should. If you will pardon my egotism, I will illustrate this assertion by my own experience. I may say modestly—for I am only quoting men’s words—that I am considered the most intelligent of beasts, and am chosen as the companion, the playmate, the assistant, yea, the protector of man. I cheer hours of his loneliness from the cradle to the grave, and am ever ready to assist him in a thousand different ways. Yet how am I treated? A hard crust, a dry bone, kicks and curses and harsh words, a bed on a hard plank or on the cold ground, wherever I can find it. These are too often the inventory of my rewards; while the torments inflicted by small boys, and the indignity and torture of tin cans tied to my tail, fill the full record of my tale of woe. No doubt the rest of you have grievances many and various.

“We will be pleased to hear from any of you who desire to speak, and will be glad of any suggestion, or plan for the general good which may present itself to you. The meeting is now open for remarks.”

He sat down on his tail and assumed his most dignified and intelligent expression, while he looked about the miscellaneous assembly. In an instant the horse walked forward, and was duly recognized by the chairman.

“The words of our chairman have struck a responsive chord in my heart,” he said gravely. “I have pondered on this subject many times when suffering from the abuse of men. Sometimes I am driven at my utmost speed for hours at a time, while my head is held unnaturally high and my graceful neck cramped and stiffened by the cruel check-rain; my body exposed to the torments of flies because my beautiful tail has been docked; and then, when weary and sore and over-heated, I am tied up in some chilling draught of wind while my feet are obliged to stand in a wet gutter, and I am stiffened and ruined for life by some person’s ignorance or foolishness.

“It does seem a pity, to me, that some more rational creature than man had not been chosen as ‘The lord of creation’ in the beginning. Why, he cannot govern himself. Then how can he be capable of governing us who follow unerring instincts with unfailing faithfulness? The question is wide as the world and deep as the sea. As I have said, I have pondered it many times in all its aspects, but as yet have reached no definite conclusion which might suggest a remedy.

“Therefore, let me urge upon you all to give us your wisest thoughts upon this subject, which is of vital importance to us all.”

He returned to his place and waited anxiously for the next speaker.

The cat took the floor with a graceful step and a gentle expression which caught the favor of the assembly.

“I am small among beasts, but my grievances are many and great. I am chosen by men as a playmate for their children, so that the mothers may be free to attend to what they call their ‘necessary work’ in peace and without interruption. How am I rewarded?

“The children whom I strive to amuse drag me ceaselessly around, pull my tail and pinch my ears, blow in my face and jerk my sensitive whiskers; and if I remonstrate with voice or teeth or claws, I am beaten and kicked and tossed out of doors without even the privilege of trial by jury.

“I catch the rats and mice which infest men’s houses, and then when they forget to give me milk which is so necessary to prevent the ill effects which follow a diet of meat and I help myself delicately to a few laps of cream, I am abused as if I had committed a mighty and unpardonable sin.

“They call me a necessity, yet they drown my beautiful kittens, or carry them off in bags and cast them helpless and forlorn upon the mercy of a cold and cruel world. And then men presume to say that they are made after the image of God, and have been divinely appointed masters of the world! What blasphemy! What blind stupidity! Words fail me in view of these appalling facts.”

Half the assembly was in tears before poor pussy had finished her category of woes.

A fly buzzed forward with impulsive haste, and spoke with a little rasping voice:

“We flies are small; but we are mighty. We remove mountains of dirt for uncleanly men, and how do they reward us? They catch us in traps and drown us with boiling water. They snare our feet with treacherous fly-papers, and after laughing at our struggles to get free, burn us without mercy. Small boys torture us with pins, or pull off legs and wings for what they call ‘fun.’ If they do not want us about them, why do they make the filth which necessitates our presence? That is a conundrum beyond my solving. I leave it for this wise assembly to answer.”

The fly buzzed back to a sunny spot, and an unwieldy hog ambled forward.

“‘As greedy as a hog.’ ‘As lazy as a pig.’ ‘As fat as a pig.’ ‘No more sense than a hog.’ Have you never heard such expressions as these fall from the lips of men? They shut us up in little dirty pens where we must needs be lazy, since we cannot run about. They continually tempt us with food, and the more we eat the better they like it, since it produces the fat which they afterwards deride. If we weary of dry corn or thin slop, and break through some convenient hole which their own carelessness has left, and help ourselves to the tender cabbages and peas of their gardens, they chase us with yells and sticks and stones, and send their dogs to make devilled ham of us before we are dead.”

His pun so amused the assembly that they were convulsed with laughter. After vainly waiting several minutes for silence the hog returned calmly to his place, convinced that he had at least presented his grievances in a striking manner.

A handsome black Spanish rooster strutted forward to the platform, and stretching his neck, called the audience to order with his clear-toned

“How-do-you-do? I am the ‘Cock-o’-the-walk,’” he explained, “a term which men are pleased to borrow and apply to themselves. They rely upon me to give them warning of the approach of day, and then grumble because I disturb their slumbers. How can they expect to wake up without having their slumbers disturbed? That’s what I would like to know. They rely upon me to eat the worms and bugs and grasshoppers that destroy their gardens, and then chase me with stones and dogs when they find me in their gardens doing my duty.

“They pen me up, often for days at a time, with insufficient food and water, and do not even deign an apology for their neglect.

“My wives supply numerous eggs for men’s food, yet they wring our necks without mercy if we venture to eat an egg ourselves when they have forgotten to feed us. ‘As full as an egg is of meat,’ is a comparison which might properly be balanced with ‘As full as a man is of inconsistency.’

“If men would attend to their business and scratch for a living as I do, the world would be a far better place than it is today.”

He ended amid prolonged applause, and walked proudly to a conspicuous perch in the sunshine.

By this time there was much excitement among the audience, who all signified a desire to speak at once. While the chairman was busy quieting them with most vigorous barks, a monkey with much agility made his way over the heads of the audience, and leaped to the platform, where he was ready to make his profoundest bows to the assembly the moment quiet reigned.

“You may consider me an alien, since I hail from a far country, yet I am truly American—for even South America reveres the Stars and Stripes,” he said, and his words were applauded by the very ones who had but a moment previous frowned at his audacity.

“I hold myself the superior of mankind since many of their scientists assert that the human race are but highly developed monkeys. To be sure, a few haughty fellows have lately declared that monkeys are but the offspring of degenerate men, but we monkeys resent such