أنت هنا
قراءة كتاب Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, March 26, 1892
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
of £100 to any individual, or to be divided between such individuals, as may guess it. The story is in effect about a youth who lost his right eye in fighting another boy, and who subsequently revenged himself by depriving his antagonist of an eye by a violent stroke at Lawn-tennis. What can be the title? The Baron has had the following suggestions made to him:—"Eye for an Eye," "The Egotist," "My Eye!" "Aye! aye!" "Ocular Demonstration," "A Man of One Eye-dear!" "Eyes Righted," "One Left," "The Other Eye," "Two Pupils and One Eye," "You and Eye," "The Eyes Have It." The Baron "winks the other eye," and will be very glad should any hint of his have assisted a deserving person to gain the reward offered by Mr. TUER. En attendant the Baron has hit upon a still more novel idea. He will write some contributions towards short stories, and his readers shall finish them. The terms will be these:—The Baron commences a chapter, or a few lines of it, and leaves it unfinished, then his readers shall finish the sentence, and sometimes the chapter, for themselves. If the sentence, or the chapter, as the case may be, shall turn out to be exactly what the Baron would have written had he continued it, then he, the Baron, will award £100 to the successful candidate, or will award a division of that sum among the successful candidates. Every competitor shall pay the Baron £50. And to insure such payment, each competitor's cheque for this amount must accompany his or her contribution.
EXAMPLE.—CHAPTER I.—The harvest-moon was slowly rising. The heather, dried and burnt by the mid-day sun, appeared, to the eye unaccustomed to this aspect of the country, to be merely a rugged divergence from the main road. Descending carefully from his dog-cart, a small man in a big coat, muffled up to the eyes, proceeded leisurely to—
Now, then, what did he leisurely proceed to do? There's a fortune in it!—somewhere!—says
STUDIES IN ANIMAL LIFE.
THE GOORMONG. (Epicuri de Grege Porcus. British Isles.)
Mr. Huggins. "WHAT A 'EAVENLY DINNER IT WAS!"
Mr. Buggins. "B'LIEVE YER! MYKES YER WISH YER WAS BORN 'OLLER!"
SPRING TIME IN LEAP YEAR;
OR, THE JOLLY BATHERS.
First Jolly Bather (singing, quaveringly):—
Spring's delights are now revi-i-i-vi-i-i-ng,
Verdant leaflets deck each spr-a-ay!
Second Jolly Bather (impatiently). Don't, ARTHUR, make that row! B-r-r-r! (Shivers.) Spring's delights, indeed! And as to the "verdant leaflets" (unless you mean election squibs), where are they?
First Ditto. Ah, "verdant leaflets" not a bad name for Financial Reform tracts, et id genus omne. Touch of your old satirical Saturday-Reviewish style there, Nunky!
Second Ditto (hastily). Oh, bother! What are we here for?
First Ditto (coolly). Why, to bathe, I presume.
Second Ditto. Bah! One would think, ARTHUR, we belonged to that society of lunatics who make a point of taking a matutinal plunge in the Serpentine every morning, all the year round, even if they have to break the ice to do it! Ineffable idiots! [Curls up.
First Ditto. Well, we may as well put a good face on it, Uncle.
[Grimaces.
Second Ditto. Ah, yes, you can say so—at your age, ARTHUR. I like my morning tub in my bath-room—with the chill off.
[Wraps his towel round his neck.
First Ditto. (Sings again, tremolo):—
Why linger shivering on the brink,
And fear to launch away?
Second Ditto (sharply). Why, you're at it again, ARTHUR! And a Conventicler's hymn, too, this time. I'm a-a-shamed of you.
First Ditto. Ah! that's what LABOUCHERE, O'KELLY, CONYBEARE, and Company say! I don't mind; in fact, as I told 'em, I rather like it. Does me a world of good.
Second Ditto (admiringly). Ah! you have got a nerve, ARTHUR. I will say that for you. Still, you've been giving them something to "guy" you about lately, you know.
First Ditto (sharply). Ah! have I? Well, "I can assure you that I am the last person in the world to object to a process from which I have profited so much."
Second Ditto. Oh, yes, that was all very well for them, over yonder. In fact, I own it was rather neatly put.
First Ditto (slily). Didn't "lack finish," was sufficiently "ad unguem," eh, Nunky?
Second Ditto (moodily). Ah! what do you youngsters know about those fine old fighting days? I didn't love DIZZY, but he was a neat hand with the foils, boy.
First Ditto. Especially in a bout with a friend,—with the buttons off. But I say, this isn't bathing, you know!
Second Ditto. No. (Eyeing the stream distastefully.) Hadn't we better postpone the pleasure till a little later in the season, ARTHUR. When those "Spring's delights" of which you melodiously twangle are a leetle more en évidence.
First Ditto (pipes). Hawthorn buds give joyful tidings.
Welcome, youths, 'tis bright bath-day!
Second Ditto. Ah! if we're here to do the Eclogue business, STREPHON can take his turn, as well as CORYDON. [Sings.
Let us plunge into the ri-i-i-v-e-e-r!
Leave our vesture on the bank!
First Ditto. Bless me, STREPHON, how you shi-i-v-e-e-r!
Second Ditto. 'Tis like a fishmonger's tank!
First Ditto. Pooh! 'tis lovely—when you're in it;
One bold header, and 'tis done!
Second Ditto. Ah, quite so, but—wait a minute,
Till I've warmed me with a run.
That will stir my circulation;
For the moment I am "friz."
First Ditto. Magnifique! my dear relation;
But, you'll own, it is not "biz."
Both. We must o-o-o-ow-n it is not "biz!"
Second Ditto. Well, no, I suppose it isn't, ARTHUR. By the way, what's that row behind there?
First Ditto. (looking). By Jove! it's that Gladstone gang! They've tracked us! (Sings)—
They're after us! They're after us!
We're the individuals they require.
Second Ditto. (sardonically). What a lyric répertoire you have, ARTHUR! Old English glee, Puritan psalmody. Music-hall song, all come equally well to you, it seems. But those roughs mean mischief, Nephew mine!
SPRING TIME IN LEAP YEAR.
SALISBURY. "DON'T YOU THINK, NEPHEW ARTHUR, WE'D BETTER PLUNGE—BEFORE WE'RE PUSHED?"
First Ditto. Doubtless! They always do. And they've done some lately, drat them! I say, wouldn't they like to