Cold Weather.—"A Wrap o' the Knuckles" (suggested by A Chili Widow).

FROM ERIN.

Restaurant Waiter. "Bill, Sorr? Yes, Sorr. It's Foive-and-Six-pence including the Cigyar, and that makes Six Shillings Sorr!"

JOSEPH'S DREAM.

(A New Song to an Old Setting.)

[Mr. Chamberlain has apparently satisfied himself that Imperial Federation is not a mere dream, as many among us and in the Colonies still regard it. Such dreams, he remarked, have a way of being realised. "It is a dream that appeals to the highest sentiments of patriotism, and even of our material interests. It is a dream calculated to stimulate and improve every one who cares for the future of the Anglo-Saxon race."—Leeds Mercury.]

Air—"Let me Dream Again." New Colonial Minister carolleth:—

Golf is becoming quite the rage in the United States. A game which has been described as "hitting a ball in the morning and spending the afternoon in search of it" might have been thought too slow for Cousin Jonathan. Not a bit of it. The lynx-eyed American eagle has developed a keen eye for the links, and the best green is said to be in the neighbourhood of Bunker's Hill.

Gross Ingratitude towards Two Old Public Favourites.—At Portsmouth municipal elections Messrs. Cox and Box were at the bottom of the poll in their respective wards.

THE IMPERIAL FEDERALIST'S VADE MECUM.

Question. Is not the idea of the Federation of the British Empire merely a dream?

Answer. Scarcely, since the matter has attracted the attention of Mr. Chamberlain, who is hardly a visionary.

Q. Has public opinion anent the question seen any change of late?

A. Distinctly. The idea is at this moment popular. Ten years ago, what may now be called a dream was regarded as a nightmare.

Q. What is the chief difficulty in the way of Imperial Federation?

A. The varieties of race. A Canadian is scarcely an Australian, and there is little in common between a Hindoo and a native of the Cape.

Q. But cannot much be done in the direction of merging the cosmopolitan elements of the British Empire into one huge family by establishing under the shadow of the Union Jack the penny post?

A. Such is the opinion of Mr. Henniker-Heaton, M.P.

Q. And could not free trade for the colonies, as distinguished from protection applied to foreign countries, be successfully employed?

A. Such is the opinion of several Members of the Government.

Q. Has any other plan occurred to the patriotic statesman?

A. Yes; it has been believed that a general tax for the National Defence would be a bond of union between the colonies and the mother country.

Q. Does there not already exist a stronger tie than taxation?

A. Certainly. The Empire has a common friend, adviser, amuser, and instructor, beloved of all the world.

Q. Does, then, the profound respect felt for this popular personage keep the Empire in accord?

A. Unquestionably. The popular personage represents not only Britons at home, but Britons beyond the sea.

Q. And where is this popular personage found?

A. In every part of the colonies, in India, in China, in fact, everywhere.

Q. But has not this popular personage headquarters in London?

A. He has, at 85, Fleet Street.

Wanted Immediately.—A key for the dead-lock in the shipbuilding trade.