Drink rum as the Tommy drinks it. See Staff Officers at work (if it can be arranged).

Restrictions.

I. Loud laughing and talking is discouraged.

II. Sunshades and umbrellas must not be put up when in the front line.

III. Don't talk to the man at the periscope.

Gas Warning.

In case of gas put on the respirator; otherwise breathe out continuously.

Special Attraction.

Official Photographers in attendance during Christmas week.

If possible visitors will be given the opportunity of witnessing a practice barrage on the Enemy's front line.

Back seats (in ammunition dumps), two guineas. Front seats (firing line), sixpence.

Terms inclusive for the four days, twenty guineas. Good food. Sugar ad lib. All reasonable precautions taken. Casualties amongst visitors up to the present, one sick (sugar saturation).

PRATT'S BRIEF TOURS FOR BUSY PEOPLE.

(Saturday to Monday.)

Very short. Very moderate terms. Five guineas each tour or three for twelve and a-half. Bring the boy.

Special Attraction.

Magnificent Switchback Railway up and down the Messines Mine Craters. Spot where Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL lost his little Homburg hat under fire will be shown.

THE YPRES CARNIVAL.

(Three days.)

All the fun of the fair. Souvenirs supplied while you wait.

Splendid Side-show Features.

I. How our lads keep fit. Regimental sports. Rivet your sides and see the Bread and Jam Race.

II. Obstacle Race. Lorry versus Staff Car (with French carts, traffic control and G.S. wagons as obstacles). Very amusing. Language real.

For the Youngsters.

Pick-a-back rides on the Highland Light Elephantry.

Accommodation.

PRATT'S "BATTLE" TOUR.

Extraordinary offer. Thrills guaranteed.

By special arrangement Pratt's are enabled to offer their patrons a first-class view of the British Weekly Push "Somewhere in France (or Flanders)."

Attention is called to the following specially attractive items (there may be others):—

1. View of Preliminary Bombardment from an absolutely proof 12-inch O.P. The surrounding country and the objectives of the next attack will be explained by a specially trained Staff Officer.

2. The Battle.

Visitors are earnestly requested to be in time, as space in the Observation Post is limited and late arrivals cause a great deal of discomfort to all. Ladies are respectfully requested to remove their hats.

3. The Aftermath.

(a) Special Shelters are erected at cross-roads for visitors to witness the getting-up of guns, ammunition, etc., after the attack. Please don't feed the men as they go by or ask the Gunners questions.

(b) Breakfast in Boschland. Lunch in a Listening Post. Supper in a Saphead.

(c) A Special Narrow-gauge Railway will take Visitors to the newly-acquired forward area (not obligatory). This part of the programme is liable to variation.

Terms, fifty guineas. An Insurance Agent is always in attendance. Casualties up to the present, one Conscientious Objector missing, believed joined up.

Bombardments arranged at the shortest notice. For five pounds you can fire a 15-inch. Write for Free Booklet and apply for all particulars to Pratt's Agency, London, Paris, etc., etc.

VISITORS.

Another Sex Problem.

"From Lord Rosebery's herd at Mentmore, Mr. Ross got a show cow of the Lady Dorothy family, giving every appearance of being a great milker and a tip-top bull calf."—Aberdeen Free Press.

From a German communiqué:—

"Our naval forces had encounters with Russian destroyers and gungoats north of Oesel."—Westminster Gazette.

The Russian reply to the ewe-boats, we suppose.

"Kugelmann, Ludwig, of Canterbury Road, Canterbury, grocer, has adopted the name of Love Wisdom Power."—Australian Paper.

Who said the Germans had no sense of humour?

BURGLAR BILL.

THE POTSDAM PINCHER. "SURELY YOU AIN'T ASKIN' ME TO GIVE UP MY SWAG ARTER ALL THE TROUBLE I'VE HAD GETTIN' IT, AN' ALL THE VALIBLE BLOOD I'VE SPILT."

THE MUD LARKS.

The Babe went to England on leave. Not that this was any new experience for him; he usually pulled it off about once a quarter—influence, and that sort of thing, you know. He went down to the coast in a carriage containing seventeen other men, but he got a fat sleepy youth to sit on, and was passably comfortable. He crossed over in a wobbly boat packed from cellar to attic with Red Tabs invalided with shell shock, Blue Tabs with trench fever, and Green Tabs with brain-fag; Mechanical Transporters in spurs and stocks, jam merchants in revolvers and bowie-knives, Military Police festooned with pickelhaubes, and here and there a furtive fighting man who had got away by mistake, and would be recalled as soon as he landed.

The leave train rolled into Victoria late in the afternoon. Cab touts buzzed about the Babe, but he would have none of them; he would go afoot the better to see the sights of the village—a leisurely sentimental pilgrimage. He had not covered one hundred yards when a ducky little thing pranced up to him, squeaking, "Where are your gloves, Sir?" "I always put 'em in cold storage during summer along with my muff and boa, dear," the Babe replied pleasantly. "Moreover, my mother doesn't like me to talk to strangers in the streets, so ta-ta." The little creature blushed like a tea-rose and stamped its little hoof. "Insolence!" it squeaked. "You—you go back to France by the next boat!" and the Babe perceived to his horror that he had been