Observations by Mr. Dooley

by

Finley Peter Dunne

A Little Essay on Books
The Law's Delays
Sherlock Holmes
International Amenities
Art Patronage
Immigration
White House Discipline
Money and Matrimony
Prince Henry's Visit
Prince Henry's Reception
Cuba vs. Beet Sugar
Bad Men From The West
European Intervention
The Philippine Peace
Soldier and Policeman
King Edward's Coronation
One Advantage of Poverty
The Fighting Word
Home Life of Geniuses
Reform Administration
Work and Sport
The Names of a Week
The End of the War
Newport
Arctic Exploration
Machinery
Swearing
The War Game
Newspaper Publicity
Adventure
Rights and Privileges of Women
Avarice and Generosity
The End of Things
Hypocrisy
History
Enjoyment
Gratitude

A Little Essay on Books

"Hogan tells me that wan iv th' first things man done afther he'd larned to kill his neighborin' animals, an' make a meal iv wan part iv thim an' a vest iv another, was to begin to mannyfacther lithrachoor, an' it's been goin' on up to th' prisint day. Thim was times that th' Lord niver heerd about, but is as well known to manny a la-ad in th' univarsity iv southren Injyanny as if th' histhry iv thim was printed on a poster. Hogan says a pro-fissor with a shovel an' a bad bringin'-up can go out annywhere along th' dhrainage-canal an' prove to ye that th' Bible is no more thin an exthry avenin' edition iv th' histhry iv th' wurruld, an' th' Noah fam'ly was considhered new arrivals in th' neighborhood where they lived. He says he'll show ye th' earth as though 't was a section iv a layer-cake or an archytect's dhrawin' iv a flat-buildin', an' p'int out how 't was accumylated.

"First 't was a mere squdge in which ne'er a livin' thing cud be found. This peryod lasted a few millyion years, an' thin th' mush caked an' become buildin'-materyal, an' threes grew out iv th' buildin'-materyal an' fell down an' become coal. Thin th' wather come—but where it come fr'm I don't know, f'r they was no God at th' time—an' covered th' earth, an' thin th' wather evaporated an' left little p'ints iv land shtickin' up with ready-made men an' women occypyin' thim, an' at that moment th' Bible begun. Ye might say we 're livin' on th' roof iv a flat, with all th' apartmints beneath us occypied be th' bones iv submarine monsthers an' other tinants.

"Lasteways that's what Hogan tells