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Title: The Spirit of Contradiction

Author: Charles Riviere Dufresny

Translator: Frank J. Morlock

Posting Date: August 4, 2012 [EBook #4752] Release Date: September, 2003 First Posted: March 12, 2002

Language: English

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SPIRIT OF CONTRADICTION ***

Produced by Dagny and Frank J. Morlock

This Etext is for private use only. No republication for profit in print or other media may be made without the express consent of the Copyright Holder. The Copyright Holder is especially concerned about performance rights in any media on stage, cinema, or television, or audio or any other media, including readings for which an entrance fee or the like is charge. Permissions should be addressed to: Frank Morlock, 6006 Greenbelt Rd, #312, Greenbelt, MD 20770, USA or [email protected]. Other works by this author may be found at http://www.cadytech.com/dumas/personnage.asp?key=130

THE SPIRIT OF CONTRADICTION

BY DUFRESNY

                       Translated and adapted
                         By Frank J. Morlock

Characters French names

Mr. Townly M. Oronte
Mrs. Townly Mme. Oronte
Lucas, the gardener Lucas
Angelica Angelique
Edward Richly Valere
Mr. Nelson M. Thibaudois
Lawyer Notary
Lackey Lackey

Six men, two women

The scene is a garden before Mr. Townly's house in London. Lucas, the gardener enters in a rage.

Lucas:
To hell with that bitch and her contradictory nature!

Townly:
There, there, Lucas, softly.

Lucas:
No, sir. I can no longer put up with your wife's temperament.

Townly: You have to forgive her, because the spirit of contradiction is natural to her.

Lucas: When she contradicts you like crazy,—you, her husband—that's natural, huh? Well, maybe. But it isn't natural that she should contradict my garden.

Townly:
Patience, Lucas, patience.

Lucas: To be perfectly frank I don't like being gardener here—or anywhere there are women. A woman in a garden causes more damage than a million hedgehogs.

Townly:
You're right and my wife is in the wrong.

Lucas: Everything I've planted is torn up. She's replanted all the weeds I tore out when I was grafting. She said they're wildflowers. Then when I planted the cabbages she said she now wants lettuces. Nothing is done by her order that doesn't reverse something I've done. Yesterday she half buried my prunes under melons. I believe, God pardon me! that it would be better for me to plant watermelons in the grape arbor.

Townly: She's unreasonable, but let's forget about that, Lucas. Let's talk about marrying my daughter. I need your advice about that matter.

Lucas:
I haven't got an idea in my head because I've been fighting with
Madam. That puts me in an uncultivated state—me and my garden. And
besides, she's just discharged me.

Townly:
Don't worry about it. Never mind. I'll take care of you.

Lucas: How are you going to take care of me against her—when you can't take care of yourself? Hey! did I ever tell you that you're too easy with her? As soon as she says yes or no, you say the same.

Townly: What do you want, Lucas? I love my wife. She has no other pleasure than to do exactly the opposite of what I want. So I provide her with that small satisfaction.

Lucas: You do that if that's what you like. But don't worry, her humour is too settled for it to give her any satisfaction. So much for that, sir. As to your daughter, I'll be what help I can—but what do you intend to do?

Townly:
Well, you see I've got to get my wife to agree—

Lucas: Well, it's not up to me. I've tried to revive your spirit, but you won't do anything against her.

Townly: Look, you're more imagination than I do. And more sense than philosophers—who haven't any, really.

Lucas: Wait, sir. There are peasants who are sharp about acquiring money—but my philosophy is to govern the world like a careful gardener. You for example, want to marry your daughter but you don't know to whom. But me, I've seen it all in my garden. As I tell Madam, trees benefit from the sun; plants from the shade. So you see if your daughter is ready to benefit from marriage, your wife will put her in a convent.

Townly: You've said it exactly. If my daughter wishes to get married she'd better not show it.

Lucas: Madam has already tried to worm it out of me. "But Lucas," she said to me, "what do you think of this marriage?" "I think nothing, Madam." "But my daughter, for her part—" "Nothing." "But my husband, for his part—" Silence. "And because they know I can't breathe when I'm contradicted, they hide it from me. But it won't work. And I have tricks for figuring out when I'm being contradicted. It's a blind alley." What a woman. Very well. Leave it to me to put everything right. She's coming.

Townly:
I will wait for you in the arbor.

(Exit Townly)

Lucas: I'd be very much put out to leave the employ of that bourgeois. His bourgeois money shines forth more splendidly than the money of noblemen who have a great deal more.

Mrs. Townly: (entering) Have you just put yourself under the protection of my husband? He can tell me to keep you, but I am not going to obey him. Come quickly, give me the keys and then I will give you your wages.

Lucas: (in a whining tone)
I am very upset about losing my situation with you.

(Then roaring)
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Mrs. Townly:
You are laughing, eh?

Lucas: (crying)
It overwhelms me.

(Roaring)
Ha, ha, ha!

Mrs. Townly:
What are you getting at?

Lucas:
Nothing, nothing, ha, ha, ha.

(Sadly)
Here, Madam, I am giving you the keys.

Mrs. Townly:
I know why you're laughing.

Lucas: Ha, ha, ha, ha. I can't hold myself in. How nice to be thrown out. I'm not afraid of you. Ha, ha. I laugh like a merry go round at what you have done. Ha, ha, ha. Quite frankly, this is something that I expected for a long time from your difficult temperament and I hope you are inexorable. I have said to myself, if Madam sees that I want to take my leave, she won't hear of it. If I ask for my wages, she'll let me fish for them rather than be of my opinion. Oh, it's much