قراءة كتاب Mr. Punch In Society: Being the humours of social life
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for the Courteous Manners of the Olden Time). “That, madam, is entirely my fault!”
[Exit gracefully, but remembers as he goes downstairs that he meant to say “misfortune,” not “fault.”
THINGS ONE MIGHT HAVE EXPRESSED OTHERWISE
I
Visitor (who has accepted an invitation to a local concert). “Is it evening dress?”
Hostess. “Oh, no; just as you are dressed now—or worse, if you have it.”
II
Lady Guest (to Host, who hates getting up early). “I’m so awfully sorry to have dragged you up at this unearthly hour, but I had to catch the 8.30 train.”
Host. “Not at all. I’m only too glad to be able to see you off!”
III
Host. “Take a little whiskey before you go, Jones?”
Jones (after helping himself). “Thanks! May I pour you out some?”
Host. “Please—not too much—just about half what you’ve given yourself!”
IV
Gushing Lady. “Oh but, Mr. Jones, I should love to be beautiful—even if for only half-an-hour!”
V
He. “I suppose, now that the London Season is coming to an end, that you’ve been very gay?”
She. “Oh, yes—I haven’t had a dull moment since I saw you last!”
VI
Fair Hostess. “Good-night, Major Jones; we’re supposed to breakfast at nine; but we’re not very punctual people. Indeed, the later you appear to-morrow morning, the better pleased we shall all be!”
VII
The Professor (to Hostess). “Thank you so much for a most delightful evening! I shall indeed go to bed with pleasant recollections,—and you will be the very last person I shall think of!”
VIII
Elderly Party (who fancies herself young). “Ah, Mildred, you and I must one day lose our youth and beauty!”
Mildred. “Oh, you mustn’t be down-hearted. You have worn so wonderfully well!”
IX
Captain Sawney (at a Mi-Carême fancy dress ball, perfectly satisfied that he is saying a happy thing and paying a very great compliment). “Well, you do look delightful! Fascinating! Too charming for words! What an awful pity it is you are not always like that!”
X
Jones (nervously conscious that he is interrupting a pleasant tête-à-tête). “A—I’m sorry to say I’ve been told to take you in to supper, Miss Belsize!”
XI
Hostess. “This is good of you, Major Grey! When I wrote I never expected for a moment that you would come.”
XII
Old Aunt (despondently). “Well, I shall not be a nuisance to you much longer.”
Nephew (reassuringly). “Don’t talk like that, aunt. You know you will!”
XIII
“Well, good-bye, Mr. Green. It was so nice of you to come. It does father such a lot of good to have someone to talk to.”
“I was delighted to come, Miss Brown, but I’m afraid I’m not much of a conversationalist.”
“My dear Mr. Green, don’t let that trouble you. Father’s ideal listener is an absolute idiot, with no conversation whatever, and I know he has enjoyed himself tremendously to-night!”
THE SOCIETY VOICE
[A contemporary complains that most people in Society consider it necessary to address one another in shrill, high-pitched voices.]
