, my Lord, I will hear no more.
Angelina (aside). Another matrimonial failure! I really must have a good think over it.
Pater. (to Mater.). Well, I hope you are satisfied!
Mater. (to Pater.). Awfully depressing, but I don't see what harm it can do to anyone.
(An hour passes.)
Angelina (writing in her own room). "Dear Edwin, I call you by your christian name, for the last time. I can never be yours. I am convinced from all I have heard that marriage is a failure. Sincerely yours, Angelina."
[Scene closes in upon a flood of tears.
HEXAMETERS TO DATE; AND A PREHISTORIC PEEP.
[Mr. Flinders Petrie has just excavated the city of Ombi on the Nile, and vindicated Juvenal's geographical reputation.]
Ecce novi'st aliquid (per Flinders Petrie Magistrum)
Ex Africâ semper! Quite like some arch-humourist rum,
Playing with tombs and skulls, he unearths fresh funny surprises,
Scandals of Athor's "past," or long-veiled secrets of Isis.
Now this gravedigger-Yorick, this Egypt's new Abercromby,
Scores yet another conquest—he's found out Juvenal's Ombi,
Found out the next-door neighbours of Nile-washed Tentyra (you will
See in the Fifteenth Satire their truceless, truculent duel).
Thus they lived some ages B.C. (in the thirtieth cent'ry),
Cannibals, six feet high, and long-legged Libyan gentry,
Buried à la trussed fowl, with heads on which wavy brown hair rose;
These were the folk who once made things pretty hot for the Pharaohs.
Dig then, Petrie, away 'mid potsherds, mummies, and cinders,
Delve on, and add fresh towns to the underground kingdom of Flinders!
The Baron de Book-Worms.OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
Hearty congratulations from the Baron and his assistants to Mr. H. W. Lucy on his delightful life of Mr. Gladstone (W. H. Allen & Co). No one certainly has had better opportunities than Toby, M.P., for studying the great statesman in all his varying moods; and it may be affirmed with equal certainty that no other man (or dog) could have used his opportunities to greater advantage for the benefit of the public. There are in this little volume a tone of easy yet scholarly courtesy, a fine literary touch, and a marvellous power of condensing details into one vividly descriptive sentence. It is an admirable piece of work, which, seeing that it only costs a shilling, ought to be sure of a popularity fully equal to its high merits.
Change of Descriptive Title.—In the Egyptian explorations, the results of which, so far, have been recently given in Professor Petrie's lecture, reported in the Times of Thursday, April 18, the lecturer tells us how he was accompanied in his researches by Mr. Grenfell, "The Craven Fellow." How doubly plucky of Professor Petrie to proceed with such a companion so extraordinarily timorous as is expressed in such a sobriquet as "The Craven Fellow." However, he belied his name by showing such pluck and perseverance in rendering assistance to the Professor as will entitle him to explain himself as "Late the Craven Fellow," but now "the C. F., or Courageous Fellow."
THE JAP IN THE CHINA SHOP.
Master of the Situation (loq.). "Now then, you pig-headed old Pigtail, open your Shop—and hand me the Keys!"