قراءة كتاب More Misrepresentative Men
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اللغة: English
الصفحة رقم: 2
knows
Of that obscure robustious diction,
Which like a form of fungus grows
Amid the Kailyard school of fiction;
In Crockett's cryptic caves one sighs
For Burns's clear and spacious skies.
Tho' no aspersions need be cast
On Barrie's wealth of wit fantastic,
Creator of that unsurpass'd
If most minute ecclesiastic;
Yet even here the eye discerns
No master-hand like that of Burns.
On Barrie's wealth of wit fantastic,
Creator of that unsurpass'd
If most minute ecclesiastic;
Yet even here the eye discerns
No master-hand like that of Burns.
The works of Campbell and the rest
Exhale a sanctimonious odour,
Their vintage is but Schnapps, at best,
Their Scotch is simply Scotch-and-sodour!
They cannot hope, like Burns, to win
That "touch which makes the whole world kin."
Exhale a sanctimonious odour,
Their vintage is but Schnapps, at best,
Their Scotch is simply Scotch-and-sodour!
They cannot hope, like Burns, to win
That "touch which makes the whole world kin."
Tho' some may sing of Neil Munro,
And virtues in Maclaren see,
Or want but little here below,
And want that little Lang, maybe;
Each renegade at length returns,
To praise the peerless pow'rs of Burns.
And virtues in Maclaren see,
Or want but little here below,
And want that little Lang, maybe;
Each renegade at length returns,
To praise the peerless pow'rs of Burns.
His verse, as all the world declares,
And Tennyson himself confesses,
The radiance of the dewdrop shares,
The berry's perfect shape possesses;
And even William Wordsworth praises
The magic of his faultless phrases.
And Tennyson himself confesses,
The radiance of the dewdrop shares,
The berry's perfect shape possesses;
And even William Wordsworth praises
The magic of his faultless phrases.
But he, whose books bedeck our shelves,
Whose lofty genius we adore so,
Was only human, like ourselves,—
Perhaps, indeed, a trifle more so!
And joined a thirst that nought could quench
To morals which were frankly French.
Whose lofty genius we adore so,
Was only human, like ourselves,—
Perhaps, indeed, a trifle more so!
And joined a thirst that nought could quench
To morals which were frankly French.
And ev'ry night he made his way,
With boon companions, bent on frolic,
To inns of ill-repute, where lay
Refreshments—chiefly alcoholic!
(But I decline to raise your gorges,
Describing these nocturnal orgies.)
With boon companions, bent on frolic,
To inns of ill-repute, where lay
Refreshments—chiefly alcoholic!
(But I decline to raise your gorges,
Describing these nocturnal orgies.)
Of love-affairs he knew no end,
So long and ardently he flirted,
And e'en the least suspicious friend
Would feel a trifle disconcerted,
When Burns was sitting with his "sposa,"
"As thick as thieves on Vallombrosa!"
So long and ardently he flirted,
And e'en the least suspicious friend
Would feel a trifle disconcerted,
When Burns was sitting with his "sposa,"
"As thick as thieves on Vallombrosa!"
A Cockney Chiel who found him thus,
And showed some conjugal alarm,
When Burns implored him not to fuss,
Enquiring calmly, "Where's the harm?"
Replied at once, with perfect taste,
"The harm is round my consort's waist!"
And showed some conjugal alarm,
When Burns implored him not to fuss,
Enquiring calmly, "Where's the harm?"
Replied at once, with perfect taste,
"The harm is round my consort's waist!"
"A poor thing but my own," said he,
His fair but fickle bride denoting,
And she, with scathing repartee,
Assented, wilfully misquoting,
(Tho' carefully brought up, like Jonah),
"A poorer thing—and yet my owner!"
His fair but fickle bride denoting,
And she, with scathing repartee,
Assented, wilfully misquoting,
(Tho' carefully brought up, like Jonah),
"A poorer thing—and yet my owner!"
The most bucolic hearts were burnt
By Burns' amatory glances;
The most suburban spinsters learnt
To welcome his abrupt advances;
When Burns was on his knee, 'twas said,
They wished that they were there instead!
By Burns' amatory glances;
The most suburban spinsters learnt
To welcome his abrupt advances;
When Burns was on his knee, 'twas said,
They wished that they were there instead!
They loved him from the first, in spite
Of angry parents' interference;
They deemed his courtship so polite,
So captivating his appearance;
So great his charm, so apt his wit,
In local parlance, Burns was IT!
