an' when aw tell'd him what aw wanted he grooaned like a sick caah, an' puttin' his hand onto his wayscoit he shuk his heead an' stared at me as if aw wor a bum bailey come for th' rent.

"Payris!" he sed, after waitin' for a minit or two, "Payris! what have aw to do wi Payris? A'a! lad, if tha nobbut knew what aw suffer! It's weel to be like thee at nivver ails owt, but if tha'd sich a miserable carryin' on as aw have tha'd have summat else to think on! Awm bilious tha knows, an' aw wor born soa, an' awm feeard awst nivver be better. What wi ta have to sup? Awve some ov as grand four-penny as tha ivver tasted. Mother, just draw a pint for Sammy, he'll do wi' it after trailin' up here, an' yo can draw me a pint too for that matter for it cannot mak' me ony war nor aw am."

"Aw think sometimes'at tha'd be better if tha did'nt sup quite as much as tha does Billy," sed his mother.

He nivver answered her, but after hauf emptyin' th' pint he sed, "Payris! whativver's put Payris into thi heead? Why, they're all feightin' aw reckon i' that quarter arn't they? Aw remember some chaps tawkin' abaat it ith' kitchen one Sundy'at neet."

"Feightin'! net they marry! That's aboon hauf a duzzen year sin."

"It is a bit sin aw believe, but aw nivver heeard at they'd dropt it, but if its all ovver what does ta want to goa for? does ta think they're baan to fuffen agean?"

"Billy, tha caars up here wol tha knows nowt abaat what's gooin on ith' world."

"A chap at's troubled wi bile has plenty to do withaat botherin' wi th' world—but aw mud happen ha gooan if they'd been gooin to have another set too. Payris! whativver is ther to goa to Payris for when they've done fuffenin?"

"If ther'd been onny feightin' aw should'nt ha wanted to goa, tha can be sewer o' that, but ther's th' exhibition, an' they say ther wor nivver owt as grand befoor an' its th' grandest city ith' world, an' its full o' moniments an' fine buildins, an' ivverything ats worth lukkin' at."

"Why, what does ta want wi fine buildins,—are ta thinkin' abaat flittin? Aw should think at yond haase tha's lived in soa long wod fit thee thy bit o' time aght, an' then varry likely, if tha leaves yor Mally owt tha'll get a moniment o' thi own, an' as for th' exhibition;—aw generally try to goa to Keighley Cattle show once ith' year, though aw've missed for three or four year aw believe, but that's gooid enuff for me. Payris! nay, awst goa nooan to Payris if ther's noa fuffenin."

"Well, tha mun be like to suit thisen,—aw nobbut thowt tha'd happen like to get shut o' that bile at troubles thi soa, an' they say at ther's monny a scoor goa for nowt else."

"Nah tha begins to tawk sense. If aw thowt gooin to Payris ud cure me an' mak' me like other fowk awd goa befoor aw went to bed! What sooart ov a place is it for gettin summat to sup?"

"Th' best ith' world an' th' cheapest, an if tha'll goa aw believe tha'll be a man new made ovver agean, an' they say ther's th' bonniest women thear at's to be fun onny whear, an' who knows but what tha mud leet o' one."

"Bonny wimmen, says ta? Aw care nowt abaat em bein bonny, have they onny brass? That's what's wanted isnt it mother?"

"Aw think tha's brass enough, an' if settin' off for a day or two'll mak' thi better, if aw wor thee awd goa."

"Well, fill theas two pints agean an' awl think abaat it."

"Awst ha noa moor ale this fornooin," aw sed, "an' if tha thinks o' gooin' tha'll ha to mak up thi mind sharp for aw mun be off hooam."

"Tha'rt allus in a hurry when tha comes here, but ha mich will it cost?"

"Ten paand'll see thi throo it nicely aw think."

"Tha thinks does ta? But aw mun be sewer afoor aw start! Awm nooan gooin to slave my sow! aght for th' best pairt ov a lifetime o' purpose to tak it to keep a lot o' lazzy french fowk! But when does ta think o' gooin?"

"Next Wedensdy mornin—tha's lots o' time to get ready.".

"Well, awl goa if it settles me. But can ta tawk French?"

