LONDON:
BRADBURY AND EVANS, PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.
PREFACE
Some explanation is perhaps due from a writer who adopts the title of Comic in relation to a subject which is ordinarily considered to be so essentially grave as that of History. Though the epithet may be thought by many inappropriate to the theme, this work has been prompted by a very serious desire to instruct those who, though willing to acquire information, seek in doing so as much amusement as possible.
It is true that professedly Comic literature has been the subject of a familiarity not unmixed with contempt on the part of a portion of the public, since that class of writing obtained the popularity which has especially attended it within the last few years; but as whatever disrepute it has fallen into is owing entirely to its abuse, there is no reason for abandoning an attempt to make a right use of it. The title of Comic has therefore been retained in reference to this work, though the author has felt that its purport is likely to be misconceived by many, and among them not a few whose judgment he would highly esteem, who would turn away from a Comic History solely on account of its name, and without giving themselves the trouble to look into it. Those persons are, however, grievously mistaken who have imagined that in this, and in similar books from the same pen, the object has been to treat History as a mere farce, or to laugh at Truth—the aim of the writer having invariably been to expose falsehood, and to bring into merited contempt all that has been injudiciously, ignorantly, or dishonestly held up to general admiration. His method of telling a story may be objected to; nevertheless, if he does his utmost to tell it truly, he ought not, perhaps, to be very severely criticised for adopting the style in which he feels himself most at home; and if his opinions are found to be, in the main, such as just and sensible persons can agree with, he only asks that his views and sentiments may be estimated by what they contain, and not by any peculiarity in his mode of expressing them.
The writer of this book is animated by an earnest wish to aid, as far as he is able, in the project of combining instruction with amusement; and he trusts he shall not be blamed for endeavouring to render such ability as he possesses available for as much as it is worth, in applying it to subjects of useful information.
Those who are not disposed to approve of his design, will perhaps give him credit for his motive; and he may with confidence assert, that, from the care and attention he has bestowed upon this work, it will be found to form (irrespective of its claims to amuse) by no means the least compendious and correct of the histories already in existence of Rome to the end of the Commonwealth. If he has failed in justifying the application of the title of Comic to his work, he has reason to believe it will be found accurate. Though the style professes to be light, he would submit that truth does not necessarily make more impression by being conveyed through a heavy medium; and although facts may be playfully told, it is hoped that narrative in sport may be found to constitute history in earnest.
CONTENTS.
MARTIUS 14 III.— FROM THE ACCESSION OF TARQUINIUS PRISCUS TO THE DEATH OF
SERVIUS TULLIUS 23 IV.— FROM THE ACCESSION OF TARQUINIUS SUPERBUS TO THE BANISHMENT
OF THE ROYAL FAMILY, AND THE ABOLITION OF THE KINGLY DIGNITY 33 V.— FROM THE BANISHMENT OF TARQUINIUS SUPERBUS TO THE BATTLE
OF LAKE REGILLUS 43 VI.— FROM THE BATTLE OF THE LAKE REGILLUS TO THE CLOSE OF THE
WAR WITH THE VOLSCIANS 56 VII.— FROM THE CLOSE OF THE WAR WITH THE VOLSCIANS TO THE
PASSING OF THE BILL OF TERENTILLUS 65 VIII.— FROM THE ESTABLISHMENT OF THE DECEMVIRATE TO THE TAKING
OF VEII 73 IX.— FROM THE TAKING OF ROME BY THE GAULS TO ITS SUBSEQUENT
PRESERVATION BY MANLIUS 89 X.— FROM THE TRIBUNESHIP OF C. LICINIUS TO THE DEFEAT OF THE
