the concluding sentence, Sir, you will observe that it begins: 'The blinds may be lifted in case of necessity!' (That, I need hardly say, is entirely my own. There is a sort of inspired swing in it, the true lyrical lilt with which even red-tape has not dared to tamper! But mark how they go on): 'when the train is at a standstill at a station, but, if lifted, they must be lowered again before the train starts.' And this insufferable bathos, forsooth, was substituted for lines like these:—

"Well," he concluded, "that is my case. But I can never put it before the public myself. My pride would not permit me. Though, if someone—yourself, for instance—would present my claims to redress—"

I couldn't help thinking that he had been hardly treated, and so I undertook to do what I could for him. He gave me his verses, also his name, which latter I have unfortunately forgotten. However, I hope I have redeemed my promise here in other respects.

There are times when I wonder uneasily whether he may not have been pulling my leg. But, after all, he could have had no possible object in doing that. Besides, if, the next time you travel by the L. & N.-W., you will study the printed instructions in your compartment, I fancy you will agree with me that they corroborate his statements to a rather remarkable extent.

F. A.

A Christmas Trifle.

"Some stale sponge cake is cut in slices less than an inch thick, and these are spread generously with jam and arranged on a crystal dish, blanched and chopped with Clara and Jo and all their young cousins."—The Bulletin.

THE RUSH TO SALONIKA.

Wilhelm and Franz Joseph. "FERDIE, THE POST OF HONOUR IS YOURS."

Ferdie. "YOU CAN HAVE IT."

Fair Hostess (entertaining wounded soldier). "And so one Jack Johnson buried you, and the next dug you up again and landed you on the top of a barn! Now, what were your feelings?"

Tommy. "If you'll believe me, Ma'am, I was never more surprised in all my life."

INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS.

It has come as an immense relief to all true lovers of peace to learn that such German soldiers as have been taking part in the war on the Italian frontier have previously resigned their positions in the Kaiser's army and been re-enrolled under the Austrian flag, so that no untoward incident may disturb the profound peace which exists between Germany and Italy. All the same there are elements of possible danger in the situation which should be carefully watched. We look forward to a time when our gallant ally may be confidently expected to advance on to German soil, and we think it would be well for the authorities at Rome (unless the invading host is provided with Montenegrin uniforms) to serve out beforehand a large number of tourist coupons, available over a wide choice of different routes. This might avert the terrible consequences that are likely to follow a breach of relations.

Of course it must be remembered that Italy has now signed on not to enter into a separate peace, and no doubt the only true economy is to make the present one go as far as possible, as it cannot be replaced. Still, since the sinking of the Ancona by a German crew (partially whitewashed so as to look like Austrians), Italy's neutrality has become of an extremely virulent order.

We need hardly say that President Wilson even on his honeymoon is closely watching the situation and thinking over it very deeply, very slowly and very calmly, hoping to discover hints for his own future guidance. It is said that he feels himself being drawn more and more into the vortex, and his attitude of passive belligerency may be followed by one of aggressive non-interference. It is common knowledge in Washington that if he can get no satisfaction on the Ancona question he will either despatch a new note (which will be almost an ultimatum) or simply pass on and declare war on Albania.

Portugal (as the ancient ally of Great Britain), who has already been involved in a scrap with German troops in Angola, is naturally deeply exercised as to what are her present relations with Turkey. The matter is an urgent one and might become crucial in the event of a Turkish Zeppelin drifting in a fog over Portuguese territory.

The King of Greece is said to have found a happy solution of his difficulty about a Bulgarian invasion of Greece. The incoming forces are to be provided with return tickets to Salonika and back, available only for forty-five days, and containing a stipulation that the traveller may not break his journey at any other point.

"FOR THIS RELIEF—"

(Suggested by the poster commending a recent Revue as "the last word in syncopation.")

CHARIVARIA.

Leap Year Anticipations.—A fine spring is expected in France, Flanders and Poland. If the weather is propitious a total eclipse will be visible in Berlin and Vienna.

Asked by some American journalists where the Peace Conference would be held, Dr. Sven Hedin is reported to have said, "Peace will be dictated from Berlin." And so say all of us!

Relations between Potsdam and Sofia are said to be badly strained. Three days after the Kaiser had issued his celebrated manifesto, "To my noble and heroic Serbian people," Ferdinand in the Sobranje was publicly denouncing the Serbians as obstinate, treacherous, and tyrannical. The Kaiser considers this conduct extremely tactless, and threatens, if it continues, to spell Bulgarian with a "V."

All hitherto-published explanations of the threatened German attack on the Suez Canal are hereby cancelled. The fact is that the