confounded boot-jack at last. You see, my dear, that people will talk if you give them the slightest reason. There's a button off this shirt. Are you all ready for me to put the gas out?"

With the extinction of the gas, the curtain would naturally fall. And it would fall upon a pleasant, well-constructed, probable, and eminently realistic play. As it is, OTHELLO ends with a complicated massacre worthy of the Bowery Theatre in its bloodiest days.

MATADOR.

"Parlez aux Suisses."

It seems that Water Valley, Mississippi, is attracting hosts of Swiss settlers, speaking of whom a contemporary calls them "iron-handed mountaineers." We were not previously aware that the Swiss are provided with iron hands, though we have long known that they have glaciers.

A Warning.

The man who tried to arrange his hair with an ice pick got it into a Nice Pickle.

Suggested by a "Tight" Fit.

What county of Scotland is the best to get a foot-hold in? Bute.

AN EVEN TEMPERATURE FOR CONGRESS.

Warmed by WOOD; Cooled by BROOKS.

ANOTHER "SUCCESSFUL FRENCH SORTIE."

THE MARCH OF PROGRESS.

The nations of Europe appear to suppose that their advance in civilization is marked by improvement in their rifles rather than in their school-houses. The possession of the needle-gun by Prussia stimulated France to invent the Chassepot, and now it appears that Russia claims to have a new rifle which surpasses them both. If we may judge from Prussia's actions in this war, this improvement in rifles leads to improvement in rifling; and though it is difficult to imagine how Russia could surpass Prussia's proficiency in this art, which in civil parlance would be called robbing, yet there is no knowing to what further point of perfection it may be carried. It is only to be hoped that the industry of Europe, which offers the field for the exercise of these improvements, will continue to be piously thankful for the noble position which it is thus made to hold in the march of progress.

"Drawn from the Wood."

"What d'ye want? Why come you here?"
Said the Beetle inside the bark
Unto the crafty Woodpecker
Who rapped on the pine-tree in the park.


"Never mind what, and never mind why,"
Replied the Woodpecker, hammering still,
"The question will be, 'How's this for high?'
When I send in my little bill."

Hand and Glove.

The scarcity of kid gloves, caused by this war, will, no doubt, force many a fair one to bare a hand during its continuance. Yet the conservative bigots say that women should not vote unless they are willing to do their part in the fighting.

HOW TO DISTINGUISH A WEALTHY MAN.

By the CROESUS in his face.

Q.E.D.

Astronomers say that there is no water on the moon's surface. We, on the contrary, know that there are large oceans there. No one ever heard of ship captains in a place destitute of water; and, as the moon is made of green cheese, there must of course be "skippers" there.

A Christmas Joke.

When JENKINS felt in his pocket, after leaving the 37th Regt. Armory the other night, he exclaimed; "Well, if this is a French fair, I prefer an American fowl!"

Theatrical.

The "Gods" at our theatres generally evince good taste in selecting their favorite actresses, and as they usually choose blondes, we cannot believe that "those whom the gods love dye young."

Accident.

AUNT BATHSHEBA fell into the East River last Monday, and she now declares that the dress she wore on that occasion is watered silk.

Query.

Should an account of the present administration be called Dent'ist'ry?

History Repeats Itself.

PARIS and 'L.N. have again been separated.

A-ROUND ROBBIN'.—Nearly all the office-holders in Washington.

THE GREAT AMERICAN BIRD. The "bird in the hand."

"A MOVEMENT ON FOOT," Any chiropodist's.

PROTECTION PROTECTED.

A Western editor has issued a conundrum in a volume with the title Does Protection Protect? and undertakes to prove by statistics that answer is No. These Western people are in the habit, we know, of bragging a good deal of their exploits, and so the writer referred to says he used to think the answer to his conundrum was Yes, but investigation has shown him he was wrong. What business has he to investigate it? There is Mr. GREELEY, he says the answer is YES!! and does any one suppose that he ever investigated it, or could so investigate any subject as to change his opinion about it? Of course not.

Then there is H.C. CAREY, who used to say, when he was interested in statistics, that the answer was No; but now that he is more interested in mining, he says the answer is Yes. Could there be any better proof that the Western man is wrong?

Besides, has not Mr. KELLEY proved a thousand times that protection does protect his constituents, and that by making everybody pay dearer for iron, the money goes where, according to the true laws of trade, it ought to go—into the pockets of the mine-owners? Can it be possible that the castor-oil man, the thread man, the salt man, the steel man, and all the others of this kind, don't know that protection protects them, and that they are the important persons in the country?

If this freedom of inquiry is allowed much longer, protection itself will have to be protected. Let that Western editor prosecute his studies further, until he becomes convinced that Americans are naturally a lazy, idle, and shiftless people, and never would, or could, engage in any industry unless they were so protected in it that it can be made as flourishing as ship-building, machine-shops, and manufactures of all kinds are now. Or, if he thinks that would take too much time, let him join some snug little ring, if he can find such a vacancy, and enjoy the reflection, when Republican orators talk of the glorious results of protection to American industry, that he is one of the glorious results.

For Sawyers.

What kind of pine is the most difficult to saw into lumber? The Porcupine.

THE EXTENSION OF WOMAN'S SPHERE. Fond Mother (to visitor). "AND AS FOR SUSIE, THERE, MY DEAR, SHE'S so CLEVER!—PHYSICS HER DOLL REGULAR WITH DIRT PILLS, AND HAS JUST BEEN AND AMPUTATED ONE OF THE POOR DUMB THING'S LEGS, AND SO WE'RE GOING TO MAKE A DOCTOR OF HER."

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Travelers West and South-West Should bear in mind that the ERIE RAILWAY IS BY FAR THE CHEAPEST, QUICKEST, AND MOST COMFORTABLE ROUTE, Making Direct and Sure Connection at CINCINNATI, with all Lines By Rail or River For NEW ORLEANS, LOUISVILLE, MEMPHIS, ST. LOUIS, VICKSBURG, NASHVILLE, MOBILE, And All Points South and