result was, of course, that I received official intimation that our line could apparently be broken at any time and that "steps must be taken," etc., etc. I took steps in the direction of Nijinsky.

Nijinsky is a Polish Jew (from Commercial Road, E.) and has long been the despair of his platoon sergeant. He is fat where there is no need to be fat, his clothes bulge where no clothes are expected to bulge, and he is the kind of man who loses a cap-badge once a week, preferably just before the C.O. comes round. There is only one saving grace about him. He can always be trusted to volunteer for a dull lecture or outing to which nobody else wants to go, but to which certain numbers have to be sent. His invariable reply to the question is, "Yiss, I'll ger-go, it's ser-something for ner-nothing."

I found him, as I expected, hanging round the cookhouse, and taxed him with his neglect of duty.

"He ter-told me I ought to use my dis-cretion, Sir," he piped in his high plaintive voice.

I told him severely that it was a trick, a very palpable trick, and that he must ever be on the alert for all such kinds of evasion. Finally, when I had informed him how badly he had let us all down, he waddled away contrite and tearful, and fully under the impression, I think, that I should probably lose my commission through his negligence.

I did not realise how deeply he had taken the matter to heart until I found him at his post apparently reading the Riot Act to a crowd of obsequious Huns, who were listening patiently to the written law as expounded in Yiddish—that being a language in which he succeeds in making himself partially understood. The incident passed, but I began to have fears that the reformed rake might prove a greater danger than ever.

The next day my worst fears were realised. In fact, during my temporary absence Nijinsky surpassed himself. At eleven o'clock the General, supported by his Staff, rolled up in his car and stopped at Nijinsky's post on his way into "neutral" country. The General, the G.S.O.1, the D.A.Q.M.G. and the A.D.C. got out, shining, gorgeous and beflowered with foreign decorations, to chat to the sentry (you've seen pictures of it; it's always being done), Nijinsky, who had already turned back two innocuous Gunner Colonels (armed with sporting guns) that morning, sauntered up, drunk with newly acquired confidence, his rifle slung on his right shoulder and his hat over one eye.

"All well here, sentry?" asked the General, towering over him in all his glory.

"Pup-pass, please," said Nijinsky, ever on the look-out for some cunning trick.

"Oh, that's all right; I'm General Blank."

The word "General" recalled Nijinsky to his senses. He unslung his rifle, brought it to the order, brought it to the slope and presented arms with great solemnity, and as only Nijinsky can.

"Oh—er—stand easy," said the General, when the meaning of these evolutions was made manifest to him. "Wonderful days for you fellows here—what? There have been times when the Rhine seemed a long way away, didn't it? And now here you are, a victorious army guarding that very river! It's a wonderful time for you, and no doubt you appreciate it?"

"Ger-grub's short," said Nijinsky.

"Rations?" said the D.A.Q.M.G. "I've had no complaints."

"Yiss. No spuds—taters, I mean."

"We must see to that," said the General. "Well, we'll go on, I think;" and they got into the car.

"Pup-pass, please," said Nijinsky, spotting the trick at once.

"Oh, that's all right, my good fellow. Drive on."

"N-n-no," said Nijinsky sternly; "you ker-can't ger-go without a pup-pup-pass!"

"Come, come, don't be ridiculous. I'm your General; you know me perfectly well."

"Yiss."

"Then let me through, do you hear? And let me have no more of this infernal nonsense."

"It's ug-ug—"

"It's what?"

"Ug-against orders."

"I know all about the orders, boy. I gave them myself."

"Yiss, and I'm ker-carrying them out, ain't I?" came with inexorable logic.

"Well, now I give you orders to let me through. Do you see?"

"Yiss; but if I do they'll have me up for disobeying the fer-first one. Pup-pass, please."

"Don't be ridiculous. We must go through. Don't you realise we have our duty to perform?"

"Yiss, Sir, so have I."

"'Pon my soul, this is too preposterous. My good boy, I'm very glad you know how to obey an order, but you must use your discretion sometimes."

At the word "discretion" Nijinsky started. Then he broke all records and winked—winked at a perfectly good General at eleven o'clock in the morning.

"Oh, no, you der-don't," he grinned; "I've been her-had before. The Captain says I'm ner-not to use my discretion; it only ger-gets me into a lot of terouble."

The General got out of his car. So did the G.S.O.1. So did the D.A.Q.M.G. So did the A.D.C. But the spectacle was not so impressive as before. They advanced in artillery formation upon the enemy. It was enough. Perish the General Staff! They were mere phantoms of authority beside the vision of the company officer and the words, "Escort and accused—halt. Left—turn. Private Nijinsky, Sir." With his eyes bulging with excitement Nijinsky leapt back and assumed the attitude of warlike defiance known as "coming on guard."

The General hesitated. He did not know Nijinsky, you see; he had never seen him going sick before the battle, or heard him murmur "ser-something for ner-nothing," as he took his medicine.

"Look here, my man, you are exceeding your duty and the consequences will be very serious. I will not be stopped in this outrageous manner! There is a time to obey orders and there is a time to use our discretion. Confound it, we must all of us use our discretion at times."

"Then," said Nijinsky, "wer-will you per-please use yours, for. I ker-can't let you through without a pup-pass."

The sun shone brightly on the car as it retired ignominiously, leaving Nijinsky hot, happy and victorious, presenting arms faithfully to the indignant Great Ones, and silence reigned on the battlefield.

He came and spluttered it all out to me afterwards, concluding with "I der-didn't let the ker-company down this time, Sir, der-did I?" and evidently expected a pat on the back for it.

Teams of infuriated artillery horses wouldn't drag from me whether he got it or not, but from that day to this he has never looked back. Indeed he has begun to take a pride in his personal appearance and general smartness. I met him yesterday wearing a smile like a slice of melon and with his boots, and buttons glistening in the sunshine.

"The General came through to-day, Sir," he said, beaming, "and he her-had a pup-pass all right;" and he strutted on, making strange noises in his throat, which I understand is the Yiddish for being pleased with yourself.

L.

Alf. "AIN'T YOU GOIN' TO EAT ANYFINK, 'ERBERT?"

'Erbert (four years in France). "WELL, MY OLD FAM AIN'T TURNED UP WITH MY BIT OF DAYJERNY."

Visitor to devastated area. "JOHN CHINAMAN LIKEE MUCHEE DLESSEE ALLEE SAMEE ENGLISH SOLDIER."

Chinese Ganger. "WELL, SIR, I DON'T CONCERN MYSELF MUCH ABOUT UNIFORM. ACTUALLY I'M A JOURNALIST AND ONLY CAME OUT HERE FOR THE EXPERIENCE."

"General wanted; small family; cook wept; wages £18-£20."—Local Paper.