Of angry parents' interference;
They deemed his courtship so polite,
So captivating his appearance;
So great his charm, so apt his wit,
In local parlance, Burns was IT!
The rustic maids from far and wide,
Encouraged his unwise flirtations;
For love of Burns they moped and sighed,
And, while their nearest male relations
Were up in arms, the sad thing is
That they themselves were up in his!
Encouraged his unwise flirtations;
For love of Burns they moped and sighed,
And, while their nearest male relations
Were up in arms, the sad thing is
That they themselves were up in his!
His crest a mug, with open lid,
The kind in vogue with ancient Druids,—
Inscribed "Amari Aliquid,"
(Which means "I'm very fond of fluids!"),
On either side, as meet supporters,
The village blacksmith's lovely daughters.
The kind in vogue with ancient Druids,—
Inscribed "Amari Aliquid,"
(Which means "I'm very fond of fluids!"),
On either side, as meet supporters,
The village blacksmith's lovely daughters.
"Men were deceivers ever!" True,
As Shakespeare says (Hey Nonny! Nonny!),
But one should always keep in view
That "tout comprendr' c'est tout pardonny";
In judging poets it suffices
To scan their verses, not their vices.
. . . . . .
The poets of the present time
Attempt their feeble imitations;
Are economical of rhyme,
And lavish with reiterations;
The while a patient public swallows
A "Border Ballad" much as follows:—
As Shakespeare says (Hey Nonny! Nonny!),
But one should always keep in view
That "tout comprendr' c'est tout pardonny";
In judging poets it suffices
To scan their verses, not their vices.
. . . . . .
The poets of the present time
Attempt their feeble imitations;
Are economical of rhyme,
And lavish with reiterations;
The while a patient public swallows
A "Border Ballad" much as follows:—
Jamie lad, I lo'e ye weel,
Jamie lad, I lo'e nae ither,
Jamie lad, I lo'e ye weel,
Like a mither.
Jamie lad, I lo'e nae ither,
Jamie lad, I lo'e ye weel,
Like a mither.
Jamie's ganging doon the burn,
Jamie's ganging doon, whateffer,
Jamie's ganging doon the burn,
To Strathpeffer!
Jamie's ganging doon, whateffer,
Jamie's ganging doon the burn,
To Strathpeffer!
Jamie's comin' hame to dee,
Jamie's comin' hame, I'm thinkin',
Jamie's comin' hame to dee,
Dee o' drinkin'!
Jamie's comin' hame, I'm thinkin',
Jamie's comin' hame to dee,
Dee o' drinkin'!
Hech! Jamie! Losh! Jamie!
Dinna greet sae sair!
Gin ye canna, winna, shanna
See yer lassie mair!
Wha' hoo!
Wha' hae!
Strathpeffer!
Dinna greet sae sair!
Gin ye canna, winna, shanna
See yer lassie mair!
Wha' hoo!
Wha' hae!
Strathpeffer!
I give you now, as antidote,
Some lines which I myself indited.
Carnegie, when he read them, wrote
To say that he was quite delighted;
Their pathos cut him to the quick,
Their humour almost made him sick.
Some lines which I myself indited.
Carnegie, when he read them, wrote
To say that he was quite delighted;
Their pathos cut him to the quick,
Their humour almost made him sick.
The queys are moopin' i' the mirk,
An' gin ye thole ahin' the kirk,
I'll gar ye tocher hame fra' work,
Sae straught an' primsie;
In vain the lavrock leaves the snaw,
The sonsie cowslips blithely blaw,
The elbucks wheep adoon the shaw,
Or warl a whimsy.
The cootie muircocks crousely craw,
The maukins tak' their fud fu' braw,
I gie their wames a random paw,
For a' they're skilpy;
For wha' sae glaikit, gleg an' din,
To but the ben, or loup the linn,
Or scraw aboon the tirlin'-pin
Sae frae an' gilpie?
An' gin ye thole ahin' the kirk,
I'll gar ye tocher hame fra' work,
Sae straught an' primsie;
In vain the lavrock leaves the snaw,
The sonsie cowslips blithely blaw,
The elbucks wheep adoon the shaw,
Or warl a whimsy.
The cootie muircocks crousely craw,
The maukins tak' their fud fu' braw,
I gie their wames a random paw,
For a' they're skilpy;
For wha' sae glaikit, gleg an' din,
To but the ben, or loup the linn,
Or scraw aboon the tirlin'-pin
Sae frae an' gilpie?
