Let me introduce a Race

Void of Beauty and of Grace,

Extraordinary Creatures

With a Paucity of Features.

Though their Forms are fashioned ill,

They have Manners stranger still;

For in Rudeness they're Precocious,

They're Atrocious, they're Ferocious!

Yet you'll learn, if you are Bright,

Politeness from the Impolite.

When you've finished with the Book,

At your Conduct take a Look;

Ask yourself, upon the Spot,

Are you Goop, or are you Not?

For, although it's Fun to See them

It is Terrible to Be them!

The Goops they lick their fingers,

And the Goops they lick their knives;

They spill their broth on the tablecloth—

Oh, they lead disgusting lives!

The Goops they talk while eating,

And loud and fast they chew;

And that is why I'm glad that I

Am not a Goop—are you?

The Goops are gluttonous and rude,

They gug and gumble with their food;

They throw their crumbs upon the floor,

And at dessert they tease for more;

They will not eat their soup and bread

But like to gobble sweets, instead,

And this is why I oft decline,

When I am asked to stay and dine!

The Goops they are spotted on chin and on cheek,

You could dig the dirt off with a trowel!

But you wash your face twenty times every week,

And you don't do it all with the towel!

The Goops are all dirty, and what do they do?

They like to be dirty, and stay so.

But if you were dirty,

Goops leave traces everywhere—

Gum stuck underneath the chair,

Muddy footprints in the hall,

Show that Goops have been to call;

Shoes and stockings on the floor

Show where Goops have been before!

I wonder why it is polite

In shaking hands, to give your right.

I wonder why it is refined

In passing one, to go behind.

I wonder why it is well-bred,

If you must sneeze, to turn your head.

Perhaps the reason is because

The Goops, they never have such laws!

When you have candy, do you go

And give your sister half?

When little brother stubs his toe,

Do you look on and laugh?

The greediest Goop would give away

The things he didn't need—

To share the toys with which you play,

That's generous, indeed!

When you're old, and get to be

Thirty-four or forty-three,

Don't you hope that you will see

Children all respect you?

Will they, without being told,

Wait on you, when you are old,

Or be heedless, selfish, cold?

I hope they'll not neglect you!

No matter how you wish

For the last one on the dish,

Miss Manners has a right
to it, not you;

And the largest one of all,

Or the nicest, big or small—

Well, I think you'd better
leave her that one too!

Whose doll is that on the table?

Whose book is that on the chair?

The knife and the pencils and other utensils,

Now how do they come to be there?

Didn't you say they were borrowed?

You'd better take back just a few!

If you lent your playthings, I think you would say things

If no one returned them to you!

My teacher taught me, yesterday,

A very pretty piece to say;

But when I try to think of it,

I can't remember it a bit!

My head's so full of toys and such,

I can't remember very much!

My teacher told me yesterday

"Work when you work; Play when you play!"

When I am playing with my toys

I am the busiest of boys;

But when I study or I work

I'm 'fraid I am inclined to shirk!

I have a notion

The Books on the shelves

Are just as much persons

As we are, ourselves.

When you are older,

You'll find this is true;

You'd better be careful

To make Books like you!

The boy who plays at marbles and doesn't try to cheat,

Who always keeps his temper, no matter if he's beat,

Is sure to be a favorite with all upon the street.

The girl who counts her hundreds very fairly, when she's "it"

Who doesn't peep or listen, nor turn around a bit,

I'm sure she's not a Goop, in fact, she's quite the opposite!

Josephus never yet was heard

To say but just one single word!

When father said to go to bed,

Then "Why?" was all Josephus said.

When mother bade him stop his play,

Then "Why?" Josephus used to say.

He always made the same reply.

'Twas never anything but "WHY?"

The night is different from the day—

It's darker in the night;

How can you ever hope to play

When it's no longer light?

When bed-time comes, it's time for you

To stop, for when you're yawning,

You should be dreaming what you'll do

When it's to-morrow morning.

The proper time for you to show

Whatever little tricks you know

Is when grown people ask you to;

Then you may show what you can do!

But sometimes mother's head will ache

With all the jolly noise you make,

And sometimes other people, too,

Can't spend the time to play with you!

Have you ever seen the scrawls

On the fences and the walls,

All the horrid little pictures and the horrid little names?

Don't you think it is a shame?

Are the Goops the ones to blame?

Did you ever catch them playing at their horrid little games?

It's terrible brave

To try to save

A girl on a runaway horse;

You could do that, of course!

But think of trying

To keep from crying,

When you're hungry and tired and cross—

You couldn't do that, of course!

Little scraps of paper,

Little crumbs of food,

Make a room

The clock will go slow

If you watch it, you know;

You must work right along and forget it.

So study your best

Till it's time for a rest,

The clock will go fast, if you let it!

When you have been a naughty child,

Or taken more than was your share,

When you've been sulky, cross or wild,

You must not say, "Oh, I don't care!"

But when you hate to see it rain,

And when it's time to comb your hair,

And when you have a little pain,

Then you can say, "Oh, I don't care!"

Oh, think what George Adolphus did!

The children point and stare.

He went where mother had forbid,

And said he "didn't care!"

Oh, think what George Adolphus did!

He made his mother cry!

The children whoop "You are a Goop!

Fie! George Adolphus, fie!"

I think it would be lots of fun

To be polite to every one;

A boy would doff his little hat,

A girl would curtsey, just like that!

And both would use such words as these:

"Excuse me, Sir," and "If you please;"

Not only just at home, you know,

But everywhere that they should go.

When you are playing with the girls,

You must not pull their pretty curls;

If you are gentle when you play,

You will be glad of it some day.

When a person visits you, remember he's your guest,

Receive him very kindly, and be sure he has the best;

Make him very comfortable and show him all your toys,

And only play the games you're very sure that he enjoys.

When you pay a visit, never grumble or complain,

Try to be so affable they'll want you there again;

Don't forget the older ones, your hostess least of all,

When you're leaving tell her you have had a pleasant call!

Almost every Goop forgets

When it's time to feed his pets,

'Cause his memory fails;

Listen to his wails!

He is often scratched or bitten

By the puppy or the kitten,

'Cause he pulls their tails!

Remember not to suck your thumb;

Remember not to slam the door;

Remember when the callers come

To take your toys from off the floor.