قراءة كتاب John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Volume 3 (of 3) From the Collection of "Mr. Punch"
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John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Volume 3 (of 3) From the Collection of "Mr. Punch"
c2">SELF-IMPORTANCE.
Small Cousin. "DO YOU KNOW, ALICE, IT JUST OCCURS TO ME THAT THE GUARD THINKS WE ARE A RUNAWAY COUPLE!"
IN SEARCH OF A VICTIM.
Alfred. "OH, IF YOU PLEASE, UNCLE, WE WANT TO PLAY AT BEING WILLIAM TELL; WILL YOU BE SO KIND AS TO STAND WITH THE APPLE ON YOUR HEAD?"
A DIFFERENCE IN OPINION.
Boy. "Isn't it very naughty of papa to tell stories?"
Mamma. "Well, dear, it would be—but what do you mean?"
Boy. "Why, papa says, that toffee is nasty trash—and it's so very delicious, you know!"
SEVERE.
Old Lady. "Ah thin, bad luck to ye, Grigory! Where's your manners? One would think ye was in a gintleman's house, standin' before the fire with yer coat-tails up, and ladies present, too!"
LATE FROM THE SCHOOL-ROOM.
Minnie. "I am reading such a pretty tale."
Governess. "You must say narrative, Minnie—not tale!"
Minnie. "Yes, ma'am; and do just look at Muff, how he's wagging his narrative!"
POSITIVE FACT, OF COURSE.
A MESSAGE COMES OFF ON MRS. BLUEBAG'S LINEN, WHICH SHE IS HANGING, AS USUAL, ON THE TELEGRAPH WIRES.
A DELICATE HINT.
Sentimental Young Lady (to Friend). "OH, ISN'T IT A PRETTY SIGHT TO SEE THE POOR HORSE DRINK!"
Driver (confidentially and insinuatingly). "SURE, THIN, IT WOULD BE A DALE PRETTIER SIGHT, MISS, TO SEE ME DRINK!"
THE DRAWING ROOM.
(A stoppage of a few minutes is supposed to take place.)
Dreadful Boy (on Lamp Post). "Oh! My eye, Bill! 'ere's a rose-bud!"
A CAUTION TO THE UNWARY.
THE READER IS REQUESTED TO OBSERVE, THAT THE LOWER EXTREMITIES REPRESENTED ABOVE DO NOT BELONG TO THE FAIR DAMSEL ON THE PLANK, BUT TO THE BOATMAN BEYOND, UPON WHOSE SHOULDER SHE IS LEANING.—WE, HOWEVER, RECOMMEND FLORA TO BE MORE CAREFUL HOW SHE COMPOSES HERSELF THE NEXT TIME SHE GETS OUT OF A BOAT.
THE DIGNITY OF AGE.
"SO, CHARLEY, I HEAR YOU HAVE BEEN TO A JUVENILE PARTY!"
Precocious Boy. "WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU CALL JUVENILE. THERE WAS NO ONE THERE UNDER FIVE YEARS OLD!"
AN INJURED BROTHER.
Mamma. "DEAR! DEAR! DEAR!—WHAT A PITY IT IS YOU CAN'T AGREE!"
Small Boy. "WELL, MAMMA, WE SHOULD AGREE, ONLY SHE'S SO UNKIND!—SHE WON'T BE A PIG, AND LET ME DRIVE HER ABOUT BY THE LEG!"
THOSE HORRID BOYS AGAIN!
Boy (to distinguished Volunteer.) "NOW, CAPTING! CLEAN YER BOOTS, AND LET YER 'AVE A SHOT AT ME FOR A PENNY!"
GOING OUT OF TOWN.
Paterfamilias. "I WAS THINKING, DARLING, THAT PERHAPS, AS IT IS A VERY LONG JOURNEY, IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I WENT FIRST, AND GOT EVERYTHING COMFORTABLE. YOU COULD THEN TRAVEL DOWN WITH NURSE AND THE CHILDREN AFTERWARDS."
COMPLIMENTARY TO PATERFAMILIAS.
Sister Amy. "MY DEAR ROSE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?—MAMMA WILL BE VERY ANGRY!"
Rose. "WHY, WALTER WANTS TO BE LIKE PAPA, SO, I'M JUST THINNING HIS HAIR AT THE TOP!"
YES, ON SOME PEOPLE.
THE DEAR LITTLE SPANISH HAT. OH, SO CHARMING, AND SO MUCH MORE SENSIBLE THAN A HORRID BONNET
UNMINDFUL OF DIGNITARIES.
Officious Proctor. "SIR!!—PRAY, ARE YOU A MEMBER OF THIS UNIVERSITY?"
Military Swell. "NO, I'M NOT, OLD FELLOW.—ARE YOU?"
AN UNEXPECTED "CHANGE."
Railway Clerk. "HAVE YOU GOT TWOPENCE, SIR?"
Swell. "DEAW, NO! NEVAW HAD TWOPENCE IN MY LIFE!"
Clerk. "THEN I MUST GIVE YOU TENPENCE IN COPPER, SIR!"
