STEP LIVELY!

A CARLOAD OF THE FUNNIEST YARNS THAT EVER CROSSED THE FOOTLIGHTS

BY

GEORGE NIBLO

STREET & SMITH · PUBLISHERS · NEW YORK

"Step Lively!"

A CARLOAD OF THE FUNNIEST
YARNS THAT EVER CROSSED
THE FOOTLIGHTS....

By

GEORGE NIBLO

Author of
"B'Gosh," and "Atchoo!"

STREET & SMITH, Publishers
238 William Street, New York

Copyright, 1903
By STREET & SMITH

"Step Lively!"

STEP LIVELY

There, there, there! Don't make such a racket or you'll make me nervous.

The manager said to me this morning: "Just give 'em a little nonsense, Mr. Niblo. You know a little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the best of men."

That's the reason he engaged me; said I was the most nonsensical man he ever knew. That's right. Laugh at me. Oh, I dearly love to see people's faces wreathed in smiles.

I've always been a seeker after fun myself.

Why, would you believe it, I once walked twenty miles to thrash a fellow—just for fun.

What's that—twenty more miles back again? Well, to tell you the truth, that didn't bother me.

You see, they carried me back in an ambulance.

I was thinking of telling you a ridiculous story about the dirty window, but I guess I'd better not.

You wouldn't see through it, anyway.

Instead of that let me relate a few amusing things that happened to me while I was on the road last summer.

I always start in a Pullman, and generally come back—well, what's the use telling family secrets?

While I was doing the Ohio theatres I spent some little time with an old friend.

He is engaged in a country school, and for five days in the week wrestles with the task of teaching the young idea how to shoot. I went to see him at work, and of course the scholars were more backward than ordinary. Just as the baby will never be cunning when strangers are around.

It was a lesson in geography that quite broke me up.

"What is a cataract?" asked the pedagogue.

There was a complete frost.

No one had any idea apparently.

"Well, what is meant by a cape?" said my friend.

This was better. One of the children knew it was a point of land jutting out into the water.

"What is a strait?"

Over in the corner a hand went up.

"I know, teacher," said a small boy.

"Well, what is it?"

"It beats three of a kind," was the triumphant answer.

Feeling a little indisposed while at