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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, November 1, 1890
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
to do with Scotland as it has with SCOTT! From the general demeanour and appearance of the Chorus of "Ladies and Knights," and "Friends of Lord ASHTON," the ASHTONS evidently in a very second-rate set at Lammermoor. However, it must be admitted that their attitude, as spectators of Lucia's delirium, left nothing to desire on the score of repose—the VERE DE VERES themselves could not have been calmer, or less concerned. Blue chins, and sympathy expressed by semaphore action, in the good old time-honoured fashion. The "Warriors of Ravenswood" in Lincoln green hunting costume, and the tombs of Edgardo's fathers under a marble colonnade—to give the necessary local colour.
Good house on Saturday for Robert the Devil,—not our "ROBERT" the Waiter. But Signor LAGO must not be satisfied with things as they are.
PROGRESS—FIN DE SIÈCLE!
1891. Vessels laid up by the Shipping Federation.
1892. The Railway Union decide to stop all traffic until labour is cheaper.
1893. The United Cooperative Stores secure monopoly of Trade, and then close until better times.
1894. Army and Navy disbanded, join the Burglar Association, of which the Police are now members.
1895. Publication of newspapers throughout the civilised world, suspended.
1896. Universal redistribution of land, and personal property.
1897. Conversion of every public building on the Four Quarters of the Globe into a refuge for the indigent.
1898. Strike of the Butchers, the Bakers and the Candlestick-makers.
1899. Strike of the Doctors, and the Undertakers—Fin de Siècle!
1900. Strike of the Lawyers—Fin du Monde!
THE SPREAD OF CULTURE DOWNWARDS.
Jones (to Mrs. J.). "ESKIR VOO NE PONXAY PÂH KER LA NOOVELLE FUM-DE-SHOMB AYT EXTRARDINAIRMONG JOLEE?"
Mrs. J. (who is over-considerate of her Servants). "WEE—MAIS IL NE FO PÂH PARLY FRONXAY DEVONG LEY DOMESTEEK; CE N'AY PÂH POLEE, VOO SAVVY!"
The New Scotch Housemaid. "OH, MONSIEUR, QUANT À ÇA, CE N'EST PAS LA PEINE DE VOUS GÊNER DEVANT MOI. JE COMPRENDS ASSEZ BIEN LE FRANÇAIS!"
TIPPERARY JUNCTION.
JOHN MORLEY sings:—
AIR—"Tipperary."
Oh, politics puzzle, and partisans vary,
In holiday autumn on Albion's shore;
But och! there's good business in New Tipperary,
So to take a look round I will take a run o'er.
Prince ARTHUR looks proud, but his policy's poor—
No doubt, he'd be happy to show me the door;
But the Paddies will welcome an English grandee—
They've had SHAW-LEFEVRE, they'd rather have me!
So I laugh at all fears of things going contrairey
(She loves me, does ERIN, the shamrock-gowned fairy),
I'm sure there's good business in New Tipperary!
In New Tipperary!
ARTHUR BALFOUR sings:—
AIR—"Off to Philadelphia."
Faith! JOHN MORLEY thinks he's leary,
And he's off to Tipperary;
My policy he thinks he'll be a thorn in;
But before he comes away
He will find to spoil my play
He must get up very early in the mornin'.
Wid his bundle on his shoulder,
He thinks no man could look boulder,
And he's lavin' for Auld Ireland widout warnin'.
For he lately took the notion
For to cross the briny ocean,
And to start for Tipperary in the mornin'.
JOHN MORLEY sings:—
AIR—"Tipperary."
By St. Pathrick, I've hit on the thing I was after
(Good luck, MORLEY dear, says O'BRIEN to me)
My tale BALFOUR bould, will be no case for laughter,
I'll leave ye no leg for to stand on, ye'll see.
Of course you will say that my story's not true,
But who will belave such a fellow as you?
By Jingo, I've something to talk about now!
I'll make ye to sit up and snort, that I vow!
I'll give ye the facts, ye can't prove the contrairey.
My story and CADDELL's will probably vary,
But I've found good business in New Tipperary!
In New Tipperary!
ARTHUR BALFOUR sings.—
AIR—"Off to Philadelphia."
When they tould me I must shpake a pace,
I tried to kape a cheerful face,
Though obvious lack of matther I was mournin'!
But, oh sombre-faced JOHN MORLEY!
Ye desired to help me surely,
When ye went for Tipperary widout warnin'!
Though your tale could scarce be boulder,
Yet my hits straight from the shoulder
Will make ye mourn the hour that ye were born in.
And I think ye'll have a notion
Ye were wrong to cross the ocean,
And raise rucktions in ould Ireland in the mornin'!
JOHN MORLEY sings:—
AIR—"Tipperary."
I may yet have to sail o'er the blue seas to-morrow,
Once more sail away to the Isle o' the West,
They yet may subpoena me, much to my sorrow,
And then my strange tale will be put to the test.
But BALFOUR shall find, when once more I come back,
Of matter for speeches I shall have no lack.
O'BRIEN and DILLON from judgment have flown,
But with BALFOUR, I fancy, I'll still hold my own.
That flight in the boat was a funny vagary,
But the picture I'll paint will make SALISBURY scary,
And set the bells ringing in New Tipperary!
In New Tipperary!
TIPPERARY JUNCTION.
RIGHT HON. A.B. "BLESS JOHN MORLEY,—NOW I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!"
RIGHT HON. J.M. "BLESS ARTHUR BALFOUR,—NOW I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT!"
TO ENGELBERG AND BACK.
Being a few Notes taken en route in search of a Perfect Cure.
"Oh! he's ever so much better. Why he only had two stumbles, and one cropper, doing his three hundred yards this morning. That beats the record, anyhow."
Young JERRYMAN is describing the effect the Engelberg air is already having on the Dilapidated One to several people, who have either been invalided themselves, or have had invalid relatives, or met, seen, or heard of invalids who have had similar satisfactory experiences.
"You know, I think the dining has a great deal to do with the beneficent effects of the place," remarked, meekly, a mild-mannered Clergyman, who, had been brought up here apparently to "get tone." "You can't sit down to table with three hundred people," he continued, meditatively; as if the