helping hand, and grabs him by the hair of the head, don’t we?

Charles. That is the first impulse—unless he’s bald.

Bobstay (extending hand). Put it there; give us your flipper (they shake hands). All right. Here’s your hand and ’ere’s my head! Take a good hold of it, as if I was agoin’ down for the last time. Now, steady. (Charles takes hold of his wig, and Bobstay seizes his beard.) Let fall all! (He stands back, pulling off whiskers. Charles pulls off wig.)

Charles. Uncle Bobstay!

Bobstay. Hush! Easy, Charley, easy. Bobstay of the Indigo Blue, he went up—no, down—leastwise he went off. I’m a sperit, you understand? I’m the Ancient Mariner—Captain Kyd—the Great Unknown—anything you please but Bobstay. He mysteriously disappeared; let him be missed.

Charles. But what have you been doing? What’s the trouble?

Bobstay. A deep one—deeper than the sea. Hush! Put it there (shakes hands). There’s a woman at the bottom.

Charles. At the bottom of the sea? Good gracious!

Bobstay. No. I wish she was, Charley. Put it there (shakes hands). You’ve heard me speak of Spanker, skipper of the Venetian Red?

Charles. Many a time. He was a particular friend of yours, I believe.

Bobstay. Charley, listen to a tale that would make the marines blush. When I reached Valparaiso on my last run, I found the Venetian Red there before me; but I found that Spanker had “mysteriously disappeared.”[A] His hat and coat were found upon the pier, and he was supposed to be beneath the waves.

Charles. What a coincidence!

Bobstay. Charley, he left a widow. I found her in Venetian Red on board the mourning black,—no—in mourning red onboard the Venetian—

Charles. No matter about the colors; go on.

Bobstay. Charley, she was in distress; and did you ever hear of a tar who found a lass in distress, and deserted her? Never. In a week I had asked her to marry me. In ten days we were married in church.

Charles. Married! Then you are—

Bobstay. Mysteriously disappeared; that’s the p’int. We were married in church. And now for an astonishing disclosure. When we came out of church, who should I see but Spanker—the dead and gone Spanker—peeping round a corner, with a grin on his face and a finger on his nose.

Charles. What! Why, this is bigamy!

Bobstay. What-amy? ’Twas a swindle!

Charles. Unhappy man! How did you act? What did you say?

Bobstay. I said nothing; put the lady, Mrs. Spanker Bobstay, into the carriage, shut the door, and mysteriously disappeared.

Charles. And your wife?

Bobstay. Avast there! She’s Spanker’s wife.

Charles. But he basely deserted her.

Bobstay. So did I. Mysteriously disappeared.

Charles. But where have you been? What have you been doing all this time?

Bobstay. Pursuing the phantom ship, Sylvester Spanker.

Charles. Have you any trace of him?

Bobstay. Trace, my hearty? He’s made a clean run, blast his toplights!

Charles. Then she is yours now.

Bobstay. Is she? That’s a p’int for the sharks to argue. I