GAULS BY VALERIUS 97 XI.— FROM THE FIRST WAR AGAINST THE SAMNITES TO THE PASSING OF
THE LAWS OF PUBLILIUS 107 XII.— FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE SECOND TO THE END OF THE THIRD
SAMNITE WAR 116 XIII.— ON THE PEACEFUL OCCUPATIONS OF THE ROMANS. FROM THE
SCARCITY OF SUBJECT, NECESSARILY A VERY SHORT CHAPTER
OF ALL ITALY BY THE ROMANS 135 XV.— THE FIRST PUNIC WAR 150 XVI.— SOME MISCELLANEOUS WARS OF ROME 161 XVII.— THE SECOND PUNIC WAR 171 XVIII.— CONCLUSION OF THE SECOND PUNIC WAR 183 XIX.— WAR WITH THE MACEDONIANS. PROCLAMATION OF THE FREEDOM
OF GREECE BY FLAMINIUS. WAR WITH ANTIOCHUS. DEATH OF
HANNIBAL, AND OF SCIPIO AFRICANUS 193 XX.— PUBLIC AMUSEMENTS. MORALS, MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND STATE
OF THE DRAMA AND LITERATURE AMONG THE ROMANS 204 XXI.— WARS AGAINST PERSEUS. THE THIRD PUNIC WAR. SIEGE AND
DESTRUCTION OF CARTHAGE, AND DITTO DITTO OF CORINTH 215 XXII.— WARS IN SPAIN. VIRIATHUS. DESTRUCTION OF NUMANTIA. THE
SERVILE WAR IN SICILY. APPROPRIATION OF PERGAMUS 225 XXIII.— THE GRACCHI AND THEIR MOTHER. RISE AND FALL OF TIBERIUS
AND CAIUS GRACCHUS 234 XXIV.— THE JUGURTHINE WAR. WAR AGAINST THE CIMBRI AND TEUTONI 247 XXV.— MITHRIDATES, SULLA, MARIUS, CINNA, ET CÆTERA 257 XXVI.— DEATH OF CINNA. RETURN OF SULLA TO ROME. C. PAPIRIUS
CARBO. DICTATORSHIP OF SULLA 267 XXVII.— REACTION AGAINST THE POLICY OF SULLA. SERVICES OF
Q. SERTORIUS. METELLUS. CN. POMPEY. SPIRITED STEPS OF
SPARTACUS. THE IRATE PIRATE 275 XXVIII.— THE THIRD MITHRIDATIC WAR. DEPOSITION AND DEATH OF
MITHRIDATES 284 XXIX.— CONSPIRACY OF CATILINE. INTRODUCTION OF CICERO. CÆSAR,
POMPEY, CRASSUS, AND CO. 289 XXX.— OVERTHROW OF CRASSUS. DEFEAT OF POMPEY. DICTATORSHIP
AND DEATH OF CÆSAR. END OF THE ROMAN REPUBLIC 299
ENGRAVINGS ON STEEL.
the Romans 168 7. Flaminius Restoring Liberty to Greece at the Isthmian Games 195 8.
ENGRAVINGS ON WOOD.
very black at the Triumph of the General 83 In all probability something of this sort 84 School-boys flogging the Schoolmaster 88 Initial A.—A Gaul 89 The Citadel saved by the cackling of the Geese 93 Initial R.—Roman Soldier 97 Miss Fabia, the Younger, astonished at the Patrician's Double-knock 98 Titus threatening Pomponius 103 Terrific Combat between Titus Manlius and a Gaul of gigantic Stature 105 Initial T 107 A Scare-crow 109 Metius aggravating Titus Manlius 111 The Romans clothed by the Inhabitants of Capua 119 Samnite Soldier 126 Initial I.—Æsculapius 129 The Ambassadors purchasing Æsculapius 133 Tail-piece 134 Initial R 135 Appearance in the Senate of a young Nobleman, named Meto 139 Self-possession of Fabricius, the Ambassador, under rather Trying Circumstances 142 Discovery of the Head of Summanus 145 Curius Dentatus refusing the Magnificent Gift offered by the Samnite Ambassadors 146 Initial A 150 Roman Man-of-War, from a scarce Medal 153 Initial P 161 Hanno announcing to the Mercenaries the Emptiness of the Public Coffers 162 Early Roman Gladiator and his Patron 165 His Excellency Q. Fabius offering Peace or War to the Carthaginian Senate 169 Hannibal crossing the Alps 173 Hannibal disguising himself 176 The "Slow Coach" 179 Young Varro
THE
COMIC HISTORY OF ROME.
CHAPTER THE FIRST.
FROM THE FOUNDATION OF ROME TO THE DEATH OF ROMULUS.
he origin of the Romans has long been lost in that impenetrable fog, the mist of ages; which, it is to be feared, will never clear off, for it unfortunately seems to grow thicker the more boldly we try to grope about in it. In the midst of these fogs, some energetic individual will now and then appear with a pretty powerful link, but there are not enough of these links to form a connected chain of incidents.
One of the oldest and most popular traditions concerning the origin of the Romans, is that founded on the remarkable feat of filial pick-a-back alleged to have been performed by Æneas, who is frequently dragged in head and shoulders, with his venerable parent, to lead off the march of events, and, as it were, open the ball of history.
