only smiled at one another, elevated their eyebrows, then winked, and laughed.

What is their little game?

No matter. I will lie low. My motto is "Diamonds are trumps." I'm not here as Aladdin for nothing. "Aha!" as the old melodramatic villain used to say, "a time will come! No mattar!"

RATHER CURRIE-OUS!

I don't know whether it is owing to my voyage in a DONALD CURRIE steamer—'twas the first opportunity that ever I had of tasting a DONALD CURRIE, and excellent it is, as of course, was all our "board" on board—(send this joke to WOLFFY—he'll work it up and make a real impromptu sparkler of it—and I don't grudge him the kudos of it, not one little bit)—or to the change of air, but I am bound to say openly that I do think the G.O.M. has been right about most things, especially about Majuba (who was Pa JUBA? Send this to DRUMMY WOLFFY), and—well, I shall have more to say on this subject. If this meets the eye of any friendly person, will he kindly remember me to my Uncle? Thanks. That's the ticket. More anon.

ROBERT ON THE HEMPERER'S WISIT TO THE CITY.

The pore owerworked Committee has gone and got thereselves into a nice mess, and all by their kindness in wanting to let as many people as possibel see the grate show on Friday. They has acshally bin and ordered a grate bilding with rows of seats, out in Gildhall Yard, enuff to hold about a thousand Ladies and Gentlemen, all in their best close, with capital views of ewerybody and ewerythink, and now they are told that it won't be posserbel not to give em nothing to heat or to drink, tho' they must set there quite quiet for at least three hours! I wunder what they will all think of Copperashun Horspitality after that!

I'm told as one werry respectable but ancient Deputy acshally surgested, that after the Hemperer and Hempress and their sweet had all gone home, all the whole thousand starving wisitors should be turned into Gildhall and allowed to eat and drink all the fragments as was left. Yes, Mr. Deputy, all wery kind and thortful of you as regards the harf-starved wisitors, but how about us Waiters? You, with all your experience, ewidentally don't know the wally of what such eminent Swells as Hemperers and Hempresses leaves on their plates, and the skrambel for 'em drectly as they leaves. Why, I have acshally seen with my own estonished eyes, a lady, after enquiring of me which chair a sutten elustreous person had set in, stoop down and kiss its harm, wich was nex to kissin his hand, and then give harf-a-crown for harf a happel as was left on the plate! Ah, that's what I calls true loyalty, and werry much it is admired by all of us.

I hunderstands as the Government, wanting to estonish the Hemperer, has lent the City a reglar army of troops to stand on both sides of the Streets from Buckinham Pallis all the way to Gildhall. And in case the estonishing site shood make him feel just a leetle dazed, the jolly old Copperashun has bin and gone and hired no less than three Millingterry Bands of Music to play to him, and cheer him up.

There was a talk of engaging all the many German Bands, as makes our streets so musical, to give the Hemperer a serrynade at Lunch; but Mr. WEST HILL, of the Gildhall Skool of Music, thort it might be too much for His Madjesty's feelinx, so the highdear was given up. I werily bleeves that of all the many anxious buzzoms as is a beating with suppressed emotion for next Friday, the carmest and the all serenest of the lot is that of ROBERT.

"A BOOK OF BURLESQUE."

LIBERTY AND LICENCE.—It is said that The Maske of Flowers would never have drawn gold on Monday last to the coffers of that excellent charity, the Convalescent Home at Westgate-on-Sea had not one of the Prominent Performers consented to become the responsible and actual Manager of the "Theatre Royal, Inner Temple." By the terms of his licence he was bound, amongst other things, to see that no smoking was permitted in the auditorium, no exhibition of wild beasts was allowed on the premises, and no hanging took place from the flies. It is satisfactory to learn (that, in spite of many Benchers being present) none of these wholesome regulations were infringed. It is true that the Music of the Maske was duly executed, but then this painful operation was conducted (by Mr. PRENDERGAST) from the floor of the building, and not from its roof. Thus the orders of the LORD CHAMBERLAIN were strictly observed by a Barrister, who can now claim to have been Manager of a genuine Temple of the Drama.

A REMINDER.—Mr. EDMUND B.V. CHRISTIAN, in Baily's Magazine, quoted by the P.M.G. last Thursday, complains "that cricket, the most popular of games, fills so small a space in literature." Does he forget that CHARLES DICKENS devoted one entire Christmas Book to The Cricket on the Hearth?

LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS.

No. I.—TO SOCIAL AMBITION.

DEAR SIR, OR MADAM,

I trust you will observe and appreciate the discreet ambiguity of style with which I have chosen to address you. I may assure you at once that I have done this not without considerable thought. For, though I have often watched you in the exercise of your energies, I have never yet been able to satisfy myself as to whether I ought to class you amongst our rougher sex, or include you in the ranks of those who wear high heels, and very low dresses. Sometimes you fix your place of business in a breast adequately covered by a stiff and shining shirt-front and a well-cut waistcoat. Sometimes you inhabit the expansive bosom of a matron. Nor do you confine yourself to one class alone out of the many that go to the composition of our social life. You have impelled grocers to ludicrous pitches of absurdity; you have driven the wife of a working-man to distraction because her neighbour's front room possesses a more expensive carpet, of a sprucer pattern than her own. Clerks have suffered acutely from your stings, and actresses have spent many a sleepless night under your malign influence. You have tortured Dukes on the peaks of gracious splendour where they sit enthroned as far above common mortals as they ought to be above the common feeling of envy; and you have caused even Queens to writhe because there happened to be a few stray Empresses in the world.

On the whole, then, I think I do wisely in leaving the question of your sex a doubtful one. You would wish it so left yourself, otherwise so powerful a personality as yours would, I am certain, have revealed itself with greater clearness to an honest investigator, such as I humbly trust I have proved myself. But, be that as it may, I can assert with perfect confidence that you are no respecter of persons, though it must, in fairness, be added, that one of your chief functions seems to be to implant an exaggerated respect and