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قراءة كتاب John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Volume 3 (of 3) From the Collection of "Mr. Punch"
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John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Volume 3 (of 3) From the Collection of "Mr. Punch"
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A GORDIAN KNOT FOR ROBINSON.
Miss Selina Hardman. "WOULD YOU BE SO GOOD, SIR, AS TO GIVE ME A LEAD OVER?"
A FACT.
Jeames. "IF YOU PLEASE, MA'AM, HERE IS MASTER CARLO! BUT I CAN'T SEE MISS FLOSS NOWHERES!"
WIND, S.W. FRESH.
TOMKINS, WHO IS NOT GRAND IN THE LEG DEPARTMENT, SAYS, "IT'S A VERY DISAGREEABLE DAY." THE YOUNG LADIES, HOWEVER, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, ENJOY IT AMAZINGLY.
OUR VOLUNTEERS.
Foreign Party. "MAIS, MOSIEU BOOL, I AVE ALL WAYS THOUGHT YOU VASS GREAT SHOPKEEPARE!"
Mr Bool. "SO I AM, MOSSOO—AND THESE ARE SOME OF THE BOYS WHO MIND THE SHOP!—COMPRENNY?"
A COMFORTER.
Sympathetic Swell (devoted to the Noble Science). "GOT A WRETCHED COLD! NO, WEALLY? THAT'S A BAD JOB, OLD FELLA,—MIGHT HA' BEEN WORSE, THOUGH—HORSE MIGHT HAVE HAD IT, YOU KNOW!"
TRAVELLERS' LUGGAGE.
Elderly Passenger. "GOING OUT FISHING, I PRESUME, YOUNG GENTLEMAN?"
Young Ditto. "NO! IT AIN'T FISHING-RODS—IT'S SKY ROCKETS I'M TAKING DOWN FOR MY COUSIN'S BIRTHDAY. Have A weed?"
POLITICAL PROSPECTS.
Ragged Capitalist to Ditto. "THE WAR CAN'T LAST, SIR; FRANCE AND AUSTRIA THE MEANS; THEY MUST COME TO US FOR MONEY BEFORE LONG."
WHAT'S TO BE DONE IN JULY?
WHAT'S TO BE DONE IN JULY? WHY, RIDE DOWN TO RICHMOND WITH MAMMA AND THE GIRLS, AND GIVE 'EM A LITTLE DINNER, TO BE SURE!
MOST OFFENSIVE.
Railway Porter. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, WAS THIS YOUR'N?"
FRIENDLY PRESCRIPTION.
Fiend in Human Shape. "DON'T FEEL WELL! TRY A CIGAR!"
THE ABUSE OF THE ASPIRATE.
CAPTAIN DE SMITH REMONSTRATES WITH MR. HOLMES, THE VET OF HIS REGIMENT, FOR MAL-PRONUNCIATION OF THE WORD HORSE. TO HIM THE VET: "WELL, IF A HAITCH, AND A HO, AND A HAR, AND A HESS, AND A HE, DON'T SPELL 'ORSE, MY NAME AIN'T 'ENERY 'OMES!"
"A CONSUMMATION DEVOUTLY TO BE WISHED."
Mrs. Colley Wobble. "H'M, SO THEY ARE GOING TO TAX PEOPLE WHO MAKE THEIR OWN BEER, ARE THEY? THEN I DON'T BREW ANY MORE!"
POLITE ATTENTION.
Lady. "OH, NONSENSE, CHILD—THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE!"
Boy. "NO, 'M. PLEASE, 'M, TWO YOUNG GENTS SAID IT LOOKED LIKE RAIN, AND I WAS TO FETCH YOU HOME IN THIS 'ERE CHEER!"
AWKWARD FOR PAPA.
Papa. "WELL, MY DEAR, DID YOU TELL MAMMA THAT MISS MYRTLE WAS WAITING TO SEE HER?"
Child. "YES, PA!"
Papa. "AND WHAT DID SHE SAY?"
Child. "SHE SAID, WHAT A BOTHER!"
SUMMER VISITORS.
THE DISTRICT TELEGRAPH.
INVALUABLE TO THE MAN OF BUSINESS.
First Partner (to Second ditto). "WHAT AN AGE WE LIVE IN! TALK OF THE INTRODUCTION OF STEAM OR OF GAS! JUST LOOK AT THE FACILITIES AFFORDED US BY ELECTRICITY. IT IS NOW SIX O'CLOCK AND WE ARE IN FLEET STREET, AND THIS MESSAGE WAS ONLY SENT FROM OXFORD STREET YESTERDAY AFTERNOON AT THREE!"
RELAXATION.
Scene—Smoking Room. Country House. 2·30 A.M.
Country Friend (to Johnson, who has had a long tramp of it in the rain after wild birds). "WELL, GOOD NIGHT, OLD FELLOW! IF YOU WON'T HAVE ANOTHER WEED. REMEMBER!—CUB-HUNTING IN THE MORNING, HALF-PAST FIVE. DON'T BE LATE!"
OLD SCHOOL.
Mr. Grapes (helping himself to another glass of that fine old Madeira). "HAH! WE LIVE IN STRANGE TIMES—WHAT THE DOOCE CAN PEOPLE WANT WITH DRINKING FOUNTAINS!"