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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 28, 1891
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
by a Case at the London Sessions.)
And did you not hear of a jolly young Waterman,
Who on the river his wherry did ply?
When rowing along with great skill and dexterity,
A Cask of Madeira it caught his pleased eye.
It looked so nice, he rowed up steadily,
Transferred that cask to his boat right readily;
And he eyed the dear drink with so eager an air,
For the name on the cask not a jot did he care.
When smart EDDARD SAILL got that cask in his wherry,
He cleaned it out—partly—with swiggings not small,
And with his companions—what wonder?—made merry;
Madeira's a wine that's not tippled by all.
One fancies one hears 'em a laughing and cheering,
Says EDDARD, "My boys, this is better than beering!
A Waterman's life would be free from all care
If he often dropped on treasure trove like that there."
And yet but to think now how strangely things happen!
They copped him for "larceny by finding,"—that's all!
But SAILL couldn't read, and the jury was kindly,
So EDDARD got off, though his chance appeared small.
Now would this young Waterman keep out of sorrow,
No derelict casks let him—shall we say, borrow?
Madeira is nice, but you'd best have a care,
Before swigging the wine, that it's yours fair and square!
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
The Childhood and Youth of Dickens, a sort of short postscript to FORSTER's Life, very well got up by its publishers HUTCHINSON & Co., will interest those who for the third or fourth time are going through a course of DICKENS.
The Baron is an amateur of pocket-books and note-books. The best pocket-book must contain a calendar-diary, and as little printed matter, and as much space for notes, as possible. No pocket-book is perfect without some sort of patent pencil, of which the writing-metal, when used on a damp surface, will serve as well as do pen and ink on ordinary paper. Such a pocket-book with such a pencil the Baron has long had in use, the product of JOHN WALKER & Co., of Farringdon House. It should be called The Walker Pocket-book, or Pedestrian's Companion; for, as "He who runs may read," so, with this handy combination, "He who walks may write." The Baron is led to mention this à propos of a novelty by T.J. SMITH AND DOWNES, called The Self-registering Pocket Note-book, a very neat invention, quâ Note-book only, but of which only one size has the invaluable patent pencil. The ordinary pencil entails carrying a knife, and, though this is good for the cutler—"I know that man, he comes from Sheffield"—yet it is a defect which is a constant source of worry to the ordinary note-taker. Otherwise, Messrs. SMITH AND DOWNES' artfulness in making the pencil serve as a marker, so that the latest note can at once be found, is decidedly ingenious, and may probably be found most useful. Experientia docet: Baronius tentabit.
While on the subject of pocket-books, the Baron must thank Messrs. CASSELL & Co. for the pocket volumes of the National Library edited by HENRY MORLEY, and ventures to recommend as a real travelling companion, Essays, Civil and Moral, by Francis Bacon. In the eighteenth Essay "Of Travel," the chief Diarists, "LETTS AND SON," might find a motto for their publications. The Baron directs their attention to this side of BACON from which this is a slice,—"Let Diaries, therefore, be brought in use." A new reading for advertising purposes would change "Let" into "Letts," or Letts could be interpolated in brackets. "A cheeky way of treating BACON," says the Baron's friend little FUNNIMAN (Author of Funniman's Poor Jokes); but, if nothing worse than this can be said against the Baron's suggestion, why, "Letts adopt it," says
MOMENTS WHEN LIFE IS REALLY WORTH LIVING.
PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.
"In the words of the Postmaster-General, spoken yesterday (March 18th) from his room in St. Martin's-le-Grand, and distinctly heard by the head of a corresponding department in Paris, the triumph of the International Telephone is an accomplished fact."—Daily News.
HALLO!—are you there? That's the cue international,
Henceforth we'll hope, and we trust it may lead
To colloquies pleasant, relations more rational.
May "saucers" and tubes telephonic succeed
In setting the world "by the ears," in a fashion
Not meant by the men who invented that phrase.
May nail-biting nagging and rancorous passion
Die out, like a craze!
Why, bless us, and save us! We ought to behave us
A little bit better for all our new light.
From incurable savagery nothing can save us
If Science can't cool down our fondness for fight.
With so many chances of "talking things over,"
Like comrades in council, across the broad sea,
Nations ought to be nice, as a girl and her lover
At five o'clock tea!
Eh? Vox et præterea nihil? What matter
How close ears may seem if the hearts are apart?
Humph! Nothing go easy as cynical chatter;
Distrust's diplomatic, and satire sounds "smart."
But, as RAIKES suggests, there is something in hearing
The "great human voice" o'er some three hundred miles,
In spite of the scorn that's so given to sneering,
The hate that reviles.
One wonders what TALLEYRAND, subtle old schemer!
Would think of the Telephone were he alive.
Wits sniff at the savant, and mock at the dreamer,
Who else, though, so hard for humanity strive?
BELLONA's sworn backers are woefully numerous;
Peace, let us pray, may claim this as her friend;
The "Sentiment" flouted by swashbucklers humorous
Sways, at the end.
If language was given our thoughts for concealing,
The Telephone—'tis but a travelling Voice!—
Need not be the agent of reckless revealing,
And caution must often be candour's wise choice.
Unwisdom is sure to be sometimes caught napping,
And tongues may wag foolishly e'en through the wire.
Facilities freer for summary snapping
No sage can desire.
Great diplomats, proud of their "able dispatches,"
From trusting the tube with their wisdom may shrink.
The brain that in secret shrewd policies hatches,
May not care to canvas 'cute schemes "o'er a drink."
Yet