"Nay, but aw've getten a book an awm leearin a word or two."

"Does ta know th' French for a pint o' ale?"

"Nay but aw can sooin leearn it."

"Well, be sewer tha does,—or tha'd happen better mak it a quairt wol thar't abaat it for ther'll be two on us to it."

"Awl mak' that all reight. Soa awl expect thi to meet me at Bradforth station bi nine o'clock."

"Awst be thear. Then tha will'nt have another pint?"

"Noa moor aw mun be off nah—Gooid day!"

"Gooid day! nah dooant forget to leeam th' French for a quairt an' we can manage for owt else."

Aw wor glad to get away for fear he should change his mind, an' aw knew awd some bits ov arrangements to mak' o' mi own, an' th' leeast on em wornt makkin it all reight wi Mally.

When aw gate hooam an' tell'd her at aw wor thinkin' o' gooin, shoo set too an' blagarded me as nubdy else has a reight to do, an' shoo finished up wi sayin', "An' soa tha'rt gooin to Payris are ta?"

"Aw am," aw sed, "an' its a pity tha cannot goa wi' me, but tha knows as well as me'at a haase left to itsen gooas to rack an' ruination. Tha knows what trouble it is for me to goa away an' leave thee at hooam."

"Sammywell, if tha tawks as tha does aw shall begin to think'at tha's forgettin ha to spaik trewth. Aw dunnot know what awve done, nor what tha'rt short on at hooam, nor what it is tha meets wi when tha'rt away, but for this last two-o'-three year if tha's stopt at hooam for a day or two tha's been war nor a worm on a whut backstun an' tha nivver seems happy unless tha'rt galivantin abaat; but its noa use me wastin' mi' wind tawkin' to thi, for tha's made up thi mind to goa thi own gate an' it'll be varry weel if it doesnt land thi somewhear at last whear tha'll find a deal moor brimstun nor tha will traitle, mark that. If aw could see ony gooid tha gate aght on it, it mud be different, but ther's noa improvement in thi. Tha wor nivver nowt to luk at an' varry little to feel at, an' tha seems to pride thisen i' thi awkardness. Tha seems to forget at tha'rt a gron-father; but tha can goa awther to Payris or to Payredise for owt aw care, but aw believe tha'll just come back th' same as tha went, or else war."

"Well, but if aw goa to Payris awst happen come back french-polished an' then tha'll hardly know me.

"Aw pity them at'll have th' french-polishin o' thee, for they'll ha ther wark set! All th' bees wax an' turpitine ith' country ud be wasted o' thee. But awl tell thi what aw think, Sammywell, an' aw've been considerin it for th' last forty year—"

"Spaik aght lass, an' let's know th' warst."

"Ther's nowt nawther nice nor new in it, aw weant say whether tha wor born soa or tha's made thisen soa, but th' conclusion awve come to is'at tha'rt a fooil."

"Well, tha mud be farther off th' mark nor that, an' tha's tell'd me th' same tale soa oft wol tha's ommost made me believe it misenj; but what says ta, will ta goa wi me?"

"Sammywell! aw've been wed to thi all theas years an' aw should ha thowt, simpleton as tha art, at tha'd ha geen me credit for moor sense. What have aw to goa to Payris for? Who's to wesh theas clooas aw should like to know if aw goa scaarin a country same as thee? Ther's awr Hepsaba wi yond youngest child hardly a twelvemonth old, an' awm expectin to be sent for ivvery day an' neet, but tha wod'nt care if shoo'd to goa abaat wi a child i' awther arm an' a couple teed to her back, tha'd goa to Payris an' leeav em to muck amang it; but awm different to thee, aw want to be whear aw can be o' some use to them at belangs to me an net ramlin' abaat makkin misen a laffinstock for fowk! But awst be suited when thart gooan for awst ha one less to luk after, an' if tha stops wol aw send for thi back tha'll net show thi face i' this fold agean yet a bit!"

Aw set varry quiet an' sed nowt for aw knew if aw spaik aw should mak' it war, an' after shoo'd scaled fire an' clattered th' pooaker agean th' ribs, banged th' ovven door to, upset th' tangs, punced th' fender aght ov its place an'