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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, March 7, 1917
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
rain."
"It's the hen-house," said the black hen. "Whenever the roof drips there is rain."
"It is certainly the hen-house," said all the hens.
"It comes from the trees," said the turkey. "The leaves drip and then there is rain, and the more they drip the heavier it rains."
"It is my kennel," chuckled Bruno, the wise old dog. "The more it leaks the more it rains."
At that very moment it began to rain in torrents.
"The pond is full," quacked the ducks. "Look at the pond."
"Oh, do look at the hen-house roof—dripping!" shrieked the hens.
"The leaves—look at the leaves," gurgled the turkeys.
"And my kennel leaks. I can feel it on my back," chuckled Bruno.
"The barometer has gone down," said the guinea-fowl.
But no one took any notice of her—quite properly.
The Housing Problem.
"Three chicken coops, also pigeon-house, for pole; suitable for lady."—The Lady.
The Open-Air Cure.
"The Telegraaf learns from its correspondent at the frontier that on yesterday (Monday) afternoon a fresh air attack was made on Zeebrugge."—Morning Post.
A pleasant change from stuffy shells.
THE ETERNAL FEMININE.
"THAT SHADE. WOULDN'T 'ALF SUIT ME."
"LOR LUMMY, LIL! WOT TISTE—AN' YOU A BLONDE!"
THE SONG OF THE MILL.
[Most of our water-mills have fallen into decay and disuse owing to the unsuitability of their machinery to grind imported grain. Will the revival of English grain production bring about a renewal of their usefulness?]
As by the pool I wandered that lies so clear and still
With tall old trees about it, hard by the silent mill
Whose ancient oaken timbers no longer creak and groan
With roar of wheel and water, and grind of stone on stone,
The idle mill-race slumbered beneath the mouldering wheel,
The pale March sunlight gilded no motes of floating meal,
But the stream went singing onward, went singing by the weir—
And this, or something like it, was the song I seemed to hear:—
"By Teviot, Tees and Avon, by Esk and Ure and Tweed,
Here's many a trusty henchman would rally to your need;
By Itchen, Test and Waveney, by Tamar, Trent and Ouse,
Here's many a loyal servant will help you if you choose.
"Do they no longer need us who needed us of yore?
We stood not still aforetime when England marched to war;
Like those our wind-driven brothers, far seen o'er weald and fen,
We ground the wheat and barley to feed stout Englishmen.
"You call the men of England, their strength, their toil, their gold,
But us you have not summoned, who served your sires of old;
For service high or humble, for tribute great and small,
You call them and they answer—but us you do not call.
"Yet we no hoarded fuel of mine or well require,
That drives your fleets to battle or lights the poor man's fire;
We need no white-hot furnace for tending night and day,
No power of harnessed lightnings to speed us on our way.
"By Tavy, Dart and Derwent, by Wharfe and Usk and Nidd,
Here's many a trusty vassal is yours when you shall bid,
With the strength of English rivers to push the wheels along
And the roar of many a mill-race to join the victory song."
C.F.S.
"The Berlin Municipality has issued the following order. 'Despite the present unfavourable conditions of production, it has become possible that from Friday this week one shss will be available for every citizen of Berlin,'"—Egyptian Gazette.
Judging by the mystery surrounding it we infer that "shss" must be some kind of sausage.
FOOD RESTRICTION.
SCENE: Hotel.
Little Girl. "OH, MUMMY! THEY'VE GIVEN ME A DIRTY PLATE."
Mother. "HUSH, DARLING. THAT'S THE SOUP."
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.
"MINSTREL BOY."—You are confusing TENNYSON'S "Brook" with the Tigris. Also it is the Turkish Army and not the river (which flows the other way) that is speaking in the famous lines—
"I come from haunts of Kut (return);
I make a sudden sally."
"ANXIOUS INQUIRER."—No, we are without reliable news of FERDIE. But it is rumoured that he is preparing to conform to the general movement of the Central Allied Powers, and is therefore taking a little gentle running exercise in the Vulpedrome at Vienna.
"V.T.C."—We rejoice with you that already—not more than 2½ years since the revival of the Volunteer Force—the War Office has recognised the desirability of giving the Volunteer a rifle to shoot with; and it now seems almost certain that he will receive one, free of charge, before the conclusion of peace. We welcome this wise and generous decision, for though we have never pretended to be a military authority we have always held the view that in a tight corner a man with a rifle has an appreciable advantage over an unarmed man.
"FORTUNE-TELLER."—Like you, we are greatly impressed by the convincing arguments advanced by our military experts in support of the view that the Germans are likely to put forth a great effort this year at some point on one of their fronts; and we share your belief that the time has come when the Government should supply a long-felt want by establishing a Department of Intelligent Anticipation. It is a happy suggestion of yours to offer, for a reasonable consideration, to place at the disposal of such a Department your admirably-equipped premises in Bond Street.
"SCHNAPPS."—The correct version is:—
"In the matter of U-Boats the fault of the Dutch
Is protesting too little and standing too much."
"CARILLON."—You ask how the Germans will manage for their joy-peals now that the military authorities have commandeered the church bells. It was very bright of you to think of this. The answer is that, in view of pressing national needs, they are going to give up having victories. After all, this is an age of sacrifice. EDITOR.
Commercial Candour.
"Abandon housekeeping and live in comfort at the hotel ———.
Not too large to give the best of service, and not too small to be uncomfortable."—Morning Paper.
We feel it to be our patriotic duty to call the attention of the FOOD CONTROLLER to the conduct of a well-known restaurant which blatantly describes itself on a bill of fare as
"THE GORGE AND VULTURE."
"Women lamplighters will shortly be seen in the submarine districts of London."—Bradford Daily