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قراءة كتاب Perverted Proverbs: A Manual of Immorals for the Many
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اللغة: English
الصفحة رقم: 5
class="i0">Your ev'ry art must have a start, From petty larceny to arson; And even in the burglar's trade, The cracksman is not born, but made.
So, if in your career of crime, You fail to carry out some "coup", Then try again a second time, And yet again, until you do; And don't despair, or fear the worst, Because you get found out at first.
Perhaps the battle will not go, On all occasions, to the strongest; You may be fairly certain tho' That He Laughs Last who laughs the Longest. So keep a good reserve of laughter, Which may be found of use hereafter.
Believe me that, howe'er well meant, A Good Resolve is always brief; Don't let your precious hours be spent In turning over a new leaf. Such leaves, like Nature's, soon decay, And then are only in the way.
The Road to—well, a certain spot, (A Road of very fair dimensions), Has, so the proverb tells us, got A parquet-floor of Good Intentions. Take care, in your desire to please, You do not add a brick to these.
For there may come a moment when You shall be mended willy-nilly, With many more misguided men, Whose skill is undermined with skilly. Till then procrastinate, my friend; "It Never is Too Late to Mend!"
"A Bad Workman Complains of his Tools."
This Pen of mine is simply grand, I never loved a pen so much; This Paper (underneath my hand) Is really a delight to touch; And never in my life, I think, Did I make use of finer ink.
The Subject upon which I write Is everything that I could choose; I seldom knew my Wits more bright, More cosmopolitan my Views; Nor ever did my Head contain So surplus a supply of Brain!
Potpourri.
There are many more Maxims to which I would like to accord a front place, But alas! I have got To omit a whole lot, For the lack of available space; And the rest I am forced to boil down and condense To the following Essence of Sound without Sense:
Now the Pitcher that journeys too oft To the Well will get broken at last. But you'll find it a fact That, by using some tact, Such a danger as this can be past. (There's an obvious way, and a simple, you'll own, Which is, if you're a Pitcher, to Let Well alone.)
Half a loafer is never well-bred, And Self-Praise is a Dangerous Thing. And the Mice are at play When the Cat is away, For a moment, inspecting a King. (Tho' if Care kills a Cat, as the Proverbs declare, It is right to suppose that the King will take care.)
Don't Halloo till you're out of the Wood, When a Stitch in Good Time will save nine, While a Bird in the Hand Is worth Two, understand, In the Bush that Needs no Good Wine. (Tho' the two, if they Can sing but Won't, have been known, By an accurate aim to be killed with one Stone.)
Never Harness the Cart to the Horse; Since the latter should be à la carte. And Birds of a Feather Come Flocking Together, Because they can't well Flock Apart. (You may cast any Bread on the Waters, I think, But, unless I'm mistaken, you can't make it Sink.)
It is only the Fool who remarks That there Can't be a Fire without Smoke; Has he never yet learned How the gas can be turned On the best incombustible coke? (Would you value a man by the checks on his suits, And forget "que c'est le premier passbook qui Coutts?")
Now "De Mortuis Nil Nisi Bo- num," is Latin, as ev'ryone owns; If your domicile be Near a Mortuaree, You should always avoid throwing bones. (I would further remark, if I could,—but I couldn't— That People Residing in Glasshouses shouldn't.)
You have heard of the Punctual Bird, Who was First in presenting his Bill; But I pray you'll be firm, And remember the Worm Had to get up much earlier still; (So that, if you can't rise in the morning, then Don't; And be certain that Where there's a Will there's a Won't.)
You can give a bad name to a Dog, And hang him by way of excuse; Whereas Hunger, of course, Is by far the Best Sauce For the Gander as well as the Goose. (But you shouldn't judge anyone just by his looks, For a Surfeit of Broth ruins too many Cooks.)
With the fact that Necessity knows Nine Points of the Law, you'll agree. There are just as Good Fish To be found on a Dish As you ever could catch in the Sea. (You should Look ere you Leap on a Weasel Asleep, And I've also remarked That Still Daughters Run Cheap.)
The much trodden-on Lane will Turn, And a Friend is in Need of a Friend; But the Wisest of Saws, Like the Camel's Last Straws, Or the Longest of Worms, have an end. So, before out of Patience a Virtue you make, A decisive farewell of these maxims we'll take.
Envoi.
"Don't Look a Gifthorse in