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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, August 27, 1892
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me!
The Showman (after extinguishing the Head, which is giggling helplessly, in the Mask). Now this other, young Lady, Mlle. SCINTILLA, known to her friends as "SPARKS," is equally wonderful in her way. It may surprise you when I inform you—(here he puts his arm affectionately round the Sibyl's neck)—that, beautiful as she is, she has never been kissed in her whole life!
The C.C. (with chivalrous indignation). What? Ere, if that's all!—
[He intimates, in pantomime, his perfect readiness to repair this omission at once.
The Showman. This is owing to the fact that she is impregnated with electricity to such an extraordinary degree, that any contact with her lips will produce a shock which would probably prove fatal!
The C.C. Oh, where is that friend o' mine? (To the Sibyl.) I come out without my lightnin' conductor this evenin', Miss; but I've got a friend somewhere in 'ere as 'll be 'appy to represent me.
[The Tall Nonentity tries to efface himself, but is relieved to find that the Sibyl does not take the offer seriously.
The Showman. As a proof that I am not speaking without foundation, this young lady will allow you to feel her hands, when you will at once become aware of the electric current. [The Sibyl leans across the barrier, and tenders a decidedly pretty palm for public pressure, but there is the usual reluctance at first to embrace the opportunity. At length a seeker after truth grasps the hand, and reports that he "can feel a somethink," whereupon his example is followed by the others, including the C.C., who, finding the sensation agreeable, pretends to be electrified to such an extent that he is unable to let go—which concludes the entertainment.
Spectators (departing). She may have 'ad one o' them galvanic belts on for all you can tell. But, mind yer, there's a lot in it, all the same. Look at the way he brought smoke out o' them clays!
The C.C. (to his Friend.) That was a lark, JIM! But look 'ere—don't you go tellin' the Missus; she ain't on the Me'atmer lay—not much, she ain't!
HONOURS EASY.
Sir E.L. (gaily). "BARONETTED? OF COURSE, MY BOY—RIGHT THING TO DO! THANKS. TA-TA!" [Careers away, to keep up his circulation.
Mr. P. "AND YOU, MR. LABBY?"
H.L. (languidly). "OH—AH—AS FOR ME—I'M OUT OF IT—THAT'S THE TRUTH."
WOT CHER, LABBY?
["Mr. LABOUCHERE, so he says, has come to London to enjoy the smiles of the new Ministry."—Morning Paper.]
Enjoy them, dear LABBY, smile back, if you can—
Though your lip has a curl that portends something sinister—
It is painful, I take it, to flash in the pan,
While a rival goes off with a bang as a Minister.
But you (you're a cynic, that's one of the ways,
And by no means the worst, to get credit for kindness),
You can smile at this struggle for titles and praise,
You can laugh at your friends while you envy their blindness.
A time, so I fancy you saying, will come;
They are not done with LABBY, for all their sweet smiling;
And they're vastly mistaken who think he'll be dumb,
Or abandon his amiable habit of riling.
"GREAT SCOTT!"—Mr. Punch's congratulations to the new Bart. of Scott's Bank, Cavendish Square, with the classic name of HORACE. His friends will be able to adapt MACAULAY's lines, and tell—
"How well HORATIUS kept the Bank,
In the brave days of old."
Of course, be it understood that "keeping the Bank" has nothing whatever to do with Monte Carlo, or with any game of speculation. Ad multos annos! And to adapt again—
"On HORACE's head Honours accumulate!"
BALFOUR AND SALISBURY.—The late Government couldn't help having a good dash of spirit in it, seeing it was a "B. and S." mixture. Now, "B. and S."—off! Vide Mr. Punch's Cartoon this week.
NEVER SATISFIED.
Grumpy Husband. "HOW BADLY INFORMED NEWSPAPERS ARE! WHY, HERE THEY SAY, 'SIR THOMAS GRIMSBY ENTERTAINED US AND A NUMBER OF OTHERS AT DINNER LAST NIGHT!' ENTERTAINED! WHY, I NEVER WAS SO BORED IN MY LIFE!"
IN OFFICE WITH THE LABOUR VOTE.
(How to deal with an Awkward Matter, according to Precedent.)
SCENE—A Smoking-Room and Lounge. Eminent Statesman discovered filling a pipe. Private Secretary in attendance.
Em. S. Now I think all's ready to begin. Mind, my lad, and have the tea and decanters in readiness when I ring for them. Enough chairs?
Pri. Sec. Only half-a-dozen expected, Sir; so I thought if I got six that would be enough.
Em. S. Quite so. And now, my dear fellow, show in the Deputation.
[Private Secretary opens door, when enter several Workmen in their Sunday best, headed by Fussy M.P.
Fussy M.P. (with effusion). My dear Sir, this is a great pleasure. I hope I see you well. (Shakes the hand of Eminent Statesman with profuse cordiality.) And now, if you will allow me, I will introduce these Delegates. It would have pleased them better if they could have had an Autumn Session, but they are quite prepared to be satisfied with an interview, as it is in the Recess. (Speaking in the soft tones of the House at Westminster.) Sir! My Right Hon. Friend! It is my privilege as well as my duty—a most pleasant one—to introduce what I may aptly declare to be the most representative body of men it has ever been my good fortune to meet. I, my dear Sir—
Em. S. (interrupting). Thank you very much, but I fancy we can get on better by talking it over quietly. It's very hot, so if you don't mind, I will take off my coat and sit in my shirt-sleeves.
[Removes his coat.
Fussy. M.P. (taken aback). My dear Sir!
Members of the Deputation. Thankee, Sir! We'll follow suit.
[They remove their coats.
Em. S. Now you would like to smoke? Well, my Private Secretary will hand round cigars, cigarettes, and tobacco. Don't be shy, Consider my house Liberty Hall. Well, tell me—what's it all about?
First Mem. of