قراءة كتاب Step Lively! A Carload of the Funniest Yarns that Ever Crossed the Footlights
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Step Lively! A Carload of the Funniest Yarns that Ever Crossed the Footlights
class="i0">When at night yer gently sleepin',
Sleepin' in your trunnle bed,
An' yer hear a buzzin', creepin',
Creepin' round yer drowsy head;
Such a gentle kind o' buzzin',
Seems like some one's sayin' "Cousin,
Couz-in, couz-zin, couz-z-zin, couz-z-z-zin!"
When ye ain't got no sich kin,
Heads in under quick, an' cheat 'er!
It's a low down female skeeter,
That's a-lyin'
And a tryin'
To break in.
'Neath the bedclothes—she won't leave—
For she knows yer only hidin'
An' yer got ter rise to breathe,
So she'll hover 'round there buzzin'
'Bout that everlastin' "Cousin,
Couz-in, couz-zin, couz-z-zin, couz-z-z-zin!"
She must love that chap a lot.
Heads from under—biff! she's got yer,
An' I told yer that she'd swat yer,
General Jackson!
Say, I'm axin'
Did she swat?
Crouchin' thar beneath that sheet,
An' she journeys out the winder,
Don't you think you've fooled that skeet,
For she'll hustle back a buzzin',
"Couz-in, couz-zin, couz-z-zin, couz-z-z-zin!"
They'll locate you in the dark—
Biff! She has 'bout all ye owe 'er,
An' ye wonder why ole Noah
Let the first two,
An' the worst two,
In the ark!
Aha! There's my friend Judge Longears in the back row. Now, don't everybody rubber. Well, well, well, he's scooted. I pity these bashful men. Judge Longears has in his day defended all manner of criminals.
Some of them escaped punishment Which they richly deserved, simply because they were wise enough to employ a smart lawyer.
And no doubt the fee he received often constituted the proceeds of the very robbery of which they had just been proven innocent.
Even in his early career I remember he had an experience of this character.
In my hearing his good wife said to him:
"So you cleared that poor Mr. Liftem from the charge of stealing that turkey? I'm glad of it, but he's such a worthless character that I don't believe you'll ever get a cent for your services."
I have never forgotten the smile that stole over the placid face of Longears, as he replied:
"Perhaps not, Maria, but I've got an all-fired good turkey out in the woodshed, just the same."
