Homer.

Tuesday, April 26. 1720.

The Writer who attempts either to divert, or instruct the Town, has, perhaps, a worse Chance of succeeding now, than in any Age before. The Conversation of the World is changed, Gaiety and Mirth are banished from Society, and the buisy Affair of Avarice has taken up the Thoughts of every Company; if a Man in a Coffee-House takes up a News-Paper, the first Thing he turns to is the Price of the Stocks; if he looks over the Advertisements, it is in Quest of some new Project; when he has finished his Enquiry, and mixes in Conversation, you hear him expatiate upon the Advantage of some favourite Project, or curse his Stars for missing the lucky Moment of buying as he intended at the Rise of the South-Sea. Another complains of the Roguery of some Broker or Director, whom he intrusted; this I have heard canvass'd over and over, with so many Aggravations of Meanness and Knavery against each other, that, I confess, I shall never see a poor Malefactor go to suffer Death for robbing another of ten Pounds upon the High-Way, but I shall look with Compassion on his Condition, and perhaps reflect secretly upon the Partiality of publick Justice. I know so many little infamous Frauds, so many Breaches of Honour, and Friendship, in the Conduct of these Persons, that I should think it a Piece of Justice to expose them, could I imagine it would bring them to Shame or Amendment; but I shall leave them to work their Way to Wealth and Contempt, which I presume they will be very well contented with; nor envy any Man the Merit of his Poverty and good Nature. But I cannot forbear admiring the Nature of Projects, and by what furious Impulse Mankind is carried into them: No Person asks the Question, whether they be for the Good of the Nation; for, it seems to me, that no Man cares, provided he gets by them himself.

We use our Country like our Step-Mother, we have no natural Affection for her, we are Foreigners to her Blood, and when we have sucked her dry, we make no Returns of Gratitude in her Necessities, but turn her loose to shift for her self; I think this the Case, if you consider the Condition of a rising Project, which every Man that's concerned in, intends to get out of, and declares he will not trust too long.

I have very little Capacity, or Inclination, to argue upon this Subject; and being a little indolent withal, I shall take the Liberty of entertaining to Day with a Story, that lies ready at my elbow; and which I declare before-hand, has no significant Meaning in it, that I know of: If the Sagacity of my Readers can make more of it than my self, in God's Name, let them please themselves with the Application.

There is a small Island on the Coast of Denmark, in which there are five Towns; the Lord of this Place was very poor, rather because he coveted much, than that he wanted any Thing. God has afflicted the Inhabitants with a general Inclination in them all to be Projectors, so that the Land seemed to be infested with as many Monsters as there were Men: So prodigious was the natural Proneness to projecting in that Country, that the very sucking Babes cried out Project, before they could say Papa or Mamma; the whole island was a confused Chaos, for Man and Wife, Father and Son, Neighbour and Neighbor, were ever jangling about their Projects, and they were as intoxicated with them as if they had been drunk with Wine. The Lord of this Place ordered a general Examination of all Projects. Legions of Projectors assembled before his Palace with Skrips and Scrolls of Paper stuck in their Girdles, run through their Button-holes, and peeping through their Pockets. The Lord having made known his Wants, demanded their Assistance; and they all at once laying hold of their Papers, and crowding till they had almost stifled one another, in an Instant heap'd up four Tables with their Memoirs. The first Paper he cast his Eyes on was, How to raise an unmeasurable Treasure by Subscription of all that Men are worth, and yet inrich them by taking it away. The first Part, quoth the Lord, of taking from all Men, I like; but as to the second, which is to inrich them by taking it away, I am dubious of, yet let them look to that. He looked over a Multitude of others. In the mean Time the Projectors quarrelled, each approving his own Scheme, and condemning the rest; and they grew so Scurrilous, they called one another Sons of Projectors instead of Sons of Whores. The Lord commanded Peace, and being tempted with their Offers, receiv'd and allow'd several of their Proposals: Whereupon they all swore they would stand by him in all Extremities. A few Days after, the Lord's Servants came out, and cried the Palace was on Fire in three several Places, and the Wind blew high. The Lord was in a great Consternation; the Projectors gathered about him, bid him sit still, and be easy, and they would set all to Rights in a Moment; Upon which they fell to Work, and laid their Hands on all they found in the House, casting every Thing of Value out at the Windows; others with Sledges threw down a Tower; others cried the Fire would cease, as soon as it had Vent, and fell to unroofing the House; and so destroy'd the whole Structure they were called to save. None endeavoured to extinguish the Fire; they were all busy in confounding every Thing they could grasp. At length the Smoak decreased, and the Lord, going out, perceived that the common People had master'd the Fire, while the Projectors had demolished his Palace, and destroyed his Furniture: Incens'd and raging at this Sight, he cried out, Rogues, you are worse than the Fire, and so are all your Projects; it were better I had been burnt, than to have given Ear to your destructive Counsels. You overturn a whole House, least a Corner of it should fall; you feed a Prince with his own Limbs, and pretend to maintain him, when he is devouring himself. Villains, justly did the Fire come to burn me, for suffering you to live; but, when it perceived me in the Power of Projectors, it ceased, concluding I was already consumed. Fire is the most merciful of Projectors, for Water quenches it; but you increase in spight of all the Elements. Princes may be poor; but when they once have to do with Projectors, they cease to be Princes, to avoid being poor.

* * * * *

Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the Angel in Pater-Noster-Row, where
Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in.

Numb. XXII

THE

THEATRE.

By Sir JOHN FALSTAFFE.

To be Continued every Tuesday and Saturday.

Price Two-pence.

Quos Jupiter vult perdere, dementat prius.

Saturday, April 30. 1720.

It is common with Authors of my Rank to give themselves Airs of Consequence, when they assume a Right of correcting, or reforming, the Vices, or Follies of the Age. The late Sir John Edgar, of obscure Memory, pretended to define a Sort of Men whom he called wrong-headed, and has told two or three Stories by Way of Examples, from whence he wou'd have you think, that a Slip of Memory, is an Error in Judgment; as you may see in his Instance of the Foot Soldier, who robbed the Gentleman, and forgetting that he had put the Things into his own Pockets, afterwards changed Coats with the Gentleman, and by that Means put him again in Possession of whatever he before had robbed him. Without any Malice to Sir John's Remaines, I shall beg Leave to observe, that the Term wrong-headed more properly belongs to him, who has an ill Turn of thinking, and judging, than to him who commits a careless Oversight, which is