قراءة كتاب Mr. Punch's Book of Love: Being the Humours of Courtship and Matrimony
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Mr. Punch's Book of Love: Being the Humours of Courtship and Matrimony
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SONGS OF THE HEARTH-RUG
THE NEGLECTED WIFE TO HER RUSHLIGHT
My rushlight, when first kindled,
Twelve inches long wast thou;
And I behold thee dwindled
To one, my candle, now!
How brief thy span, contrasted
With rushlight's average life!
A happier dip had lasted
A week a happier wife.
Where is my husband got to?
Oh say, expiring light!
A man ought really not to
Stay out so every night.
I'm sure that Bradshaw's press'd him
To join his tippling lot:
That Bradshaw! I detest him;—
The good-for-nothing sot!
Would that this piece of paper,
Which, ere thy flame expire,
I light from thee, my taper,
Could set that club on fire.
A Blunder-buss.—Kissing the wrong girl.
Motto for the Married.—Never dis-pair.
Mem. by "One who Married in Haste."—"The real 'Battle of Life' begins with a short engagement."
Time—3 a.m.
Voice from above. "Is that you, John? You're very late, aren't you?"
Brown (returned from celebrating the latest victory). "It's only about—er—twelve, my dear, I think——"
The Cuckoo Clock. "Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"
Brown (grasping situation instantly). "Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"
A WET NURSE
"LITERA SCRIPTA."—Wooer. "Oh, Miss—oh, Lavinia! may I not still hope?—or is your cruel rejection of my suit final and irrevoc——" Spinster (firmly). "Yes, Mr. Brown, I seriously desire you will regard it so." Wooer. "Then, dearest, may I ask you"—(producing the materials from adjacent writing-table)—"to—ah—put it on papar! I shall feel safer!"
A "Noiseless Sewing Machine."—A good wife.
Pauca Verba.—Robinson (after a long Whist bout at the Club). "It's awfully late, Brown. What will you say to your wife?" Brown (in a whisper). "Oh, I shan't say much, you know—'Good morning, dear,' or something o' that sort. She'll say the rest!!!"
NONE BUT THE BRAVE DESERVE THE FARE
