rose," she sez, "be any other name
  Would smell the same.
  Oh, w'erefore art you Romeo, young sir?
  Chuck yer ole pot, an' change yer moniker!"

  Doreen an' me, we bin to see a show—
  The swell two-dollar touch. Bong tong, yeh know.
  A chair apiece wiv velvit on the seat;
  A slap-up treat.
  The drarmer's writ be Shakespeare, years ago,
  About a barmy goat called Romeo.

  "Lady, be yonder moon I swear!" sez 'e.
  An' then 'e climbs up on the balkiney;
  An' there they smooge a treat, wiv pretty words
  Like two love-birds.
  I nudge Doreen. She whispers, "Ain't it grand!"
  'Er eyes is shinin'; an' I squeeze 'er 'and.

  "Wot's in a name?" she sez. 'Struth, I dunno.
  Billo is just as good as Romeo.
  She may be Juli-er or Juli-et—
  'E loves 'er yet.
  If she's the tart 'e wants, then she's 'is queen,
  Names never count…But ar, I like "Doreen!"

  A sweeter, dearer sound I never 'eard;
  Ther's music 'angs around that little word,
  Doreen!…But wot was this I starts to say
  About the play?
  I'm off me beat. But when a bloke's in love
  'Is thorts turns 'er way, like a 'omin' dove.

  This Romeo 'e's lurkin' wiv a crew—
  A dead tough crowd o' crooks—called Montague.
  'Is cliner's push—wot's nicknamed Capulet—
  They 'as 'em set.
  Fair narks they are, jist like them back-street clicks,
  Ixcep' they fights wiv skewers 'stid o' bricks.

  Wot's in a name? Wot's in a string o' words?
  They scraps in ole Verona with the'r swords,
  An' never give a bloke a stray dog's chance,
  An' that's Romance.
  But when they deals it out wiv bricks an' boots
  In Little Lon., they're low, degraded broots.

  Wot's jist plain stoush wiv us, right 'ere to-day,
  Is "valler" if yer fur enough away.
  Some time, some writer bloke will do the trick
  Wiv Ginger Mick,
  Of Spadger's Lane. 'E'LL be a Romeo,
  When 'e's bin dead five 'undred years or so.

  Fair Juli-et, she gives 'er boy the tip.
  Sez she: "Don't sling that crowd o' mine no lip;
  An' if you run agin a Capulet,
  Jist do a get."
  'E swears 'e's done wiv lash; 'e'll chuck it clean.
  (Same as I done when I first met Doreen.)

  They smooge some more at that. Ar, strike me blue!
  It gimme Joes to sit an' watch them two!
  'E'd break away an' start to say good-bye,
  An' then she'd sigh
  "Ow, Ro-me-o!" an' git a strangle-holt,
  An' 'ang around 'im like she feared 'e'd bolt.

  Nex' day 'e words a gorspil cove about
  A secret wedding; 'an they plan it out.
  'E spouts a piece about 'ow 'e's bewitched:
  Then they git 'itched.
  Now, 'ere's the place where I fair git the pip!
  She's 'is ofr keeps, an' yet 'e lets 'er slip!

  Ar! but'e makes me sick! A fair gazob!
  'E's jist the glarsey on the soulful sob,
  'E'll sigh and spruik, an' 'owl a love-sick vow—
  (The silly cow!)
  But when 'e's got 'er, spliced an' on the straight
  'E crools the pitch, an' tries to kid it's Fate.

  Aw! Fate me foot! Instid of slopin' soon
  As 'e was wed, off on 'is 'oneymoon,
  'Im an' 'is cobber, called Mick Curio,
  They 'ave to go
  An' mix it wiv that push o' Capulets.
  They look fer trouble; an' it's wot they gets.

  A tug named Tyball (cousin to the skirt)
  Sprags 'em an' makes a start to sling off dirt.
  Nex' minnit there's a reel ole ding-dong go—
  'Arf round or so.
  Mick Curio, 'e gets it in the neck,
  "Ar rats!" 'e sez, an' passes in 'is check.

  Quite natchril, Romeo gits wet as 'ell.
  "It's me or you!" 'e 'owls, an' wiv a yell,
  Plunks Tyball through the gizzard wiv 'is sword,
  'Ow I ongcored!
  "Put in the boot!" I sez. "Put in the boot!"
  "'Ush!" sez Doreen…"Shame!" sez some silly coot.

  Then Romeo, 'e dunno wot to do.
  The cops gits busy, like they allwiz do,
  An' nose around until 'e gits blue funk
  An' does a bunk.
  They wants 'is tart to wed some other guy.
  "Ah, strike!" she sez. "I wish that I could die!"

  Now, this 'ere gorspil bloke's a fair shrewd 'ead.
  Sez 'e "I'll dope yeh, so they'll THINK yer dead."
  (I tips 'e was a cunnin' sort, wot knoo
  A thing or two.)
  She takes 'is knock-out drops, up in 'er room:
  They think she's snuffed, an' plant 'er in 'er tomb.

  Then things gits mixed a treat an' starts to whirl.
  'Ere's Romeo comes back an' finds 'is girl
  Tucked in 'er little coffing, cold an' stiff,
  An' in a jiff,
  'E swallows lysol, throws a fancy fit,
  'Ead over turkey, an' 'is soul 'as flit.

  Then Juli-et wakes up an' sees 'im there,
  Turns on the water-works an' tears 'er 'air,
  "Dear love," she sez, "I cannot live alone!"
  An' wiv a moan,
  She grabs 'is pockit knife, an' ends 'er cares…
  "Peanuts or lollies!" sez a boy upstairs.

VI. The Stror 'at Coot

  Ar, wimmin! Wot a blinded fool I've been!
    I arsts meself, wot else could I ixpeck?
  I done me block complete on this Doreen,
    An' now me 'eart is broke, me life's a wreck!
  The dreams I dreamed, the dilly thorts I thunk
  Is up the pole, an' joy 'as done a bunk.

  Wimmin! O strike! I orter known the game!
    Their tricks is crook, their arts is all dead snide.
  The 'ole world over tarts is all the same;
    All soft an' smilin' wiv no 'eart inside.
  But she fair doped me wiv 'er winnin' ways,
  Then crooled me pitch fer all me mortal days.

  They're all the same! A man 'as got to be
    Stric' master if 'e wants to snare 'em sure.
  'E 'as to take a stand an' let 'em see
    That triflin' is a thing'e won't indure.
  'E wants to show 'em that 'e 'olds command,
  So they will smooge an' feed out of 'is 'and.

  'E needs to make 'em feel 'e is the boss,
    An' kid 'e's careless uv the joys they give.
  'E 'as to make 'em think 'e'll feel no loss
    To part wiv any tart 'e's trackin' wiv.
  That all their pretty ways is crook pretence
  Is plain to any bloke wiv common-sense.

  But when the birds is nestin' in the spring,
    An' when the soft green leaves is in the bud,
  'E drops 'is bundle to some fluffy thing.
    'E pays 'er 'omage—an' 'is name is Mud.
  She plays wiv'im an' kids 'im on a treat,
  Until she 'as 'im crawlin' at 'er feet.

  An' then, when 'e's fair orf 'is top wiv love,
    When she 'as got 'im good an' 'ad 'er fun,
  She slings 'im over like a carst-orf glove,
    To let the other tarts see wot she's done.
  All vanity, deceit an' 'eartless kid!
  I orter known; an', spare me days, I did!

  I knoo. But when I looked into 'er eyes—