Och, snood the sporran roun' ma lap,
The cairngorm clap in ilka cap,
Och, hand me o'er
Ma lang claymore,
Twa, bannocks an' a bap,
Wha hoo!
Twa bannocks an' a bap!
. . . . . .
O fellow Scotsman, near and far,
Renowned for health and good digestion,
For all that makes you what you are,—
(But are you really? That's the question)—
Be grateful, while the world endures,
That Burns was countryman of yours.
The cairngorm clap in ilka cap,
Och, hand me o'er
Ma lang claymore,
Twa, bannocks an' a bap,
Wha hoo!
Twa bannocks an' a bap!
. . . . . .
O fellow Scotsman, near and far,
Renowned for health and good digestion,
For all that makes you what you are,—
(But are you really? That's the question)—
Be grateful, while the world endures,
That Burns was countryman of yours.
And hand-in-hand, in alien land,
Foregather with your fellow cronies,
To masticate the haggis (cann'd)
At Scottish Conversaziones,
Where, flushed with wine and Auld Lang Syne,
You worship at your country's shrine!
Foregather with your fellow cronies,
To masticate the haggis (cann'd)
At Scottish Conversaziones,
Where, flushed with wine and Auld Lang Syne,
You worship at your country's shrine!
William Waldorf Astor
OW blest a thing it is to die
For Country's sake, as bards have sung!
How sweet "pro patria mori,"
(To quote the vulgar Latin tongue);
And yet to him the palm we give
Who for his fatherland can live.
Historians have explained to us,
In terms that never can grow cold,
How well the bold Horatius
Played bridge in the brave days of old;
And we can read of hosts of others,
From Spartan boys to Roman mothers.
In terms that never can grow cold,
How well the bold Horatius
Played bridge in the brave days of old;
And we can read of hosts of others,
From Spartan boys to Roman mothers.
But nowhere has the student got,
From poet, pedagogue, or pastor,
The picture of a patriot
So truly typical as Astor;
And none has ever shown a greater
Affection for his Alma Mater.
From poet, pedagogue, or pastor,
The picture of a patriot
So truly typical as Astor;
And none has ever shown a greater
Affection for his Alma Mater.
With loyalty to Fatherland
His heart inflexible as starch is,
Whene'er he hears upon a band
The too prolific Sousa's marches;
And from his eyes a tear he wipes,
Each time he sees the Stars and Stripes.
His heart inflexible as starch is,
Whene'er he hears upon a band
The too prolific Sousa's marches;
And from his eyes a tear he wipes,
Each time he sees the Stars and Stripes.
Tho' others roam across the foam
To European health resorts,
The fact that "there's no place like home"
Is foremost in our hero's thoughts;
And all in vain have people tried
To lure him from his "ain fireside."
To European health resorts,
The fact that "there's no place like home"
Is foremost in our hero's thoughts;
And all in vain have people tried
To lure him from his "ain fireside."
Let tourists travel near or far,
By wayward breezes widely blown,
He stops at the Astoria,
"A poor thing" (Shakespeare), "but his own;"
And nothing that his friends may do
Can drag him from Fifth Avenue.
By wayward breezes widely blown,
He stops at the Astoria,
"A poor thing" (Shakespeare), "but his own;"
And nothing that his friends may do
Can drag him from Fifth Avenue.
The Western heiress is content
To scale, as a prospective bride,
The bare six-story tenement
Where foreign pauper peers reside;
But men like Astor all disparage
The so-called Morgan-attic marriage.
To scale, as a prospective bride,
The bare six-story tenement
Where foreign pauper peers reside;
But men like Astor all disparage
The so-called Morgan-attic marriage.
The rich Chicago millionaire
May buy a mansion in Belgravia,
Have footmen there with powdered hair
And frigidly correct behaviour;
But marble stairs and plate of gold
Leave Astor absolutely cold.
May buy a mansion in Belgravia,
Have footmen there with powdered hair
And frigidly correct behaviour;
But marble stairs and plate of gold
Leave Astor absolutely cold.
The lofty ducal residence,
That fronts some Surrey riverside,
Would wound his socialistic sense,
And pain his patriotic pride;
He would not change for Castles Highland
His cabbage-patch on Coney Island.
That fronts some Surrey riverside,
Would wound his socialistic sense,
And pain his patriotic pride;
He would not change for Castles Highland
His cabbage-patch on Coney Island.
A statue in some Roman street,
A palace of Venetian gilding,
Appear to him not
A palace of Venetian gilding,
Appear to him not
