to be the loudest vies;
They contradict, affirm, dispute,
No single tongue one moment mute;
All mad to speak and none to hearken,
They set the very lap-dog barking."

We were disputing, ladies, as to whether these lines were Swift's or another's. Can you settle the point?

Miss Notable (snappishly). Oh, ask a policeman—or a New Woman!!!

OUR OWN TORRIST IN NORTH DEVON.

On Torrs Walks, Ilfracombe.—"Here they come by twos and twos, In twos on Torrs they swarm." Quotation adapted. "Two" form a Company Limited on Torrs Walks. The third person present is "out of it." They tell me these couples are all honeymooners. Perhaps; but if they are not, they ought to be. That's all.

* * *

Maybe these duologues are only private rehearsals. Practice makes perfect. I have no special information on this mysterious subject.

* * *

On the above-mentioned Honeymooners—

* * *

A descriptive writer says, "In the Torrs Walks are to be found the most bracing spots in all Ilfracombe." From what I have accidentally observed, I should correct the above sentence thus:—"In the Torrs Walks are to be found some of the most em-bracing spots in all Ilfracombe."

* * *

Rara Avis in Torr-is.—Seldom are birds seen flying about, and still fewer hopping about, the Torrs. My jocose friend Willy Wagstaff says "Birds only go 'hopping' in Kent." Good-bye to W. W. Somehow, as a rule, the birds do not affect the Torrs. I fancy the twopence for entry is a prohibition. Once I saw a lonely bird on the penny path; but that was a pigeon.

* * *

I have seen a whole flock of rooks cawing querulously—"quirring" would be a better descriptive participle—on and about the lower part of the precipitous, rocky Torrs; but never have I seen them perching on the highest point of the Torrs, which is as inaccessible to these birds at twopence as would be the aforesaid lower portion to the unwinged pedestrian even at a halfpenny; unless pedestrian should arrive at rookery by accidentally tumbling over from above, in which case it is much to be feared he would probably be "left till called for."

* * *

One of the most interesting sights on the Torrs is the occasional appearance of a kindly gentleman, carrying a snow-white cockatoo, with a magnificent yellow crest, perfectly tame, and perched on his owner's wrist, just as the parrot used to perch on the wrist of our old friend Robinson Crusoe.

* * *

The parrot, unchained, is a genuine "Bird of Freedom"; but he never misuses his liberty, nor abuses his privilege of speech, but, from time to time, he erects or lowers his crest, and expresses his approbation of things in general, or his disapprobation of anything in particular. A great companion this Polly.

* * *

Recent Solar Discovery.—I picked it up on Torrs Walks. The sun was setting magnificently. Near me there stood, observing the effect, a young lady and a very old one. Quoth the former, "It is a grand sun, isn't it?" And the other replied, "It is a grand-sun, indeed." Being evidently a grandmamma, she ought to know.

* * *

Not knowing anything about the political bias of the majority at Ilfracombe, I should say the voters must be chiefly Torr-ies.

* * *

Of the steamers plying between Ilfracombe, Swansea, Bristol, and other neighbouring places, it cannot honestly be said that "they are no great shakes." If the Master of the Rolls possesses any nautical authority, it might be advantageously exercised in regard to some of these steamers.

* * *

The rule for debarcation and embarcation (on the Swansea, Ilfracombe, &c., steamers) appears to be, "Insure the least amount of convenience to the greatest number possible." The inconvenience might be modified (to put it gently) were the following suggestions acted upon:—

1st. From Ilfracombe pier there should be four sets of stairs (or more) instead of two.

2nd. Make an upper and a lower deck to pier; the latter for shelter during rain and storm. Your hardy sea-dogs seem to be perfectly unaware of the existence of water descending from the clouds. With them the rain is "in nubibus."

3rd. There should be two steamers to any one place, one departing just a quarter of an hour before the other's arrival. Call them "Box" and "Cox"—as they both occupy the same harbour. Thus the pier would never be inconveniently, or dangerously, crowded by an outgoing and an incoming crowd at the same moment.

4th. Bigger steamers.

5th. Greatly improved catering, on board, absolutely necessary. More hands to wait at table.

6th. Other improvements essential, but not necessary to mention here in detail.

* * *

On board an excursion steamer I would retain the musicians, especially the cornet; so many persons "come out for a blow" that the absence of this member of the orchestra would be seriously felt.

* * *

On board our steamer "The Brighton," to Tenby and back.—I think we must have had "the Something-ean minstrels," whose performance was so graphically described by Dickens in Pickwick as enlivening Mrs. Leo Hunter's garden party, when "three of them grunted and the fourth howled"; only that, on this occasion, there were about eight or ten of these minstrel boys from Cardiff, who, having left their Welsh harps behind them, sat in the centre of the upper deck, inflicting their delightful melodies on such of the passengers as were unable to get out of earshot without either going below, where it was "stuffy," or into the fore part of the vessel. When these Cambrian Choristers were not singing they indulged in a little rough and ready play with each others caps, a humorous proceeding that seemed to afford them almost as much pleasure as did the sound of their own voices, for the applause with which they greeted every specimen of their skill in vocalisation was touchingly unanimous. In this demonstration of mutual approbation I did not notice any passengers taking part.

* * *

Now suppose a party of amateur and comic musicians, a party of amateur choristers, and a Salvationist chorus all on board at the same time, and suppose that all these different parties had commenced simultaneously, each party giving its special form of entertainment, would life be worth living on board that steamer? Surely the captain, or the company, could put up a notice that only the paid professional musicians would be allowed to play and sing on board, and so stop this Excursionist Babel.

* * *

Advice to passengers by steamboat proposing to land at Lundy Island—Don't. Lundy is a most interesting island, though it doesn't look it. Further Advice.—Stay on board and read all about Lundy Island in your Murray's guide, and, probably, you will then have acquired far more knowledge of the place than is ever obtained by the majority who are permitted and even encouraged to crowd the rowing boats plying between the