a gentleman. Then he dipt his fist into the middle of the great custard that stood before his left-hand neighbour, & daubed his hungry beard all over with it, till you would have taken him for the Last Day in December it so hung in icicles.

At another part of the table, Shrove Tuesday was helping the Second of September to some cock broth,—

which courtesy the latter returned with the delicate thigh of a hen pheasant—so there was no love lost for that matter.

The Last of Lent was spunging upon Shrovetide’s pancakes; which April Fool perceiving, told him he did well, for pancakes were proper to a good fry-day.

In another part a hubbub arose about the Thirtieth of January, who, it seems, being a sour puritanic character, that

thought nobody’s meat good or sanctified enough for him, had smuggled into the room a calf’s head, which he had had cooked at home for that purpose, thinking to feast thereon incontinently; but as it lay in the dish March Many-weathers, who is a very fine lady, and subject to the meagrims, screamed

out there was a “human head in the platter,” and raved about Herodias’ daughter to that degree, that the obnoxious viand was obliged to be removed; nor did she recover her stomach till she

had gulped down a Restorative, confected of Oak Apple, which the merry Twenty-Ninth of May always carries about with him for that purpose.

The King’s health being called for after this, a notable dispute arose between the 12th of August (a zealous old Whig gentlewoman), and the Twenty Third of April (a new-fangled lady of the Tory stamp) as to which of them should have the honour to propose it.

August grew hot upon the matter, affirming time out of mind the prescriptive right to have lain with her, till her rival basely supplanted her;

 * * * * *

April Fool being made mediator, confirmed the right in the