It is said that after[1] the siege of Troy, Æneas snatched up his Lares and Penates in one hand, and his father, Anchises, in the other; when, flinging the former over the right shoulder, and the latter over the left, he ran down to the sea-shore, called "A boat a-hoy," and escaped from the jaws of destruction into the mouth of the Tiber. There are many reasons for disbelieving this story, and it is quite enough to deprive it of weight to consider what must have been the weight of Anchises himself, and the large bundle of household images that Æneas is alleged to have been burdened with. Putting probability in one scale, and an elderly gentleman, with a lot of Lares and a parcel of Penates in the other, there can be no doubt which will preponderate. It happens, also, that Troy is usually said to have been destroyed 430 years before Rome was founded,[2] so that it would have been to this day as unfounded as the tale itself, if the city had had no other foundation than that which Æneas was supposed to have given it.
The Latin Bards have adorned this story in their own peculiar way, by adding that Æneas, on his arrival in the Tiber, resolved to sacrifice a milk white sow, in gratitude for his safety. The sow, who must have been an ancestor of the learned pig, got scent of her fate, and running two or three miles up the country, produced a sad litter of thirty little ones; when Æneas, fancying he heard a voice telling him to build a town on the spot, determined, "please the pigs," to found a city there. The classical story-teller goes on to say, that Latinus, king of the Latins, happened to be at war with Turnus—or as we might call him Turner—King of the Rutuli, when the Trojans arrived, and the former, thinking it better worth his while to make friends than foes of the immigrants, gave them a tract of land, which rendered them extremely tractable. On the principle that one good turn deserves another, they turned round upon Turnus, and completely routed the Rutuli. Latinus, to show his gratitude, gave Lavinia—not the "lovely young" one, who Thomson tells us, "once had friends;" but his own daughter of that name—in marriage to Æneas, who at the death of his father-in-law, ruled over the city, and called his colony Lavinium. Tradition tells us further that Æneas had a son, Ascanius, sometimes called Parvus Iulus, or little Juli, who subsequently left Lavinium, and built Alba Longa—a sort of classical long acre—in that desirable neighbourhood known as the Alban Mount, which, from its becoming subsequently the most fashionable part of the city, may deserve the name of the Roman Albany.
The descendants of Ascanius are said to have reigned 300 years, and an attempt has been made to fill up the gap of these three centuries with a quantity of dry rubbish of the antiquarian kind, which occupies space, without affording anything like a solid foundation for the structure to be built upon it. Of such a nature is the catalogue of matters alleged to have connected Æneas with the actual founders of Rome; but though names and dates are given, there is little doubt that the value of names is not even nominal, and that if we trust the dates, we shall rely on the falsest data.
The spirit of antiquarianism is as ancient as the subjects on which it employs its ingenuity, and the Romans began puzzling themselves at a very early period about their own origin. A long course of fabrication ended in rearing up a legendary fabric, which was acknowledged by all the Roman bards; and however much they may have doubted the truth of the tale, they deserve some credit for the consistency with which they have adhered to it.
The legend states that one Procas, belonging to the family of the Silvii, or Silvers, had two sons,—the elder, to whom the kingdom was left, being called Numitor, and the younger going by the name of Amulius. Though Numitor was the bigger brother, he does not seem to have been, pugilistically speaking, the better man, for he was deprived of the kingdom by Amulius, who, to prevent the chances of the law of primogeniture again taking effect, by placing any of Numitor's descendants on the throne, caused Rhea Silvia, the only daughter of that individual to become a virgin in the Temple of Vesta. The Vestals were, in fact, the old original nuns, withdrawing themselves from the world, and entering into a solemn vow against marriage during thirty years; after which period they were free to wed, though they were scarcely ever invited to avail themselves of their rather tardy privilege. The senior sister went by the highly respectable name of Virgo Maxima—or old maid in chief—and was doubtless something more than ordinary in her appearance, as well as in her position. The Vestals were required to be plain in their dress, and in order to extend this plainness as far as possible to their looks, their hair was cut very short, however much they may have been distressed at parting with their tresses. Their chief duty consisted in keeping up the fire on the altar of Vesta, and they were prohibited on pain of death from giving to any other flame the smallest encouragement. In the event of such an offence having been committed by an unfortunate Vestal, who found her position little better than being buried alive, she was made to undergo literally that awful penalty.
Though the duties of the Vestals